Can You Be a Christian and Not Love God?

The last few weeks I have either heard or read Christians say, “We don’t obey God because we want to be saved, are afraid of him or want something from him. We obey God because we love him.”

This always gives me pause because of the number of years I have not felt love for God. I first gave my life to him because he showed me through a dream that I was lost. I saw Jesus returning and wasn’t ready. That dream terrified me.

My grandmother gave me a book about God and I loved it. Then I went to an evangelistic meeting. I enjoyed that also, but when they asked if anyone wanted to come forward to give their lives to Christ, I didn’t do it until the last night. That was the night the preacher talked about Jesus and his death on the cross for us. I felt love and gratitude and walked up to the stage to give myself to Jesus.

So, I guess I could say I came to God through fear and then love. But the love feeling didn’t last. Because of my church’s teachings, I started feeling very afraid to sin and believed God would turn away from me if I sinned. I don’t remember any teachings about how we will sin and how God will always be there for us.

So, I was afraid. I became legalistic too and looked down on those who weren’t as “good” as I was. I’m not sure how you can have both feelings, but I guess I went back and forth between them. When I did sin or make a mistake, I couldn’t pray for days because I felt so guilty.

I then learned about, “righteousness through faith,” from a new preacher in my church. This was wonderful news to me and I embraced it. I felt at peace with God for quite a few years.

But then some traumatic things happened in our family. I couldn’t understand why God would allow such pain. I felt repulsed by the way he ran the world and let people suffer. Not just my family, but everyone in the world. I was filled with anger towards him. I walked away from him.

Four years later, when I came back to him, I had read books on why God allows suffering. These books had helped me a lot and I could understand why things were the way they were. But love? No, I didn’t feel love for God and for the most part, I didn’t really believe he loved me.

This went on for years, and the thing is that even though I didn’t feel love for God, I wanted to be a good person and I knew God was the only way to be that. I felt as Jesus said, I hungered and thirsted for righteousness. I cared about justice, mercy, forgiveness, love, compassion, generosity and patience.

I loved what God stood for, but it was so hard for me to equate that with a person in heaven. Maybe because men had hurt me all my life, I couldn’t think of God in a loving way.

So then, if I took to heart what these Christians say about obeying God because I felt love for him, I would have given up in despair. But I learned from Joyce Meyer not to rely on my feelings. They are fickle and unreliable.

One of my sisters feels no love at all for God. She was angry with him for many years. But God wouldn’t let her go. He called her, he bugged her, he chased her until she reluctantly gave in to him. She worships him every day. She is learning about him every day. She is growing every day. There is a huge change in her, although she cannot see it, I do.

In fact, the way God has dealt with my sister has made me love him. Not many people love her. One reason is she always says the truth of what she thinks or believes. She doesn’t let people get away with bullshitting her. She is direct and pulls no punches, but that is one of the reasons I love her so much. She is straight with me; I don’t have to guess where she stands.

I’ve told her I think the thing God loves most about her is her honesty. She doesn’t want to hurt people with honesty, that is just her personality and most people don’t like it. But God does. I know he does, and oh how that makes me love him.

I only started having consistent “feelings” of love for God the last few years. I became a Christian at 19 and I am now 69. It has been a long wait for me. I had moments of that loving feeling, but they didn’t last. Now, it feels like my heart will burst with love and the joy of knowing God. It was worth the wait; I’m so happy.

I wrote this for those who have no feelings for God and think they should. I’m sure God understands feelings and knows they can’t be counted on. I think he wants us to worship him because we admire what he stands for: truth, faithfulness, justice, kindness, forgiveness, mercy, long-suffering, tolerance, and most of all love.

But honestly, I believe God will take us any way he can get us. He loves us that much.

Jesus' Feelings in the Psalms.

Psalm 1 The Sankt Florian Psalter

Many scholars say Psalm 40 is a Messianic Psalm, which is prophetic words about Jesus. In Hebrews 10, Paul attributes the Psalm to Christ. What I find interesting about these kind of Psalms is that they not only tell of Jesus’ coming suffering; they tell of Jesus’ feelings.

So, here are some commentaries on Psalm 40.

Verses 6-8

Barnes' Notes on the Bible.

“Lo, I come,” - It is difficult to see how this could be applied to David; it is easy to see how it could be applied to the Messiah. When all bloody offerings under the law - all the sacrifices which men could make - did not avail to put away sin, it was true of the Messiah that he came into the world to perform a higher work that would meet the case - a lofty work of obedience, extending even unto death, Philippians 2:8. This is precisely the use which the apostle makes of the passage in Hebrews 10:7,  passage in Hebrews 10:7, and this is clearly the most obvious meaning. It is in no sense applicable to David; it is fully applicable to the Messiah.

In the volume of the book - literally, "in the roll of the book." See the notes at Luke 4:17. The phrase would most naturally denote the "scroll of the law;" but it might include any volume or roll where a record or prophecy was made. In a large sense it would embrace all that had been written at the command of God at the time when this was supposed to be spoken. That is, as spoken by the Messiah, it would include all the books of the Old Testament. See the notes at Hebrews 10:7.

Gill’s Exposition of the Bible.

“For innumerable evils have compassed me about - Have surrounded me, or have beset me on every side.” The evils here referred to, understood as being those which came upon the Messiah, were sorrows that came upon him in consequence of his undertaking to do what could not be done by sacrifices and offerings; that is, his undertaking to save men by his own "obedience unto death." The time referred to here, I apprehend, is that when the full effects of his having assumed the sins of the world to make expiation for them came upon him; when he was about to endure the agonies of Gethsemane and Calvary.  

Barnes’ Notes on the Bible:

“So that I am not able to look up.” - This is not the exact idea of the Hebrew word. That is simply, I am not able to see; and it refers to the dimness or failure of sight caused by distress, weakness, or old age. The idea here is, not that he was unable to look up, but that the calamities which came upon him were so heavy and severe as to make his sight dim, or to deprive him of vision. Either by weeping, or by the mere pressure of suffering, he was so affected as almost to be deprived of the power of seeing.

“…are more than the hairs of mine head,” - That is, the sorrows that come upon me in connection with sin. The idea is that they were innumerable - the hairs of the head, or the sands on the seashore; being employed in the Scriptures to denote what cannot be numbered.

“Therefore my heart faileth me,” - as in Hebrew: "forsaketh." The idea is that he sank under these sufferings; he could not sustain them.

When I read the whole Psalm, I get a glimpse of what Jesus went through for us. A list of Messianic Psalms can be found:  www.simplybible.com/f01p-psalms-about-christ.htm

Assumptions.

"Disappointment" by Julius LeBlanc Stewart.

When I was in my early 20s, I went to a prayer meeting where the preacher said, “Isn’t it wonderful to be a Christian. We don’t suffer from the ups and downs of emotions like neurotic people.”

I’ll never forget sitting there thinking, “My emotions are up and down. Am I neurotic? Is that what is wrong with me? He is saying it means you aren’t a Christian! Is that right?”

This happened in the 1970s. I would bet most pastors now realize most of their congregation is neurotic in some way or another. Here is the definition from Wikipedia:

Neuroticism is one of the Big Five higher-order personality traits in the study of psychology. Individuals who score high on neuroticism are more likely than average to be moody and to experience such feelings as anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, guilt, depressed mood, and loneliness.^[1] People who are neurotic respond worse to stressors and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. They are often self-conscious and shy, and they may have trouble controlling urges and delaying gratification.

I don’t know, but it sounds like most of us to me.

I confess, I have done what that preacher did: assume. He assumed none of us in the room had those up and down emotions because he didn’t. He assumed all Christians were like him. He assumed Christ had taken care of all that in everyone.

I have assumed things about people. I have often said, “Well, they weren’t real Christians if they could do that!” You know what? That was wrong of me. I was actually saying they had no relationship with God at all. I don’t think I had the right to say that.

Our lives are a journey with God; we learn on this journey. We walk, fall, get up, run, crawl, get up, walk…  The times we fall may be when we are closest to God, who knows? Not you, not me. I am so guilty of the sin of judging people. I’m ashamed of myself and pray I will quit doing it. I know very well there are people who think I am not a Christian because of things I do. 

I hope and pray I can just love people without judging them. Just love them. Let God worry about what they are doing. Let him clean them up and clean me up in his own time. 

In closing, on my last post I mixed up which quotations I was putting together. I left out a really good quote by Thomas a Kempis about feelings that I still want to post. So here it is:

MY SON, trust not to your feelings, for they will quickly be changed into something else. As long as you live you are subject to change, even against your will; so that you are at one time merry, then sad; at one time quiet, then troubled; now devout, then worldly; now diligent, then listless; now grave, and presently light-hearted. 

But he that is wise and well instructed in the spirit stands firm upon these changeable things; not heeding what he feels in himself, or which way the wind of instability blows; but that the whole intention of his mind may tend to the right. 

So, I guess that pastor was wrong. We can have emotions that swing all over the place and still be Christians.

What to do About Evil Thoughts.

Manuscript of Imitation Of Christ.

Thomas Kempis has a lot to say about feelings and thoughts in his book, “Imitation of Christ.”  I remember when I was a young Christian, I would get so discouraged by my thoughts. They did make me feel bad about myself. It is nice to know our thoughts are no surprise to God and he accepts us as we are, thoughts, feelings and all other things.

I wish I had learned when I was young what to do with bad thoughts and feelings, but the first I heard about the topic was from Joyce Meyer, who told me what to do about them: Quote Scripture out loud. Or tell Satan to go away. We can do that, Joyce says, because Jesus did and he is our example. Kempis also writes a lot about not finding our comfort from fellow humans – that God is enough.

From the book,”Imitation of Christ”, by Thomas a Kempis.

IT IS GOOD that we sometimes have troubles and crosses; for they often make a man enter into himself, and consider that he is here in banishment, and ought not to place his trust in any worldly thing…

It is good that we be sometimes contradicted; and that men think ill or inadequately of us, even though we do and intend well. These things help often to the attaining of humility, and defend us from vain glory: for then we chiefly seek God for our inward witness, when outwardly we are condemned by men, and when there is no credit given unto us.  

Therefore, a man should rest himself so fully in God, that he need not to seek many comforts of men. When a good man is afflicted, tempted, or troubled with evil thoughts, then he understands better the great need he hath of God, without whom he sees he can do nothing that is good. Then, also, he sorrows, laments, and prays, by reason of the miseries he suffers. Then also he understands that perfect security and full peace can not be had in this world.

That good and sweet affection which thou sometimes feel, is the effect of grace present, and a sort of foretaste of thy heavenly home; but on this you must not lean too much, for it comes and goes. 

But to strive against evil motions of the mind which arise, and to reject with scorn the suggestions of the devil, is a notable sign of virtue, and shall have great reward. 

Let no strange fancies therefore trouble you, which on any subject whatever may crowd into thy mind. Keep to your purpose, with courage, and an upright intention toward God. Neither is it an illusion that sometimes thou art suddenly rapt on high, and presently return again unto the accustomed vanities of thy heart.

 Know that the ancient enemy doth strive by all means to hinder your longing for good, and to keep you clear of all devout exercises... Many evil thoughts he suggests to you, that so he may cause a weariness and horror in you, to draw you away from prayer and holy communion.

Blame him when he suggests evil and unclean thoughts unto you; say to him, “Away, you unclean spirit! ” “Depart from me you wicked deceiver! you shall have no part in me: but Jesus shall be with me as a valiant Warrior, and you shalt stand confounded. “

‘The Lord is my Light and my Salvation, whom shall I fear?’ "If whole armies should stand together against me, my heart shall not fear. The Lord is my Helper and my Redeemer.”

Living, Breathing, Walking Miracles.

Photo: https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Selengee123&action=edit&redlink=1

I was thinking about someone I know. She has been an on and off Christian for at least 25 years. Like me, she gets confused about who God is and what he wants. Well, about 2 years ago, she decided she was done questioning and wavering. She was going to get with God and stay there. The change in her has been miraculous.  She is happier, more peaceful, more loving, giving and kind.

As I thought about this, I thought how every Christian is a walking miracle. Some say there are no miracles anymore. I know there are; I’ve seen them.  But it is also a miracle how God changes our thinking and feelings. Some of the things I used to love, I now feel nothing for. Some of those things are big, some are small. But it was God who changed me, not me myself.

A personal story:  30 years ago my husband and I were not happy together. I think we both thought we had made a mistake in getting married. At that time, I had a job as a janitor and my husband worked for the gas company. A man at my job slowly started to like me. I slowly began to enjoy his company. A woman at my husband’s work started flirting with him. She told him she was lonely. Eventually she asked him to leave me. The man at my job asked me to leave Dan and be with him.

At the time I prayed, “I see Lord, how this is happening to both of us at the same time. Satan wants to break up our marriage.”  I prayed earnestly for months about how I felt about this co-worker and asked for deliverance. Soon, he was given a different position and we didn’t see each other any longer. Also, God had taken the feelings I had for him away. My husband introduced the woman at his job to another man who worked there.  She dated him and they eventually got married.

I love how the Lord dealt with everything. He helped both me and my husband to remain faithful without having to quit our jobs. He ruled over our feelings because we asked him to. Without God, I’m sure we would have cheated on each other and our marriage would have been over. How God worked within our hearts was a miracle.

I’ve learned through Joyce Meyer how Satan tries to use our feelings to rule over us. I’ve learned from God that he can take my feelings and change them. This brings such freedom to my heart, because I know however bad I feel, God can come to me with good. He lifts my head and makes me see what really matters – his love for me and for the world.

“But You, O LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, and the one who lifts my head.”

Psalm 3:3

Therapy with God.

"For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace."   Isaiah 9:6

This has been a difficult week for our family. My cousin's husband died in a car crash and a loved member of our family is detoxing from heroin. I didn't even know he smoked heroin. I didn't know a person could smoke heroin. I thought you had to inject it. Apparently not.

Needless to say I've been filled with sorrow about both these things. The man who died was around 55 years old. He and my cousin had a wonderful, Christian marriage. They did everything together after their daughter grew up and moved out. They loved to travel and went to Australia, Europe and Alaska. They were going to go to Arizona after Christmas.

The family member on heroin is a young man we all love. He lost his brother 5 years ago, and began using heroin on the anniversary of his death in September. He refuses to go to counseling, which would help him learn to cope with losing his brother, so what can we do? He refuses to go to Narcotics Anonymous and rehab, so his mother moved in with him this week while she weans him off heroin.

I have been praying for everyone and for myself so I won't slide into a depression. But I couldn't sleep all night after hearing all this. I didn't ask God to help me sleep. I just prayed for help for everyone, but I didn't go into detail.

I was feeling pretty grim the next day, and knew I had to do something. I realized I shouldn't just pray regular prayers; I should talk with God about everything in detail so I did. I could feel the weight lift from my heart as I shared my thoughts and feelings.

 I talked with him about my sleep patterns too and how they upset me, because I hadn't been talking with him about that. I've been understanding more and more how I just need to talk with God. Talk, not pray, just talk.

Talking is what you do in Therapy. I always learned something new about myself and my life in therapy, just by talking. I also felt better after a therapy session. I could see the way I should go more clearly.

Isaiah wrote that God is our Mighty Counselor.
I believe it.

He also called him the Prince of Peace.
Yes, he is.

"You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory."  Psalm 73:24

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you."   Psalm 32:8

I must add to this post that when my youngest daughter heard about the young man in our family, she was feeling very sad. She was on her computer, went to look at Pinterest, and on the first page she opened she saw this:

God is fighting for us and our families.

Feelings Irritate Me.

Sometimes I have wished I didn't have feelings. Feelings have tripped me up all my life; especially before I read Joyce Meyer's books and watched her videos. She helped me to understand feelings and how I didn't have to let them rule me.

But still, I sometimes wish... My marriage is full of feelings, good and bad. When the feelings are bad I say to God, "Lord, throw my anger into the sea." I thought that would take care of everything. I was wrong. The angry feelings just go down, down, down into my heart and then erupt like a volcano.

So, I tried a different prayer. "Lord, stop me before I start yelling and swearing at him." Oh yes, I do that; not often, but I do it. The Lord did do this for me. The next day my hubby was upset with me about (nothing, trust me) and was irritated and asking why I did this and that. (closed a cupboard door that he wanted open) I could feel this rage rising in me and then I thought, "No." I answered calmly. Okay, this was great.

The next day, I asked hubby something and he said, "Why do you bother me when I'm watching TV?" If I didn't talk to him while he was watching TV I would never talk to him at all. I felt the rage rising. He came into the room, I looked up and screamed, "Lord, help me not to swear at him!"

That night, I asked God, "Where did this rage come from? I don't like it or want it. I want to feel nothing if he hurts my feelings."  I talked and talked with God, and I got my answer as I talked. I said, "I'm tired of being constantly rejected by him. Every time I talk with him he acts like I'm a pain or a bother."

Okay, that's what it was. Something my husband and I had talked about 6 months ago and he had changed and things were better; but now he had reverted to his previous behavior. I wished I could just ignore it, but I knew I couldn't. We would have to have the "talk" about our marriage again. I knew it would hurt his feelings because he doesn't realize how much he hurts me.

I told God I didn't want to talk with him again. I was sick of the whole thing. Still, talking about it and getting it out there was better than rage, swearing and acting not like Jesus. Jesus would never, ever do what I did. He might get some cords and whack some tables, but he wouldn't swear at people.

One thing I know, if I don't confront and face things that are upsetting me I won't get over it. God made us that way. It's like when I was molested as a child. I had to have years of therapy. One day I knew I had to face it head-on and work through it. God made us that way. I wonder why? I'm not sure, but I do know he knows what he's doing. So even though I would like to be a happy robot, I trust God about giving us feelings.

Good Day/Bad Day

Last night, as I lay in bed, I said to God, "Thanks for such a great day." Then I stopped. It hadn't actually been a great day as far as events in my life. Some truly negative things were going on in my family and that day had been especially stressful. But as the day wound down, I didn't feel the stress in my heart like I used to. I didn't feel like crying. What a difference! All because I finally understand God loves me just as I am and I love him, so every day is wonderful because it is a day with him.

I have this thing called Joy in my heart now. I used to read about it and want it but I never found it until recently. I couldn't understand how anyone could feel joyful in this horrible world or joyful when they, or someone they loved, were suffering. I finally know. It only took me 45 years! Lol  Well, I had a lot to get over and a lot to learn.

It feels weird not to be worried about family members who are sick. I almost feel like that is betraying them. How dare I have a good day when they are suffering! How dare I have a moment's happiness when they are sad! I actually feel guilty. But, as Joyce Meyers says, we cannot let our feelings rule us. We must live by the word of God and what is right and wrong. It is wrong to worry and I ain't gonna do it any more.

Peace. That's what you get when you don't worry. I used to want that too and now I have it. Peace with God. Resting in his love. It is so wonderful.

This isn't to say I won't ever cry again or feel awful, no, but it won't be my default button any more.

Feeling What We Think.

I was listening to a sermon by Joyce Meyer the other day. She was preaching on, "Thinking."  She says our minds are a battlefield between good and evil thoughts. We can choose our thoughts, she says, and I believe her.

She said she used to wake up each day thinking about how she didn't want to get out of bed because she had to do the same old thing: cleaning up after other people. She would think about how no one helped her and no one cared.

I used to wake up thinking, "I wish I was dead." I hated living with my mental illness; I was tired of fighting it. Like Joyce, I felt there was no reason to get out of bed. I was totally bored with my life now that I no longer babysat my granddaughter. I tried to interest myself with new things, but everything felt grey and flat.

I learned through therapy I needed to have some positive thinking in my life. And I knew through Joyce I had to quote scripture and praise God first thing upon waking. This is what I do and it works. This morning I thought, "I'm conscious. What a nightmare."  Sheesh. The thoughts I have are unbelievable! But Joyce said in her sermon that we have to realize it is Satan giving us these bad thoughts. He wants us to give up on life and not trust God. I don't have to believe those thoughts.

I rarely ever think about Satan, but I have to admit she is right. Satan tempted Jesus with thoughts when he was in the wilderness. Jesus quoted scripture and then told Satan to go away. We can do the same.

The thoughts Joyce and I used to have made us angry, depressed and resentful towards others. Not a pretty picture. We all get these thoughts, but we don't have to dwell on them like I did. We can notice them and then ask God to throw them into the depths of the sea. Then think about something good. This works the same for lustful or hateful thoughts. Don't be surprised you have them; don't dwell on them.

Jesus said, "But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.”
Matthew 15:18-20

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  Philippians 4:8


Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God.  1Peter 4:2

Emotions and God.

Photo by Proimos

http://www.flickr.com/people/34120957@N04

Who is God?

He is someone who cares about how we are feeling each day.

"When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. "Don't cry!" he said."  Luke 7:13

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."  Matthew 6:34

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Phil. 4:6

Do not fret because of those who are evil

or be envious of those who do wrong;

for like the grass they will soon wither,

like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the Lord and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,

your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord

and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when people succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;

do not fret—it leads only to evil.

For those who are evil will be destroyed,

but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more;

though you look for them, they will not be found.

But the meek will inherit the land

and enjoy peace and prosperity.

Psalm 37:1-11

Who am I?

Someone who let her feelings run amok day by day. Someone who took years to learn to give her feelings to God. Someone who now knows what a dangerous trap feelings can be.