What I Learned this Week from Podcasts.

 I have written before about the podcasts I follow. I thought I would update the list since I have found quite a few more that help me in my walk with God. Then I will share a few things I have learned just this week from podcasts.

Your Daily Prayer Podcast

Jesus Over Everything

The Messy Table with Jenn Jewell

Go and Tell Gals

Everything Happens with Kate Bowler

Son of a Preacher Man

Passion City Church DC (Ben Stuart Pastor)

Prayers for Your Day

That Sounds Fun with Annie F. Downs

The Bible Binge

Jesus Calling Podcast

Behind the Scenes

From the list, it probably looks like I listen to podcasts all day, but most of these podcasts only post once or twice a week, sometimes less than that. I like to listen to a few every day.

So, what touched me this week? I won’t name the podcast or the speaker because when I made notes, I didn’t jot that down. And these are not verbatim quotes, just the general idea of what the person was saying.

“Inner peace is a struggle, a daily battle. It won’t come without a fight. Peace and hope are essential.” I have found this true for me. The struggle has included more prayer and believing God will do it for you if you ask. Don’t get discouraged and don’t get tired of asking for peace and hope. When Jesus said, “Ask for anything in my name and I will give it to you,” he wasn’t talking about a new car, house or job. He was talking about spiritual gifts. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.” Do we believe that? I didn’t. Now, I do.

Someone said, “The fact is that we humans have never seen peace between all nations or all the hungry fed, yet some of us want this and work towards it. Where did these ideals come from since we have never seen it? God.” Sometimes I think this is the greatest argument for the existence of a God.

One man told a story of how he was working 7 days a week as a pastor, overloaded and stressed. His back was seriously injured and he had to lay face-down for at least a month. They were not sure if his back would heal and he couldn’t have surgery. So, he lay there day after day watching movies on his laptop, but naturally he grew bored. He turned the laptop off and just lay there. He heard God speak to his mind saying, “Are you ready to talk now?” Lol. (I find God so funny sometimes.)

Anyway, he said he and God talked and talked and God showed him how essential rest was to the human mind and body. Before the injury, this pastor had not delegated work to others; he had done it all himself. He found out he didn’t have to do that. He saw his life had been one of unmitigated stress.

The Lord showed him the wisdom of having a Sabbath day and why that was created along with everything else. If we don’t rest, we will eventually fall apart. My father told me once, “If it weren’t for the Sabbath, I think I’d be dead by now.” He was a workaholic. He hated holidays, because all the businesses were closed. And the pastor? He went to physio and gradually, slowly, his back healed.

I appreciate podcasts so much, because I have sight problems and can’t read on the computer for long. It is wonderful to lie in bed with my tablet and just listen. These Christians are doing a wonderful work for God and I thank him for that all the time.

Great Christian Podcasts.

Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/people/23155134@N06

I have been listening to a lot of podcasts lately. I also joined Instagram because the posts are short and easy to read on my tablet. I thought I would share the titles of some podcasts I enjoy.  They are all Christian sites.

That Sounds Fun with Annie F. Downs

Creekside Church

Bridgetown Audio Podcast

Jesus Calling Podcast

Go and Tell Gals

Out of the Ordinary

Coffee with Andi

Exploring My Strange Bible

Because I am basically a quiet person with a bad memory, and a seemingly blank mind, I looked for a prayer podcast. I wanted someone to pray along with since I don’t leave my house much. I did find one I really liked. This woman knows how to pray:

The Prayer Podcast

God bless you all, and Happy Thanksgiving to all Americans!

Judging People.

Courtroom in Beverly, Yorkshire, England.

The disciple, John, said to Jesus, “Master, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he does not follow with us.”

But Jesus said, “Do not stop him; for whoever is not against you is for you.”  Luke 9:49,50

In a sermon, W. Clarkson says, “We are in danger of counting among our opponents those whom we should reckon as allies. It did not seem to be a service of a any particular account that a man should use the name of Jesus to exorcise demons, even though he may have had a measure of success in his attempts. But Christ said he was not to be forbidden as an outsider, but rather hailed as a friend and as an ally. What then, would he not say now of those who go so far towards the fullest declaration of his truth as many thousands do, but who remain outside the particular church with which we may be connected? Would he have us blame and brand these because they “follow not with us?”

The spirit of persecution is cruel, foolish, and emphatically unchristian. Rather, let us rejoice that there are found so many who, while not feeling it right to connect themselves with our organization, are yet loving the same Lord and serving the same cause. These are not our enemies; they are our allies.”

I like what Clarkson said. I know of how some people look down on Christians of other denominations. Not only sneer at them and their beliefs, but say they are not saved. I remember hearing in my church how “we have the truth,” and visiting a different denomination where a woman told me, “we have the truth.”

I think that is spiritual pride, and a kind of putting God in a box where he is only with the people in that box. Someone once told my husband he was not a Christian before he was baptized into my church. No, he was a Christian for a year and a half before he was baptized.

Human beings, all of us and I definitely include myself, judge other human beings constantly. That can be good or evil. We must use our judgement in deciding who to marry, who to be close friends with and who to do business with. God doesn’t want us to be blind to the faults of others. But when we judge whether someone is saved by grace or not, we move into God’s territory. Only he knows the heart of each person, and each person is on a path only God knows. He is patient. We are not. He is all loving. We are not. He is God. We are not.

Living with Cranky People.

Photo by:  https://www.flickr.com/people/78428166@N00

I'm reading, The Imitation of Christ, by Thomas A. Kempis (1380-1471). It is a book famous for its depth of spirituality. I just wanted to share parts of this book. The edition I am reading was published in old-fashioned English, so I am going to paraphrase.

It is not hard to associate with kind, gentle people. This is pleasing to all, and everyone enjoys peace and loves those who agree with them. 

But to be able to live peacefully with hard-hearted and irritable persons, disorderly persons, or those who argue with us, is a great grace, and a most commendable and brave thing.

Our whole peace in this world consists in humble suffering, not so much in experiencing troubles. He that knows how to suffer in peace, (being with these kind of people) is conqueror of himself, lord of the world, the friend of Christ and heir of heaven.

Kempis goes on to describe two kinds of people, one of peace the other of passions.

A peaceful man does good and turns all things into good. A passionate man turns even good into evil, and easily believes evil. He who is discontented and troubled, is tossed with many suspicions; he is neither at rest himself nor will let others be at rest.

He often says what he should not say and does not say what he should. He judges what others do without judging himself. He will excuse his own deeds, but will not accept the excuses of others.

If you want to be forgiven and understood, learn to forgive and understand others.

Since there are quite a few cranky people in my family, I have realized two things:

1. Don't take what they say personally. If they are mad at the world, that is their problem. If you can in any way ignore politely what is said or done - do it. If you need to talk with them about their treatment of you, wait for a calm time, sit down with them and say, "Do not speak until I am finished saying what I want to say." Explain how you feel. Probably nothing will change, but at least you tried.

2. Don't have expectations of people. They don't know what you expect, for one thing, and even when you tell them, they usually won't change.  (However, after 40 years of this, they might.)

3. This is the most important thing to do. Ask God to help you to accept and love this person just as they are. Ask when you get angry, ask in the morning, noon and night. God will do this for you. You will be at peace.

4. This may take 20 - 45 years to learn and even then you will goof up.

From Then Until Now. Bio of the Last 8 Years.

I’m embarrassed to write this post because by the time a person is 63 or 64, she should be smart enough not to mess-up in such a spectacular fashion. Especially a Christian. But then, I’ve never been a normal Christian, so that may explain it.

Okay, so my husband and I lived with our daughter, Christine, and her family, for 10 years so I could take care of her daughter, Faith, who had OCD. When Faith turned 14, she was doing quite well and didn’t need me anymore. My daughter sold their house and when it came time to move, my husband and I rented an apartment. Christine and her family moved to another city because of her husband’s job.

I didn’t know I would slowly fall apart. I was used to seeing both of my daughters and my grandchildren every day. Suddenly, I’m alone all day in an apartment without a car. My husband works in another city 45 minutes away. I thought about getting involved with a mental health program for adults. I could meet other people like myself and they had painting classes and outings. I really wanted to try this, but I became sick with digestive problems which made me afraid to leave the house. I simply couldn’t get on a bus and ride around town because I never knew when I would get sick.

When this happened, I felt devastated. I was very lonely. I couldn’t even visit my mom except on weekends when I had the car. We couldn’t afford two cars. That would have solved my problems, but it was impossible.

My husband and I would sometimes drive and go see Christine and family in their new digs, but I have fibromyalgia and traveling is painful. I rarely saw my oldest daughter anymore. She had a lot on her mind taking care of her son and step-children. So, there I was, lonely and depressed. No one to talk with; no one to be with.

I started asking God to take my life. I couldn’t see any reason to hang around and be bored to death. Sometimes, I stayed in bed all day. Nothing interested me. I didn’t like TV and you can only read so much. Empty hours stretched ahead of me and seemed like a life sentence in jail.

I was having trouble sleeping, I always have, and decided to take some sleeping pills. After I took one, I thought, “Why don’t you finish the bottle?” So I did. All together only 11 sleeping pills. I hoped it was enough, but wasn’t sure. Before I took them, God spoke to my heart and said, “Call a suicide hotline.”  But I felt embarrassed to do that. I was very embarrassed by who I was. It is embarrassing to be mentally ill.

Long story short, my husband came home and I was passed out on the floor. I woke up in the hospital in a delirium. It took hours for the effect of the pills to wear off. And let me tell you, being delirious in front of tons of people is embarrassing.  I should have called the hotline. As usual, God was right.

The chief psychiatrist wanted to admit me, but my husband told him of a time years ago when I was admitted into a hospital for a suspected heart attack and had lost my mind. I disassociated and became a little girl again, afraid of being raped and crying non-stop. They drugged me at that hospital so I was calm enough to have tests. So, my husband told the psychiatrist the same thing would happen again.  He didn’t admit me, but I had to go to counseling. 

I went back to see my previous counselor, who is a Christian. She helped me quite a bit and I started making journals of my life from birth until now. I joined, Brave Girl’s Club, which is online. They charge a small fee, but it was well worth the money. The site helps you with journal ideas and encourages you to like yourself.

Then I read something that changed everything for me. I can’t remember what book or blog I read this on, but the author wrote, “Whatever you want to kill yourself over, you love that thing or person more than God.”

Well, that shocked me, but after reading the whole chapter, I believed it was true. Why did I want to kill myself? Quite a few reasons, but the biggest was I was lonely and missed my girls and grandchildren. So, I thought, I must love them more than God. I thought I loved God above all people and all things, but I was wrong. Sure I was lonely, but shouldn’t having God in my life been enough? 

I said to God that day, “Okay, God. It’s just you and me now. I’m going to spend tons and tons of time with you. I need you to be enough for me because I have no one else.”

Lo and behold, he was enough. Each day got better and better. I was still waking up depressed though, and remembered what Joyce Meyer says about quoting Scripture out loud when you are depressed. I still do that every morning. As I do, I feel God’s peace and love. My shoulders relax and I smile – first thing in the morning! Lol  A miracle for me.

I told the Lord how bored I was. I asked him to find some activity for me that I would enjoy. I went on the internet looking up different crafts when I came upon wood carving. I had always been interested in sculpture and wood carving looked easier and cheaper. So, I bought some firewood, pine and balsa wood. I wasn’t strong enough to do it by hand, so my husband bought me a Dremel with a bunch of sanders and cutters. I really enjoyed working with wood. I made quite a few items. I’ll post some pics.

Afterwards, I decided to try my hand at painting and I like doing that even more than working with wood. I talk with God about my projects and ask him to help me. He does. I still spend lots of time with him, because I know it is him who keeps me alive and interested in life. I’m rarely ever depressed, and if I feel sad I run to Him right away and stay there til I feel better. 

What have I learned through this? I’ve learned if all you have is God – he is enough. I think that if I hadn’t gotten sick or had a car and gone out a lot etc. I wouldn’t have found out how little I loved and appreciated God. I wouldn’t have learned what a wonderful father, brother, friend, counselor and husband he is. I thank God now for what I went through and how I suffered, because through it, I learned the most wonderful thing I have ever known in my life – God loves me and I love God.

Life in My 30s.

This is a continuation of a short bio of my life and how God was with me.

My husband and I wanted to send our children to church school so we moved to a city called, Kelowna, which was a small city then. My husband got a job at the gas company and we have lived here ever since, except for 5 years when we lived in Vancouver because of his work.

We joined a church and I would say my 30's were full of a lot of happiness with some problems. My husband was active in the church in many roles. I taught the little children. Our daughters loved living in Kelowna because it has a large lake to swim in and mountains all around  for hiking and camping.

We did have some problems in our marriage off and on, like most people, I would guess. My husband had been physically abused by his father and step-father as a child. He had not been raised in a loving family. But a wonderful thing happened after he became a Christian. He went home and told everyone what God had done for him and almost all his family became Christians as well. His mother embraced Christ and found great joy, and they are all still walking with God.

We had many Christian friends from our church. We really enjoyed their fellowship. We would have a meeting every Friday night at our house and would talk about God and sing songs. We did a lot with our girls. We took them to Disneyland twice. We had just enough money to drive down there, stay two or three nights and drive straight back home, but it was so much fun. Mostly, we took them camping, which they still love doing in their 40s.

At 37, my husband became sick. It took a year for the doctors to find out what was wrong. He had a carcinoid tumor on his bile duct. They operated, but there was hardly any of the bile duct left and they said he may have 10 years to live at most. After the operation, he never got his original strength back. They found he had Carcinoid Symdrome, which is chemicals coming out of the tumors and making one tired, nauseous and debilitated. He decided to try to keep working in spite of feeling sick and he has done that for 30 years. He has had many opportunities to tell people about God, because many people at work asked him why he wasn't angry and bitter about being sick. He would then share his faith in God and how this is not the only life we have.

His bile duct did give out, but there was a new invention to replace it with a stent. That is why he is still alive and I am grateful to God and also to those who invented it. He has had two other stents put in, I think in his intestines.

When my husband became sick, he stopped going to church and going camping etc. He didn’t want to see our friends any longer.  It took all his energy to go to work. On his vacations, he wasn’t as tired as when he was working, so we would drive to the U.S. to visit my sisters and see the sights.  He would still feel tired and pain, but he took pills and we didn’t walk far.

I am so thankful to God for helping my husband all these years. He loved his job, and he has been happy working there. For myself, I loved raising our daughters. I’m so thankful God gave them to us. They are such a blessing and joy. Of course, we did have trouble when they were teens. I want to thank God for helping us through all that. Neither of them wanted to be a Christian, which was a heartache, but we kept hoping and praying and they are both Christians now.

Thank you very much for your prayers for me. I woke up this morning and I felt better. The clouds had lifted by the power of God.

This morning, I woke from a dream. In the dream there was a large round table. There were about 10 people sitting around the table with playing cards in their hands. I sat down in an empty chair. My cards were face down in front of me. I could see the cards of the other players. Everyone had a 3 in their hand. I looked down at my cards and thought, "I need to have a 3 also so I will be like all the others." I picked up my cards and I did have a 3. I felt happy, then I woke up.

I would guess the dream represents how I feel around people, even family. I need to be like them to fit in. Everything I do should match up with other people so they will love me. I don't want to be different. I want to fit in. I want to please people, and if I don't, I feel devastated.

I've known this about myself, but I guess I need to face it and pray about it. It was frightening to make a mistake when I was young because my father could become very angry. He never believed me if I said I didn't know something was wrong. He would say, "Don't give me that. You know better." I didn't really. He always thought I was lying about things and when I was a teen he called me a slut. I had not had sex with any boy at the time, but after that I decided I didn't care anymore because he already thought I was having lots of sex. The only kind of sex I'd ever had was with him when I was younger.

Joyce Meyer says, "The only way out is through." She said that about her sexual abuse. She didn't want to deal with it, but God showed her she needed to. I've dealt with mine too, I think. But there are always going to be after-effects of our childhoods. No one gets completely away from that. It is a large part of who we are.

Thankfully, God tells us, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."


I am a new person compared to the person I was before I met Jesus. Giving my life to him was the best decision I ever made. He has made many parts of my life so beautiful. My most precious dream was to have children. He gave me two daughters and now 7 grandchildren. I feel most blessed, my dream came true and he multiplied it. One day I will live with God in heaven - my most precious dream now.

He never sleeps
He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayers
When we are weak
He becomes stronger
So rest in his love
Cast all of your cares on him.


From "He Never Sleeps," by Don Moen.

What Can We Do About Worry and Sadness About Our Families?

I know I have written on this subject before. The reason is that worry and sadness are the biggest obstacles in my life. But I notice other people also struggle with this so I guess I'll keep writing about it.

One of my granddaughters has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She has had this since she was four years old. Her life has been full of fears and sadness because of this disease. She started to get better when she turned 13. Her fears were slowly ebbing away and we were all rejoicing.

She is now 20 years old and has done very well. She finished her grade 12 from an online school. She had a job in the last city the family lived in and did very well. Now they have moved to a new city. She got a job at The Body Shop. After she was hired and had worked a few days, they told her there was a quota on how much she must sell each day - $650. Well, she had already been selling that much, but the pressure of the quota and the 3 times monthly that they reviewed her work was too much for her so she quit. Apparently, her boss said no one is ever told they are meeting expectations. Everyone is told they are working below expectations so they will work harder, but it was too much for my granddaughter. She needed encouragement – not discouragement.

The Body Shop may be nice to animals, but humans are a different story.

So, she is having a set-back in her illness. She doesn’t know if she wants to try to work again. We are all feeling worried and sad for her.

This morning, as I talked with God, I said to him, “I know we are not supposed to worry or feel discouraged. But it is so hard not to feel that way.”

Then Mom and I turned on Joyce Meyer, who was speaking on trusting in God.  She used the Scripture, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”  2 Chronicles 20:12

“We don’t know what to do.” Yes, that is when fear, worry and sadness come upon us.

What can I do for my granddaughter? Nothing but be her friend.

What can God do for my granddaughter? Anything and everything.

That’s why our eyes should look towards God. He gives us hope. The hope is in how strong and wise he is. The hope is in how the Bible shows God brings good out of evil. The hope is in believing he hears our prayers and is working for us and for those we love.

“…hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and steadfast.  Hebrews 6: 18,19

Psalms 42 and 43 are great songs of hope. “Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God!”  Psalm 43:5 

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  Romans 15:13

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Philippians 4:6

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”  Proverbs 3:5

A Slow Burn.

I had never heard of Francois Fenelon (1651- 1715) until last week. He was an archbishop in the Catholic Church. I came across a letter he had written to a close friend. I immediately related to its content. For years I used to wonder why God didn't make me good/perfect as soon as I gave my life to him. I thought my obedience was important to God and I wanted to be good/perfect, so why wouldn't he do it?

Eventually, I learned from the Bible that our growth in Christ is a slow growth. Jesus said, "First a leaf blade pushes through, then the heads of wheat are formed, and finally the grain ripens."  Mark 4:26

 I concluded that perfect obedience was not as important to God as it was to me. Or, perfect obedience must come through learning and learning takes time.  

I think the reason I wanted to be perfect is so I could be sure of going to heaven. I thought if I sinned I might not be able to go. I had a lot to learn about God and Salvation.

Here is the letter:

"Do you wonder why God has to make it so hard on you? Why doesn’t He make you good without making you miserable in the meantime? Of course He could, but He does not choose to do so. He wants you to grow a little at a time and not burst into instant maturity. This is what He has decided and you can only adore His wisdom— even when you don’t understand it.

I am awed by what suffering can produce. You and I are nothing without the cross. I agonize and cry when the cross is working within me, but when it is over I look back in admiration for what God has accomplished. Of course I am then ashamed that I bore it so poorly. I have learned so much from my foolish reactions.

You yourself must endure the painful process of change. There is much more at work here than your instant maturity. God wants to build a relationship with you that is based on faith and trust and not on glamorous miracles.

God uses the disappointments, disillusionments, and failures of your life to take your trust away from yourself and help you put your trust in Him. It is like being burned in a slow fire, but you would rather be burned up in a blaze of glory, wouldn’t you? How would this fast burn detach you from yourself? Thus God prepares events to detach you from yourself and from others.

God is your Father, do you think He would ever hurt you? He just cuts you off from those things you love in the wrong way. You cry like a baby when God removes something or someone from your life, but you would cry a lot more if you saw the eternal harm your wrong attachments cause you.

You do not see with the eyes of eternity. God knows everything. Nothing happens without His consent. You are upset by small losses, but do not see eternal gains! Don’t dwell on your suffering. Your over-sensitivity makes your trials worse. Abandon yourself to God.

Everything in you that is not already a part of the established kingdom of God needs the cross. When you accept the cross in love, His kingdom begins to come to life within you. You must bear the cross and be satisfied with what pleases God. You have need of the cross. The faithful Giver of every good gift gives the cross to you with His own hand. I pray you will come to see how blessed it is to be corrected for your own good.

My God, help us to see Jesus as our model in all suffering. You nailed Him to the cross for us. You made Him a man of sorrows to teach us how useful sorrow is. Give us a heart to turn our backs on ourselves and trust only in You."

Feelings Irritate Me.

Sometimes I have wished I didn't have feelings. Feelings have tripped me up all my life; especially before I read Joyce Meyer's books and watched her videos. She helped me to understand feelings and how I didn't have to let them rule me.

But still, I sometimes wish... My marriage is full of feelings, good and bad. When the feelings are bad I say to God, "Lord, throw my anger into the sea." I thought that would take care of everything. I was wrong. The angry feelings just go down, down, down into my heart and then erupt like a volcano.

So, I tried a different prayer. "Lord, stop me before I start yelling and swearing at him." Oh yes, I do that; not often, but I do it. The Lord did do this for me. The next day my hubby was upset with me about (nothing, trust me) and was irritated and asking why I did this and that. (closed a cupboard door that he wanted open) I could feel this rage rising in me and then I thought, "No." I answered calmly. Okay, this was great.

The next day, I asked hubby something and he said, "Why do you bother me when I'm watching TV?" If I didn't talk to him while he was watching TV I would never talk to him at all. I felt the rage rising. He came into the room, I looked up and screamed, "Lord, help me not to swear at him!"

That night, I asked God, "Where did this rage come from? I don't like it or want it. I want to feel nothing if he hurts my feelings."  I talked and talked with God, and I got my answer as I talked. I said, "I'm tired of being constantly rejected by him. Every time I talk with him he acts like I'm a pain or a bother."

Okay, that's what it was. Something my husband and I had talked about 6 months ago and he had changed and things were better; but now he had reverted to his previous behavior. I wished I could just ignore it, but I knew I couldn't. We would have to have the "talk" about our marriage again. I knew it would hurt his feelings because he doesn't realize how much he hurts me.

I told God I didn't want to talk with him again. I was sick of the whole thing. Still, talking about it and getting it out there was better than rage, swearing and acting not like Jesus. Jesus would never, ever do what I did. He might get some cords and whack some tables, but he wouldn't swear at people.

One thing I know, if I don't confront and face things that are upsetting me I won't get over it. God made us that way. It's like when I was molested as a child. I had to have years of therapy. One day I knew I had to face it head-on and work through it. God made us that way. I wonder why? I'm not sure, but I do know he knows what he's doing. So even though I would like to be a happy robot, I trust God about giving us feelings.

I'm Not Good Enough to Be A Christian.

“The days are coming,” declares the Lord,

“when I will raise up for David a righteous Branch,

a King who will reign wisely

and do what is just and right in the land.

In his days Judah will be saved

and Israel will live in safety.

This is the name by which he will be called:

The Lord is Our Righteousness.

Jeremiah 23:6

Are you a Christian who has given up or feels terrible about how much you sin?  Are you someone who doesn't become a Christian because you think you can never be good enough?

I have been both of these people.

But there is good news.

The Lord Jesus is our righteousness. 

Jesus lived a righteous life for us. 

He knows we  cannot be righteous.

His righteousness covers us like a robe or coat.

We can, "come boldly to the throne of grace..." just as we are - every day.

"And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn't just for Abraham's benefit. It was recorded but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness--for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. Romans 4:22,23

"This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile."  Romans 3:22

"..that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.  Philippians 3:8-11

"All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags."  Isaiah 64:6

We are saved by grace through our faith (or belief in God and that he sent his Son to save us) not by one thing we do. 

Mental Illness and Sex.

I have been wondering if I should write about this subject and have decided I will in the hope it will help someone going through something similar. But if you don't want to hear about my sex problems, you better stop reading.

I was sexually used by my father, starting when I was very young. He also abused me physically a few times to keep me in line. I was terrified of him.

I'm 66 now, and still have trouble with sex. Things are definitely better, but I'm still working things out. God has shown me something I thought I would share.

Every Friday, even though I'd had a great week, I began feeling sad. I didn't know why until I prayed and paid attention to myself. It is because the weekend is coming and I know my husband and I will have sex at some point. After we do have sex, my depression lifts. I don't have to worry about it for another week.

The thoughts I used to have during sex were not pretty - I will spare you the details. But I couldn't enjoy the sex any other way, it seemed. I wanted to make my husband happy, and I was; but God was not happy because I was hurting myself.

God has been telling me a long time to quit thinking violent thoughts when I have sex. I tried a few times, but then I would just feel numb. Then one night after sex, I had this sudden urge to scream and keep screaming forever. The urge went away, but when I talked with God he said, "I can't keep you sane, as you keep asking me to do, if you continue thinking these thoughts." I pondered that for a few minutes and said, "I'll try." Then I said, "No, I promise I will never do it again."

At that, I felt a powerful presence come over me. I had woken with a headache and it went away immediately. My body had been aching; I felt a softness all over me and the aches were gone. I knew it was the overshadowing of God's presence. I felt so good and happy. I felt so thankful.

That was two weeks ago and sex with my husband has been great. We tried some new things to help me relax and of course, he is so patient with me and always has been. It is kind of embarrassing to talk with God about all this, but after all, he invented sex! It ain't my fault! I just want to learn how to live with it and enjoy it and He is helping me.

God always helps me with everything if I come to him about it. I wish I could convey how wonderful it is to have God to go to. People seem to be afraid to give control of their lives over to him. If they only knew! If they only knew what a great person he is! If they only knew how he gives his best to us.