Do You Trust People?

 

Statue de Jésus assis au milieu de deux enfants, en Virginie

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“Now when he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many believed in his name when they saw the signs that he was doing. But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.”  John 2:23-25

Jesus knew better than to trust in man because he knew what their hearts were like. We don’t, and some or most of us tend towards trust. We go to friends and family members for comfort and understanding, and many times we are treated coldly, told of our faults and misunderstood. Sometimes our search for comfort cuts deeper than the scars we already have, leaving us devastated.

We must not let this treatment lead us into despair. We must realize how people are wired. They are not wired to be our therapist. They are not strong enough for us to lean on. They are not wise like Solomon. They are just human beings encumbered by their past, their hang-ups and prejudices.

Lately, I’ve felt really sad and discouraged, mainly because of my fibromyalgia. I’ve been quite sick and weak and I am tired of feeling sick and weak. I’ve been ill for almost 30 years. I’m tired of my mental illness, which I’ve had for the same amount of time. I’m tired of my loneliness, and feelings of inadequacy.

There are other problems I have and I sometimes feel a great need for comfort from someone. But the ones I love so much are going through hard times too, and as I have learned about marriage these years, I cannot expect from people what I feel I need so desperately. I told the Lord, “I know I can only receive true comfort and strength from you. You always come through for me, every time. Help me to stop trying to find this great comfort anywhere else but in your arms.”

Expectations of others is a poison. It can turn your heart from them and they wouldn’t even know why. They are not here to fulfill my needs. They are not here to read my mind and try to make me feel good. My family has had a lot of pain and it’s hard to help each other when we are all so damaged. We are also a happy family. We laugh all the time, but there is in all of us an undercurrent of darkness or a sort of flatness since we lost my two grandsons. It is described in the Bible as having lost the light in one’s eyes.

When Job lost all ten of his children, three of his friends came to console him, but they only made him feel worse. They told him God would not let something like this happen to a man who was a believer. They told him he must have sinned.

Job said, “I have heard many things like these; miserable comforters are you all.

Is there no end to your long-winded speeches?

What provokes you to continue testifying?

I could also speak like you

if you were in my place;

I could heap up words against you

and shake my head at you.

But I would encourage you with my mouth,

and the consolation of my lips would bring relief.”   Job 16:1-5

 

When David was in trouble with King Saul, and his friends turned against him, he wrote,

“For it is not an enemy who insults me;

that I could endure.

It is not a foe who rises against me;

from him I could hide.

But it is you, a man like myself,

my companion and close friend.

We shared sweet fellowship together;

we walked with the crowd into the house of God.”

Psalm 55:12-14

 

These things are very painful and as believers in God we have to deal with these experiences with the love of Jesus. He loved his disciples even when they continually misunderstood him and then deserted him. He didn’t give up on them. He did rebuke them but also forgave them and wanted them to keep following him. He is our perfect example. He will take us by our right hand and lead us forward on the everlasting path to himself.

 

 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”  Matthew 5:3,4

 

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, then we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”  2 Corinthians 1:4         

 

“But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming but also by the comfort with which he was comforted by you, as he told us of your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced still more.”  2 Corinthians 7:6,7

 

“Though You have shown me many troubles and misfortunes,

You will revive me once again.

Even from the depths of the earth

You will bring me back up.

You will increase my honor

and comfort me once again.”   Psalm 71:20,21

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Making the Psalms Personal.

I’ve been going through the Psalms, writing them as if they came from my heart. It’s been a wonderful exercise and I seem to think of the Psalm the rest of the day. Some of them are happy; some are sad. Tonight, I got to the 22^nd Psalm and as I tried to enter into the sufferings of David and Jesus, my own sufferings became vivid. Maybe writing out the Psalms is a good way to get the bad stuff out, like I used to do while in therapy when I wrote my life story in a journal. I hope this helps someone.

Psalm 22:

Why did you let this happen? Where were you? A question I used to ask. No more. I accept what happened. This world is a cesspool of evil. But mental pain brought me to you, the Lover of my soul.

Most of my life, I have felt like a worm, not a human being. Because my father molested me, I felt filthy and unlovable. But you, O Lord, are enthroned in heaven. All power is yours. I believe in you. You were there the day I was born. You took me out of my mother’s womb.

People say, “Why are you still thinking about the abuse? Get over it!” They make fun of me because of my social phobia and agoraphobia. Sometimes when I speak, they say I am crazy. They laugh at me when I gasp in terror when someone calls my name, “BELLE!” I peed in first grade when the teacher called my name. Pee filled the seat of my chair, poured down my legs and shoes and puddled under my desk. What happened next? Memory gone.

In high school, boys surrounded me, trying to feel my breasts, trying to take my bra off. Me? I wanted love and babies. But I was snow-white pure; a virgin head to toe. Then in high school, a boy told everyone he had screwed me. I was easy. He said it loud to a crowd of boys as I was walking by. A lie. They opened their mouths wide against me. My father says it too, “SLUT!” as he throws me against the wall. My heart has turned to wax.

But you Lord, are my strength. I want to tell everyone how you have saved me. You have heard my cry for help! One day, all will kneel before you. My children will worship and praise you!

How to Pray Like David.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Fallaner

I listened to a podcast called, Exploring my Strange Bible, by Tim Mackie the other day. It was about how to pray like the people who wrote the Psalms. He said the Psalms are there for us to learn how to pray. Many times I have prayed with the Psalms, repeating the words as my own prayer. But he wasn’t talking about that. He was teaching us how to pray like the men in the Psalms.

He said a third of the Psalms are about pain and sorrow. They are called “Lament and Protest Psalms.” In these prayers, David and others give a detailed description of what is going on in their lives how they feel about it. They hold no emotion back.

In our western culture, we don’t usually do that. We tend to think God already knows everything so all we usually do is ask for help. We might say, “Oh God, I’m so depressed, help me.” And I know God answers those prayers. But Mackie said that telling God everything helps us in a different way.

He said people do one of two things with their emotions. They either stuff them deep down and perhaps deny them; or they pour out our emotions to other people. Both of these reactions are more harmful than good. When we tell others all our sad, mad feelings, we can make them feel sad and mad.

For me, sharing my sad thoughts with people has not helped. They usually don’t want to hear it, casually brush me off or try to offer solutions that don’t work. I feel alone and misunderstood.

When I push my emotions aside and don’t deal with them, I become very depressed. I feel alone and despairing. Then I go to a counselor and pay them to listen to me. Which does help, but not enough.

The Bible says, “Pour out your heart to God.” Psalm 62:8, Lamentations 2:19. Mackie says after telling God our thoughts and feelings, then make a request. Don’t tell God what to do, just tell him the situation and your feelings about that and believe me, he will know what to do for us and it will be wonderful.

Mackie says we should do the same thing with our doubts about God. If you are doubting his goodness, then tell him that and then request he strengthen your faith.

Many times the Psalmists remind God of what he has done in the past for people. They usually reference the Exodus from Egypt. Reminding God of his past mercies seems a bit strange to me, but I’ve been doing it because it is a part of their prayers. “Remember how you helped Joseph when he was in jail? Help me too.”

Most Psalms end with praising God for all he has done. I think that is a great way to end our prayers. We start out looking inside ourselves at our sorrow and pain, then around us at the chaos in the world, and we are discouraged. But then we lift up our heads and look at God and know he sees and feels it all; and this life, this world, will one day be over and we will be with the amazing God of the universe and so we praise him.

A Dream of Jesus Beside Us.

It feels wonderful to walk beside someone you love.

I had a dream last night. Two men walked up to me and said, “There is someone standing beside you.”  I looked, and said, “Yes, it is Jesus. He is always beside me. You should give your lives to him.” Then I woke up.

Usually, in my dreams, if I am around men, I am afraid and they look at me like they want to have sex. Not this time. I wasn’t afraid and there was no suggestion of sex in the dream. The dream made me happy because I think God is showing me I am learning to trust him. It felt so good to see him standing beside me.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Isaiah 41:13,

“For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

I heard a sermon from the pastor of Creekside Church podcast and he quoted C.S. Lewis from one of the Narnia books called, Prince Caspian. In this scene Lucy hasn’t seen Aslan (Jesus) for awhile.

“Aslan" said Lucy "you're bigger".
"That is because you are older, little one" answered he.
"Not because you are?"
"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”

 The preacher said as we spend more and more time with God, he will seem bigger to us. I have found that to be true. God seems amazingly powerful to me now. I see him as King of the Universe, a mighty and awesome God who stoops down to walk beside me. Me, a weak and sinful person. I feel so thankful for who he is.

 I found some other verses that tell us he is beside us. Here they are:

“My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.” Psalm 63:8

“You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, And Your right hand upholds me; And Your gentleness makes me great.”  Psalm 18:35

“With the LORD beside me as my helper, I will triumph over those who hate me”.  Psalm 118:7

For David says of Him: “I saw the Lord ever before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”  Acts 2:25/Psalm 16:8

Paul wrote, “But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth.”  2 Timothy 4:17

“For He stands at the right hand of the needy, to save him from those who judge his soul.”  Psalm 109:31

Don't Regret the Past.

After writing my last post, where I said I wish I had known spiritual things when I was younger, I felt the Lord did not want me to keep thinking and saying that about my life. There were so many things we need to learn about God and being a Christian. But God doesn’t zap all that knowledge inside us when we are following him. We learn as we live, struggle and experience the good and bad things of life. This is the way he teaches us.

God could have made David a king immediately after Samuel anointed him. But Dave had to flee and hide from King Saul for 20 years. If David had not suffered the loss of all things, even his family and home, we would not have most of the Psalms, which have given wisdom and comfort to millions of people. When I am in distress, I turn to the Psalms. They teach us how to rely on the Lord when we are confused, sad and frightened.

God could have delivered his people from Egypt at the time Moses wanted to do that. But he didn’t, and Moses was spent 40 years living as a shepherd before God called him. Moses must have matured and become patient as he looked after sheep. When God did call him, he felt he wasn’t up to the task, which is what God was waiting for. Moses had become humble, and as the Bible says, “The meekest man on earth.” Now God could use him.

God allowed Joseph to be a slave and then a prisoner before he could use him. Joseph had learned to trust God through two of the worst conditions that can come upon a person. He came to Egypt a spoiled child but grew to be one of the few people in the Bible that records none of his sins. His forgiveness towards his brothers is beautiful to read about.

I feel like God doesn’t want me to regret the past years of my walk with him. There were years when I was angry at him and wouldn’t speak to him. When I turned and came back to him, I could only read one verse in the Bible at a time. Slowly, I could read more and spend more time praying. I was an alcoholic during that time, for 10 years. Yet God didn’t leave me. He was always there hearing my prayers and helping me.

How do we thank a God like that? He stoops low to save us. He, himself, the God of the universe is humble. He will take us as we are. He has great patience to stay with us through all our trials and temptations. There is a song lyric, “I’m confident your faithfulness will see me through.” (Song: Confident, sung by Steffany Gretzinger)  I believe that now for myself. No wonder we will praise God in song through all eternity. 

My Mom is Dying.

My mom got an infection after hip surgery. They didn’t know until she had been sent to a rehabilitation center. In my mind she seemed too sick to do exercises and I was right. We took her home to take care of her ourselves.

The government sent a nurse to our house to evaluate her. They wanted to know if she could exercise and teach me how to take care of her. The nurse was lovely. She met the family and then went into Mom’s room and talked with her and me.

She could see Mom was too weak and sick to do any exercises. She explained how much easier it would be for me to take care of mother if we had a hospital bed. She said the Red Cross loaned them for no cost for 6 – 9 months. After that we have to buy our own. So, we ordered one from the Red Cross. We also are able to have two nurse’s aides come and give mother a bath once a week and take care of her for three hours while my husband and I go out. The cost is covered by the government.

Mom’s infection was cured; now she is just tired and wants to sleep day and night. She isn’t eating anything, but drinks water, Boost and orange juice. I have read that when we are dying, we no longer have an appetite. This is our body helping us die peacefully.

My husband, daughters and granddaughters have been helping me. Mom is restless and wants to turn over in bed often. Actually this is good for her because of bed sores. I would have to move her every two hours anyway. When she had the infection she wanted to be turned about every 15 minutes. That was extremely tiring. My husband and I took turns so we could sleep.

I bought a book called, “Meditating on the Psalms,” by John Eaton. I’ve been enjoying it very much. He writes about “alphabetic” or “ acrostic” Psalms. The poet begins the song with the A of their alphabet and each line begins with the next letter. I thought I would try to write one myself. Here it is:

All the Lord does is beautiful.

Beautiful in love, wisdom and mercy.

Call upon the Lord, and he will hear you.

Depend on his saving grace.

Everything that breathes, the Lord has made.

From the ant to the whale, God made us all.

He reigns in the heavens.

In his throne room he rules over all.

Justice and righteousness are the foundation of his throne.

Keep your eyes, heart and mind upon the Lord.

Look on him who is perfect.

Many are his marvelous words and works.

Never lean upon man; lean upon God.

Open your heart to him.

Pour out your thoughts and sorrows.

Quietly, he will strengthen you.

Rest in his everlasting love.

Surely, he will save your soul.

Tenderly he will lead you.

Under the shadow of his wings you will find refuge.

Vast are his thoughts towards you.

Why should we worry or be troubled?

eXalt his name in all the earth.

Your heart he will fill with peace and love.

Zion is his habitation and from there he will reign over us.

Sometimes I Don't Know What to Say.

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words."

Romans 8:26

Have you ever had trouble praying? I have. Especially when I am really upset about something; when I'm in pain for a loved one. Those are the hard times. "Oh God, help them; help me," is what comes to mind at first. And actually, it is enough. He will do both those things for us.

But when it is daily scheduled (first thing in the morning) prayer time, it can be hard to think of what to say. Years ago, when my mind couldn't seem to stay still,  I wrote out my prayers in notebooks. This helped me stay focused. What I do quite often now is "pray the Bible" which means to use prayers from the Bible that have the ideas you want to convey to God, but can't find the words.

Psalms is a book of prayers. There are some that don't relate to my life; but almost all of them do. I sometimes copy them down and read them to God in the morning. Joyce Meyer says to begin our prayers with praise and thanks. I think this is good advice. Doing this brings our minds off ourselves and onto God and his power.

Sometimes I say the Lord's Prayer out loud. Sometimes I copy Paul's prayers for the church and pray them for me and all the people in my family and friends who are written in a Prayer Book and for all the people I know at Facebook, on blogs and online. This gives me great joy, to pray for all these people. I don't always read off their names, there are so many, but God knows who they are.

Joyce always says, "Believe God is working." This I believe. Every prayer is heard; every prayer is answered. Prayer is when God has an open channel to our hearts and is sometimes the time he uses to speak directly to us. In prayer we are saying to the universe, "I need God in my life. I want God in my life."

Here are some prayers I copied the other night that say what I feel in my heart.

 Blessed be the Lord who daily bears us up.

Blessed are those whose strength is in you.

Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.

In the day of my trouble I call upon you, for you answer me.

Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.

I give thanks to you, O Lord, my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me. You have delivered my soul from the depths of hell.

You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.