Thank you very much for your prayers for me. I woke up this morning and I felt better. The clouds had lifted by the power of God.

This morning, I woke from a dream. In the dream there was a large round table. There were about 10 people sitting around the table with playing cards in their hands. I sat down in an empty chair. My cards were face down in front of me. I could see the cards of the other players. Everyone had a 3 in their hand. I looked down at my cards and thought, "I need to have a 3 also so I will be like all the others." I picked up my cards and I did have a 3. I felt happy, then I woke up.

I would guess the dream represents how I feel around people, even family. I need to be like them to fit in. Everything I do should match up with other people so they will love me. I don't want to be different. I want to fit in. I want to please people, and if I don't, I feel devastated.

I've known this about myself, but I guess I need to face it and pray about it. It was frightening to make a mistake when I was young because my father could become very angry. He never believed me if I said I didn't know something was wrong. He would say, "Don't give me that. You know better." I didn't really. He always thought I was lying about things and when I was a teen he called me a slut. I had not had sex with any boy at the time, but after that I decided I didn't care anymore because he already thought I was having lots of sex. The only kind of sex I'd ever had was with him when I was younger.

Joyce Meyer says, "The only way out is through." She said that about her sexual abuse. She didn't want to deal with it, but God showed her she needed to. I've dealt with mine too, I think. But there are always going to be after-effects of our childhoods. No one gets completely away from that. It is a large part of who we are.

Thankfully, God tells us, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."


I am a new person compared to the person I was before I met Jesus. Giving my life to him was the best decision I ever made. He has made many parts of my life so beautiful. My most precious dream was to have children. He gave me two daughters and now 7 grandchildren. I feel most blessed, my dream came true and he multiplied it. One day I will live with God in heaven - my most precious dream now.

He never sleeps
He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayers
When we are weak
He becomes stronger
So rest in his love
Cast all of your cares on him.


From "He Never Sleeps," by Don Moen.