Nightmares of a Sexually Abused Girl. (Warning: Trigger and not so nice shit going on.)

I had a dream this morning. I don’t think I have ever shared a dream like this before, but I felt God wanted me to share it because of other women who were abused. So they don’t feel alone. So they know someone understands.

First of all, I used to have terrible nightmares for years about my father and sex. At first, I had blood on my nightgown in the dreams. This changed into excrement. So many dreams where I had poop all over myself, trying to hide it, horrified at the smell and running from people so they wouldn’t see or smell me.

In this dream, I met a wealthy, older man in Las Vegas. He was large and wore black expensive clothes. H met me through my paintings. He saw them and liked them and wanted to meet me. He encouraged me to keep painting and one day have a showing that he would finance. He was nice, but I could see he wanted to have sex with me. I became attracted to him, but he was married and so was I so I told him I had to go home and I told myself I would never see him again.

A few of my family members were there too and we had stayed at his place for a couple of days. I wanted to give the man a gift, but when I tried to do that, his nice vases and figurines got all tangled with the gift. I couldn’t untangle it and there was a huge mess in his living room because of me. I told him I would clean his house before we left.

He and my family were cleaning up when I had to go to the bathroom. I had been sweeping, but had to stop. I ran to find a bathroom and they were full so excrement was leaking down my legs. I finally found one and got poop all over the place. A man was in a room next to mine and shoved something through the wall. It was a key with a wooden piece on it that said, “Men.” I grabbed it and got poop on it and threw it on the floor. The man came in and looked at me with disgust and left. I heard the rich man call out to me, “Where are you? It’s just like your family to make a mess wherever they go! And why aren’t you helping?”

I felt so worthless and helpless. I knew he would also be disgusted with me. I walked to the door and opened it a crack and told him I was having trouble. I didn’t know I had poop smeared on my face.

He looked at me, at first with anger, and then his face softened and I saw love, forgiveness and understanding on it. I was amazed he could love me the way I looked. I woke up.

I know I had always confused God with my father. I always had the seemingly impossible task of believing God loved me. God was my father. My father was a sexual pervert and physically abusive. At church they told me over and over that God was a father. Well, I was always afraid of my father and of God.

Lately, the last few years, I’ve grown closer to God and have begun to finally see his love for me. I think the dream shows that. It is a good sign, I think. I’ve always been too embarrassed to admit I am many times covered in poop in my dreams. I felt like sharing, because I think other women may dream this too.

Right now, I am close to our dear God, but because of my mental illness, I’m not so close to my family. They love me very much, I know that, but they don’t understand me and are afraid of saying something to make me want to kill myself. Also, I talk about God all the time and I think they get bored with that and with me. I don’t think they really enjoy being with me, and I don’t blame them. I don’t enjoy myself either. Lol I get sick of my sickness.

I have no friends. I rarely leave the house because I’m afraid I might run over someone or hit another car. The traffic in my city is totally crazy. Even when I do go out, I can’t wait to come home. I seem to always say the wrong thing to people or I start sweating up a storm until it is dripping off my nose.

I have come so far in therapy with dealing with the abuse. I’m sure after reading this, you with think, “Um, No, you haven’t.” lol  But I have. I used to want to die every day. Now I usually wake up happy at the thought of spending the day with God. I talk with him and pour out my heart to him. He is everything to me. I do have small lapses, but I’m glad I’m not completely mad and in an institution somewhere.

I also think one reason I’m this crazy is my father burned my hands on a stove when I was three. I kind of left my body when that happened and have been royally fucked up ever since. BUT I got married (twice), had two beautiful girls, have a good husband, and have 7 wonderful grandchildren who love me. So, all in all, I think God has paid me, “double for my trouble,” as Joyce Meyer says. The fact I could have a semi-normal life is a very big deal and I thank God for it.

One thing about my family. Every one of us believes in God. We will all be together in heaven. I mean, that is a huge, wonderful miracle! I know my two grandmas prayed for all of us and I’m thankful for their prayers as I’m sure it made a difference. We are a stubborn, pleasure-loving family, yet God pulled us to himself by a series of calamities that made us see how stupid and wasteful it is to love this world and the things in it. We don’t care about the world any longer. We care about our family and being together in heaven. We learned the pleasures of this world end up as ashes in our hands. But the ways of God fill our hands with people to love and a glorious future.

A Berry Tree and Samson.

I listened to a 3-part sermon last night about Samson. I’ve never liked Samson. He seems brutish and stupid to me. I’ve always been disgusted at his behavior.

I listened to these sermons on Spotify on a podcast called, Creekside Church. I also found their sermons online at http://www.creeksidechurch.org/sermons Every sermon I’ve heard there has been terrific.

I saw something this morning that reminded me of the sermon. It was two trees located in the neighboring apartment parking lot. I love these kind of trees because in the winter, when the snow clings to their branches, birds come and eat the red berries.

But in the 5 years I’ve lived here, the trees have never been pruned. The one in the foreground has branches growing in all directions and there are bare spots where nothing grows. It looks a mess, which reminded me of Samson’s life. He was always reaching out to find a woman who could fulfill his life. This always turned out messy and sometimes deadly.

The pastor said Samson’s life is an example for us what NOT to do. Yes, of that I am sure. He said his problem was his unchecked desires. Samson would say: “I want it, I deserve it and I can handle it.”

I remembered those were the very words I used to say to myself about my gambling addiction. I said to myself, “I want to gamble. It is so exciting and there is nothing like the thrill of winning.” I said, “I deserve this. My life is hard, constantly spent helping other people. I deserve some fun.” I said, “I can handle this. “I will stop before I lose too much.”

And I tried to, but I couldn’t. I spent too much, way too much. I usually spent all the money I had that was for my clothes or extras for the house. One time, when I was also an alcoholic, I spent $400 my husband had saved to fix the car.

I had prayed about it, and one day I thought of making a solemn vow to God to stop gambling in my city and the nearest cities. I’d leave a door open for vacations. Lol So, I did make the vow and kept it except for one time when I had a breakdown and was in the hospital all day. I did go to the casino that one time, but I know God forgave me as he forgives all things.

I now see myself as a tree unpruned. I reached out for happiness, excitement and love from things and people around me. It never worked. I didn’t feel much peace and little happiness until I had pretty well lost everything and everyone and was left with God alone.

I said to him, “Well God, it’s just you and me. I need you to fill the loneliness and emptiness of my life. I couldn’t see how he could do it, but he did. (I know I’ve written about this before.) Slowly he did it. He gave me reasons to live and enjoy life and I still feel that way. He showed me how not to let people hurt my heart. 

Yes, I can get sad sometimes, but I go to him right away. I pour out my heart to him and he shows me the way out of the sadness. He is enough for me. He is more than enough. I have never felt this joy inside before and it was well worth the pain to find his loving arms and faithfulness to me.

God and a Little Girl.

This is a picture of me at 6 years old. My mother used to cut my hair. Lol  I thought I looked like the Dutch Boy on the paint cans. I remember being a bit embarrassed and by the time I was 8 I had a nice pony tail like the other girls.

I’m not sure if I’ve written this story before, but I feel compelled to tell it so you’ll have to forgive me if you have already read it. It was 1956 and I was six years old when my parents decided to leave Canada and move me, my sister and brother to a drier climate. My brother had severe asthma and the doctors said he wouldn’t survive another winter.

So, they applied to move to the United States and my father got a job in Loma Linda, California at a hospital working in the accounting office. We packed up and took off in our roomy car. On the way, my father would break into song, “California here we come; right back where we started from…” I was very excited since I knew about Hollywood where all the movie stars worked and the TV shows were made. I imagined it was beautiful. (At the time, it was definitely not beautiful and we were terribly disappointed.)

The drive down south was certainly beautiful. We took Highway 101, which is famous for its fantastic views of the Pacific Ocean and the giant Redwood trees. We stopped at the Trees of Mystery, drove through a hole in a tree and had our picture taken in front of a huge sculpture of Paul Bunyan. We also stopped at the Sea Lion Caves, which were wonderful. Then we came to San Francisco, where we got out of the car and walked on the Golden Gate Bridge. It was all very exciting for me and I suppose that trip is the reason I have loved to travel.

The day we left the bridge and came back to the hotel was a day I will never forget. We entered our room and my father said, “My wallet is gone.” We looked all over the room, but Dad figured he must have lost it in the car or at the bridge. One of my parents said, “Let’s pray.”

We all knelt down on the carpet and my father prayed. I guess I prayed too, I don’t remember. But I do remember one of them saying, “All the money we have in the world is in that wallet.” I would guess it was the first time I had ever seen my parents afraid., so I was afraid too.

We drove to the bridge. Dad got out of the car to retrace our steps. We waited, feeling very nervous. He came back with the wallet. He said it was lying open on the sidewalk. The money was sticking out for all to see. Yet though people were walking by, no one saw it or picked it up. I believe the Lord put his hand over it.

From that moment until now, sixty-two years later, I have never once doubted the existence of God. I don’t know what that answered prayer did for my brother and sister, but for me – I knew there was a God who hears us. And come to think of it, they never had doubts about God’s existence either. None of us were Christians when we were teenagers, but as adults we all came to him. My brother died of asthma at age 21. Before he died he wrote an article about how he was ready to meet Jesus. My older sister has become very close to God in the last 15 years. I became a Christian when I was 19.

I’m so thankful to God for showing us kids his mercy and kindness when the whole family needed him. I’m not sure what we would have done back then to keep traveling and staying in motels and eating. Actually, I’m sure the Lord would have provided in a different way. I just want to say a big, "Thank you," to God for showing a 6- year-old girl what you can do.

Don't Regret the Past.

After writing my last post, where I said I wish I had known spiritual things when I was younger, I felt the Lord did not want me to keep thinking and saying that about my life. There were so many things we need to learn about God and being a Christian. But God doesn’t zap all that knowledge inside us when we are following him. We learn as we live, struggle and experience the good and bad things of life. This is the way he teaches us.

God could have made David a king immediately after Samuel anointed him. But Dave had to flee and hide from King Saul for 20 years. If David had not suffered the loss of all things, even his family and home, we would not have most of the Psalms, which have given wisdom and comfort to millions of people. When I am in distress, I turn to the Psalms. They teach us how to rely on the Lord when we are confused, sad and frightened.

God could have delivered his people from Egypt at the time Moses wanted to do that. But he didn’t, and Moses was spent 40 years living as a shepherd before God called him. Moses must have matured and become patient as he looked after sheep. When God did call him, he felt he wasn’t up to the task, which is what God was waiting for. Moses had become humble, and as the Bible says, “The meekest man on earth.” Now God could use him.

God allowed Joseph to be a slave and then a prisoner before he could use him. Joseph had learned to trust God through two of the worst conditions that can come upon a person. He came to Egypt a spoiled child but grew to be one of the few people in the Bible that records none of his sins. His forgiveness towards his brothers is beautiful to read about.

I feel like God doesn’t want me to regret the past years of my walk with him. There were years when I was angry at him and wouldn’t speak to him. When I turned and came back to him, I could only read one verse in the Bible at a time. Slowly, I could read more and spend more time praying. I was an alcoholic during that time, for 10 years. Yet God didn’t leave me. He was always there hearing my prayers and helping me.

How do we thank a God like that? He stoops low to save us. He, himself, the God of the universe is humble. He will take us as we are. He has great patience to stay with us through all our trials and temptations. There is a song lyric, “I’m confident your faithfulness will see me through.” (Song: Confident, sung by Steffany Gretzinger)  I believe that now for myself. No wonder we will praise God in song through all eternity. 

The Black Cloud of Depression.

I thought I’d revisit the topic of depression, since I am so closely acquainted with it. I’d been feeling happy for many months, then depression hit again. Every morning. Again. I knew it might be caused by my youngest daughter and my granddaughter leaving to live in Canmore. But I didn’t see why this sadness was lasting so long.

After a few weeks of this, I asked God about it. Before this, I had just been asking for help and quoting Scripture. That wasn’t working this time. I realized when I asked God why this was happening and why nothing was working, I should have asked him many days ago. Because God always answers my questions. Sometimes he answers right away; sometimes in days. So, I waited for an answer and kept my eyes open.

I believe I got an answer the next day. The answer came through Christian books I was reading, podcasts by Annie F. Downs, and Joyce Meyer on TV. She was the one who showed me how important it is to quote Scripture out loud. There is power in that. Evil spirits don’t stay around when the Word of God is quoted.

That morning, Joyce was speaking about depression. This is what I learned.

1. Believe God loves me. Not an easy one for me, although it is getting easier.

2. Write in a notebook every time God does something for me, be grateful and thank Him. I do thank him many times, but not daily and I don’t write it down. I thought of all the things he has done lately for my family, really important things, and felt better.

3. Believe God is working. Now I’d heard this from Joyce a few years ago and it changed the way I felt about my family. I used to worry about them and I would say this to myself, I did believe it and this brought peace. But I never used this phrase to help myself – to really believe God was working for me every day. To believe that actually helps me believe he loves me.

4. Don’t get discouraged because you have to learn and remember spiritual truths over and over. This is a big one for me, and it was by listening to interviews on Annie F. Downs’ podcast where I found a lot of Christians have found this to be true in their lives. I used to wonder, when I would learn something new that helped me, why didn’t it stick with me? Why would I keep forgetting? Why was I so dense?

Apparently, I’m not alone in this. And I suppose that is why we must read Scripture every day. God’s ways are so much higher and so different from our ways, it takes a lifetime to learn them. And I am thankful God is super patient.

 Thus, after a full day of searching for God’s answer, I believe I have found it in these four ways of living and thinking. I don’t feel depressed today, I feel blessed. Not that I am supposed to rely on my feelings, but it is truly lovely not to feel a dark cloud circling my head.

Hills and Valleys.

Mt. Carmel: Wikipedia

I listen to Annie F. Downs who has a podcast called, “That’s Sounds Fun.” I listen to her on Spotify which also has a huge library of music. Sometimes Annie has musicians on her show. When she does, I go listen to some of their songs. I’ve found many beautiful Christian music this way. Listening to songs about God makes my heart soar, and there are always good lessons in the lyrics.

One song I found recently is called, “Hills and Valleys,” sung by Tauren Wells.  It is my favorite song right now. What I find in Christian music is that I can put myself in the lyrics or I think of the people from the Bible. “Hills and Valleys” speaks to the fact we all go through highs and lows in our spiritual lives. I wish I had known that as a young Christian because then I might not have been so despairing in my low times. I thought I was a bad Christian and I just didn’t know how to live the life and have faith like other Christians.

When I first heard this song, I imagined myself on hills and going through valleys. But I’m afraid my hills aren’t very inspiring. With my psychological makeup I have been mostly slogging through valleys. So, I thought about people in the Bible. First there is Moses. He was on the mountaintop with God. He spoke face to face with God. He was given the tablets of the Ten Commandments written with God’s own finger. But then there were his valleys. He spent 40 years travelling around the desert with a bunch of people that kept complaining until he finally lost his temper and God did not appreciate it. Still, like the song says, he kept his eyes on God. He didn’t turn away. And he was a humble man He knew he didn’t get to that mountaintop on his own. It was God who made him what he was, a great man of faith, and when he was in the valley, God himself buried him.

Then there is Elijah. He was on the mountaintop with God on Mt. Carmel. He prayed and fire came down from heaven to prove God was God of the whole world and there was none other. Like the song says, he didn’t get there on his own, but that same day, Elijah became afraid and ran away from Queen Jezebel. He didn’t ask God what to do, he just ran for his life. He was in a valley. He ran for miles and miles and even told God he wanted to die. He was discouraged, but he kept his eyes on God. He ran, but he didn’t run from God and God sent an angel to help him.

Jesus. He was on a few mountaintops. He gave the Sermon on the Mount. He climbed a mountain with Peter, James and John. As he was praying, Moses and Elijah came down from heaven to talk with him about his death. He was transfigured there and became bright as the sun. But very soon after that he walked through the Kidron Valley to the Mt. of Olives, there to go through his greatest suffering. When Jesus was on mountaintops, he didn’t get there on his own either. His Father was with him. He said he did nothing without the Father. And through his valley, he kept praying and keeping his eyes on his Father who sent an angel to strengthen him.

In each of these stories, God took each one to heaven after they had gone through a valley. So, don’t be discouraged if you are going through a valley right now. One day, either here or in heaven, you will be standing on a mountaintop with God.

The Three Sisters.

Hello Everyone, I feel in my heart some things I want to share about God, so I’m going to start posting again, but not reading other blogs because of the issue with my eyes.

My youngest daughter, Christine, was living in Lethbridge, Alberta. Her husband had been transferred there and she had gotten a good job working for two surgeons. But their youngest daughter, who has OCD, became sick. Lethbridge has high winds and tornados and their daughter became so frightened she needed to leave. My daughter quit her job and went with her and they came here to Kelowna.

My son-in-law told his employers he had to move closer to Kelowna and get away from the winds.  They had wanted to move him far up north, but that just made his daughter feel worse. She missed her sisters and the city she had grown up in.

So, Christine looked for work here, not knowing what would happen. We were all praying for God to lead them where to live. I knew something good would happen. I was hoping they could all move back here, but that wasn’t the answer. After a month, the company asked if they would move to Canmore, Alberta. It is much closer to us and is near Banff, a skiing and resort area. They all met there to look around and their daughter was happy. She liked it and there are no tornados as it is at the foot of the Rockies.

Yesterday, Christine phoned me and asked if I knew there were three mountains there called, The Three Sisters. I told her I had seen them. She said, “You will never guess what the mountain’s names are. They are called, Faith, Hope and Charity.” I was astonished, because those are the names of Christine’s three girls, Faith, Hope and Cherish. I said, “It is a sign from God.” Christine said, “Yes, I know. We are right where he wants us to be.”

I do believe that whenever those mountains were named, they were named by inspiration from God so he could encourage our family in our troubles. I want to thank him and praise him for his kindness.

For those who remember my mother was sick, she is living here with us now. She has cancer, but it is slow-growing for which we are thankful. We love having here here with us.  

The Eyes Have It.

Hello Everyone. I’m going to have to quit reading blogs.  I’m not sure for how long. I might keep posting; I'm praying about that. As I explained earlier, I was waiting for cataract surgery. It was getting hard to read on my laptop. My left eye is the worst, my right eye is much better than that one. I see now, as I sat down to write my post today that reading is even harder than before. I was also getting headaches then.

My surgery was scheduled for last month but I did not have it. It is a strange story why I didn’t. I was preparing for the operation. I was supposed to buy two kinds of eye drops from the drug store, one was an antibiotic. I had to take them three days before the operation. I went to the store 4 days before and they didn’t have that antibiotic. They needed my doctor’s permission to change to another one. It was a holiday weekend, so it was difficult. They finally got the new prescription and called me. I went and got it. I wouldn’t be able to take more than one dose before the operation because I had gotten it so late.

The night before I was to start taking it I remembered something. When I had been in Nevada 15 years ago, I had a strange, clear bump on the white of one eye. I went to a clinic and he prescribed an antibiotic. I took it at my sister’s house and immediately became weak and almost fainted. I was shocked by this. I went to the clinic the next day and told the doctor what happened. He said, “I’ve been a doctor for 25 years and I’ve never had this happen to a patient.” I guess that meant he thought I was lying. He told me they would put a drop in while I was there, so they did. It took a few minutes until I felt faint. They took my blood pressure etc. and had to put me in a bed. The doctor was shocked too.

So, here I was remembering this. I had told these doctors I wasn’t allergic to any drugs. I had just forgotten about it, but now I felt so stupid. My husband told me to just go and have the operation. I had put the other drops in for the 3 days. I had read the directions and it said not to touch the eye with my hands or anything else, even the top of the bottle. Well, the morning of the operation I decided to cut my bangs. They were way too long. I cut them and three pieces of hair fell in my bad eye. Yes, that’s right, not one but three. I had to dig them out with a tissue. So, I’m standing there wondering if God wants me to not have the operation. I said to him, “I’ll go to the hospital. If you don’t want me to have this operation, please make me get sick.”

My granddaughter, Faith, drove me to the hospital and as we were walking to the elevator I became sick. I ran to a bathroom. Afterwards, I told my granddaughter to go and tell them I couldn’t have the operation. She did.

Well, that is where I am at now. I can read on my tablet, but not my laptop. I find it difficult to read blogs on the tablet. I guess the next step should be that I get tested for allergies to different antibiotics. I did get sick last year from Macrobid. Who knows how many others? I do wish I had remembered about the eye drops sooner, but I’m very glad God stopped me from the operation. I read later that people past 60 years old sometimes die of eye antibiotics. Their hearts just stop and they can’t get them going again.

My daily life with God has been wonderful. He is the strength of my life; he is my strong tower I run to and I am safe; he is my light in darkness. How I wish everyone on earth would just give him a chance, if they would just, “taste, and see that the Lord, he is good.”

Fear and Faith.

Photo by: https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Karemin1094&action=edit&redlink=1

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." 

"Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;  though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling." 
Psalm 46:1-3

 Psalm 46 brings comfort to me. There are beautiful, as well as fearful thoughts here. Verses 1-3 remind me of what Jesus said to the disciples in the midst of a terrible storm, when they were in danger of capsizing and drowning. He asks them, “Why are you afraid? Where is your faith?”

Jesus was explaining to them that no matter how frightening a situation is, we must have faith (trust) in God. If God allows us to drown, that is fine. If God decides to save us from drowning, that is fine. This is total trust in God’s wisdom and power. The disciples had not learned this kind of trust yet.

In these three verses, the Psalm describes the world in convulsions. Some commentators say these represent the anger of the nations. Some say they represent actual physical events. Some say they represent the storms of life. Some say they represent all three.

Because of the later verses in this chapter, I believe they represent the physical condition of the earth right before Jesus returns. Verses 6-9 say this:

"Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."
"Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire."

About the last plague to come upon mankind, the Book of Revelation says this:

"Look, I come like a thief! Blessed is the one who stays awake and remains clothed, so as not to go naked and be shamefully exposed." And they assembled them at the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon. The seventh angel poured out his bowl into the air, and a loud voice came out of the temple, from the throne, saying, “It is done!”
  
"And there were flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder, and a great earthquake such as there had never been since man was on the earth, so great was that earthquake."

"The great city was split into three parts, and the cities of the nations fell, and God remembered Babylon the great, to make her drain the cup of the wine of the fury of his wrath.   And every island fled away, and the mountains were not found."
Revelation 16:15-20

What is so beautiful in this Psalm are the verses that give us hope, peace and courage:

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day."

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

"The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."
As these days draw near, let us pray for God's courage, faith and peace.

Miracles and Dreams.

Photo by Joe Mabel

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Jmabel 

Announcement:

I have cataracts on both eyes. They are growing. It is hard to read on my laptop and tablet. My eyes feel strained and tired. Therefore, I’ve had to cut down or even eliminate reading your blogs, my friends and followers. Terribly sorry, but that is the way it is for now. I’ll be getting surgery sometime this spring or summer. I’m hoping to return and start reading again.

I love to read your blogs. They usually inspire me. I love hearing how God is working in people’s lives. So, I will come back when my eyesight is normal. I will also still be posting once a week if I feel God wants me to.  So on to my post for today.

Dreams and Miracles

I wanted to share with you some of the miracles that have taken place for a group called GLOW – Giving Light to Our World. It is part of the ministry for my church, Seventh-Day-Adventist. I don’t go to church any longer because of many reasons, one being I am not mentally well and find it hard to be around people. I rarely leave my apartment, but I’m very happy here with my family.

Anyway, my mom gets a magazine from the church and they had an article about what has happened with GLOW this year. I want to share this exciting news with two stories:

“In the U.S. Liz was working at home when she heard a knock on the door. When she opened it, David, who was handing out GLOW pamphlets, was already walking away. Liz called out to let him know she was home. Back on her porch, David handed Liz a GLOW paper.

“I have chills right now!” Liz said. “Not too long ago I had a dream. In the dream I saw two ministers of the gospel coming to my house sharing literature.” David was thrilled to hear about her dream, but he was the only person there.

Just then, Taylor, his ministry partner, arrived. He had run out of tracts and had come looking for David to get more. Now there were two ministers of the gospel at her door.

Liz looked at David and Taylor, “I believe this is from God. In my dream I saw two ministers at my door bringing me hope. I heard a voice from heaven saying, “This is your last chance. I am coming back soon!” Please pray for me. I need Jesus in my life.

This story came from the Philippines:

A church member was walking through several neighborhoods handing out GLOW tracts. In his city, it was customary for trash to be swept into small piles near the street and burned. Someone lit a pile of trash near where the missionary was handing out pamphlets. 

A man walked by and noticed one piece of paper that would not burn. He picked it up and tried to light it, but it wouldn’t catch fire. He called some people over to see this strange happening. Speechless, the crowd watched his failed attempts to burn this pamphlet.

Across the street, the church member noticed the crowd and went to see what was happening. Stunned, he told them he was the person handing out the leaflets. He invited them all to an evangelistic meeting at his church that evening. Some came just for the one meeting, others continued to come until the series ended. Several of the eyewitnesses of the tract that wouldn’t burn were baptized.

From Adventist World, October 2017.

From Robbing Banks into God's Arms.

Photo by:

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:AgnosticPreachersKid

One of my followers has asked me to write about my family and how God worked in their lives. For many in my family, it has been a slow growth from child to adult, always believing in God. However, there is one family member who met God while he was in prison.

He doesn’t want me to share his name so I’ll call him Stephen. Stephen was raised in a home of physical abuse and neglect. His father beat him and his siblings, later his step-father did the same. Both fathers were alcoholics. They also beat Stephen’s mother.

Stephen started getting into trouble with the law and went to prison for the first time for robbing a postal office. He got a year hard labor for that. He never went back home to live. He moved from city to city, getting arrested and sentenced for assault. He was in lots of fights. He sold drugs.

When he was 24, he lived in a large city. He met a man who came from a small prairie town. This man knew when the town bank received it’s money. The nearest police were many miles away. It looked like a sure thing to rob this bank and get away. Stephen said he was in.

Another man joined them. They bought rifles and duffel bags for the money. They drove to the town. They got out of the car with the rifles and went through the first door. But Stephen said, “Something’s wrong.”  He said later, he just felt something strange. He told his friends to follow him and leave. As they walked back through the front door they were surrounded by police and arrested. It turned out the third man had ratted on them to get a lesser sentence on a previous crime. The police had been waiting for them.

At the trial, Stephen expected to get 8 years. He was surprised to get only 2 years. Apparently, if they had walked through the second door, their sentence would have been much harsher. 

Stephen was used to going to jail, but he hated it there. You had to be tough and fearless and make the other inmates afraid of you. He did that in every jail. He was an expert fighter and would have killed someone if he had to.

The warden of this large prison was a Christian. There was a punishment room called, “The Hole,” that you were sent to if you caused trouble. Stephen was sent there for fighting in the cafeteria. The warden had a Bible put in each of these cells. That is all that was in the room besides a cot and toilet.

Stephen started reading the Bible and finished reading it the month of his detention. One night, while he was sleeping, he heard God call out his name, “Stephen, Stephen.”

The next day, he was back in population, but had been sent to a part of the prison that had a lot of Christians in it. A Christian said something to him and Stephen came towards him to hit him. He heard the same voice say to him, “Stephen, if you hit him, I will come down on you like a ton of bricks.”  (This is what Stephen would say to people.) Stephen stopped walking towards the man. He was stunned. He turned around and went to his cell and cried, “like a baby,” he said. He was amazed God would speak with him. He gave himself to God that moment.

So, that is the story of a man in our family. He got out of that prison and 40 years later is still a Christian. He had strong faith in God right away. He brought other inmates to Christ. Three of them were baptized when they got out.

Turn to me and be saved,

all you ends of the earth;

for I am God, and there is no other.   Isaiah 45:22

"Come now, and let us reason together," Says the LORD,

"Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be as white as snow;

Though they are red like crimson, they will be like wool.

If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land;

But if you turn away and refuse to listen, you will be devoured by the sword of your enemies.

I, the LORD, have spoken!"      Isaiah 1:18-20

Don't Refuse God's Comfort.

“A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and loud lamentation, Rachel weeping for her children; she refused to be comforted, because they are no more.” 

Matthew 2:18

This verse is also found in Jeremiah. Matthew says it was the fulfillment of a prophecy of when Herod killed the little children in Bethlehem, after hearing of the birth of Jesus, “the king of the Jews.” He wanted to make sure there was no king but him.

The mothers of these children refused to be comforted.

I don’t remember what book I read where the author quoted this and said they could have been comforted by God, but refused.

I’d never thought about what that verse meant, besides a great sorrow. The author said we must allow God to comfort us because if we don’t, sin will follow. I believe he is right.

Right now, in my family, there is a lot of sorrow and grief. My youngest sister’s friend is dying of cervical cancer, my daughter’s mother-in-law is in the hospital with lung cancer, my older sister’s son committed suicide last fall, my grandson is suffering from depression, my mother has colon cancer, my youngest granddaughter has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is in great mental pain, which is giving her mother deep emotional pain.

If we don’t allow God to comfort us and walk through this with us, we will start asking, “Why us?”  “Why me?”  We could become bitter and angry. We could begin to blame and hate God, who has allowed all this to happen and put us in such a terrible world.

Yesterday, when I heard my granddaughter was feeling worse, I felt so burdened and sad. I remembered this verse and told God I wanted his comfort. I needed his comfort. I receive his comfort by prayer, reading the Psalms and remembering what Jesus suffered.

This I know, God has not asked us to go through anything he has not gone through.

“For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.”  2 Corinthians 1:5

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”  Romans 8:17

“But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.”  1 Peter 4:13

“I want to know Christ--yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” 

Philippians 3:10

“…and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.”

2 Corinthians 1:7

Alexander the Great and the Jews.

Photo by Gunnar Bach Pedersen

I have read some of the writings of Josephus Flavius. He lived from AD 37 – 100 AD. Some scholars have not accepted his account of history, but many do. I believe God moved upon him to write about God, Jesus, the Scriptures and the history of the Jews. 

He wrote in both Aramaic and Greek and was writing for the Gentiles who had no knowledge of the Scriptures and Jewish history.

In Part 1, The Antiquities of the Jews, I came upon a chapter that dealt with Alexander the Great and his treatment of the Jews. It was fascinating, and I think many of you would like to know how God spared his people from being killed by Alexander. I will now quote from the book only:

“Now Alexander, when he had taken Gaza, made haste to go up to Jerusalem: and Jaddua the high priest, when he heard that, was in an agony, and under terror, as not knowing how he should meet the Macedonians, since the king was displeased at his foregoing disobedience.

He therefore ordained that the people should make supplications, and should join with him in offering sacrifices to God, whom he besought to protect that nation, and to deliver them from the perils that were coming upon them. Whereupon God warned him in a dream, which came upon him after he had offered sacrifice, that he should take courage and adorn the city, and open the gates; that the rest appear in white garments, but that he and the priests should meet the king in the habits (clothing) proper to their order, without the dread of any ill consequences, which the providence of God would prevent.

Upon this, when he rose from his sleep, he greatly rejoiced and declared to all the warning he had received from God according to which dream he acted entirely, and so waited for the coming of the king.

And when he heard Alexander was not far from the city, he went out in procession, with the priests and the multitude of the citizens. The procession was venerable, and the manner of it different from that of the other nations…The Phonecians and the Chaldeans that followed Alexander thought they would have liberty to plunder the city, and torment the high priest to death, which is the reverse of what happened.

Alexander, when he saw the multitude at a distance, in white garments, while the priests stood clothed with fine linen, and the high priest in purple and scarlet clothing, with his mitre on his head having the golden plate on which the name of God was engraved, he approached them by himself and adored that name, and first saluted the high priest. The Jews also did all together, with one voice, salute Alexander, and encompass him about; whereupon the kings of Syria and the rest were surprised at what Alexander had done, and supposed him disordered in his mind.

However, Parmenlo alone went up to him and asked how it came to pass that when all others adored him, he should adore the high priest of the Jews? He replied, “I did not adore him, but that God who hath honored him with that high priesthood. For I saw this very person in a dream, in this very clothing, when I was at Dios, in Macedonia, when I was considering with myself how I might obtain the dominion of Asia.

He exhorted me to make no delay, but boldly pass over the sea thither, for he would conduct my army, and would give me the dominion over the Persians. So, having seen no other in that clothing and now seeing this person in it, and remembering that vision and the exhortation which I had in my dream, I believe that I bring this army under the divine conduct, and shall therewith conquer Darius, and destroy the power of the Persians, and that all things will succeed according to what is in my own mind.

And when he had said this to Parmenlo, and had given the priest his right hand, the priests ran along beside him as he came into the city. He went into the temple and made a sacrifice to God, according to the hight priest’s directions and magnificently treated both the high priest and the priests. And when the book of Daniel was showed him, wherein Daniel declared that one of the Greeks should destroy the empire of the Persians, he supposed that himself was the person intended. Then he was glad and dismissed the multitude…”

"I love the LORD, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Psalm 116:1

"It is He who changes the times and the epochs; He removes kings and establishes kings; He gives wisdom to wise men And knowledge to men of understanding." Daniel 2:21

Assumptions.

"Disappointment" by Julius LeBlanc Stewart.

When I was in my early 20s, I went to a prayer meeting where the preacher said, “Isn’t it wonderful to be a Christian. We don’t suffer from the ups and downs of emotions like neurotic people.”

I’ll never forget sitting there thinking, “My emotions are up and down. Am I neurotic? Is that what is wrong with me? He is saying it means you aren’t a Christian! Is that right?”

This happened in the 1970s. I would bet most pastors now realize most of their congregation is neurotic in some way or another. Here is the definition from Wikipedia:

Neuroticism is one of the Big Five higher-order personality traits in the study of psychology. Individuals who score high on neuroticism are more likely than average to be moody and to experience such feelings as anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, guilt, depressed mood, and loneliness.^[1] People who are neurotic respond worse to stressors and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. They are often self-conscious and shy, and they may have trouble controlling urges and delaying gratification.

I don’t know, but it sounds like most of us to me.

I confess, I have done what that preacher did: assume. He assumed none of us in the room had those up and down emotions because he didn’t. He assumed all Christians were like him. He assumed Christ had taken care of all that in everyone.

I have assumed things about people. I have often said, “Well, they weren’t real Christians if they could do that!” You know what? That was wrong of me. I was actually saying they had no relationship with God at all. I don’t think I had the right to say that.

Our lives are a journey with God; we learn on this journey. We walk, fall, get up, run, crawl, get up, walk…  The times we fall may be when we are closest to God, who knows? Not you, not me. I am so guilty of the sin of judging people. I’m ashamed of myself and pray I will quit doing it. I know very well there are people who think I am not a Christian because of things I do. 

I hope and pray I can just love people without judging them. Just love them. Let God worry about what they are doing. Let him clean them up and clean me up in his own time. 

In closing, on my last post I mixed up which quotations I was putting together. I left out a really good quote by Thomas a Kempis about feelings that I still want to post. So here it is:

MY SON, trust not to your feelings, for they will quickly be changed into something else. As long as you live you are subject to change, even against your will; so that you are at one time merry, then sad; at one time quiet, then troubled; now devout, then worldly; now diligent, then listless; now grave, and presently light-hearted. 

But he that is wise and well instructed in the spirit stands firm upon these changeable things; not heeding what he feels in himself, or which way the wind of instability blows; but that the whole intention of his mind may tend to the right. 

So, I guess that pastor was wrong. We can have emotions that swing all over the place and still be Christians.