The Broken Parts of Our Lives.

 

Painting by Belle Unruh

The Broken Parts of Our Lives.

When I look back on the events in my life that broke my heart, I can see how grief has changed me. The pain in other people’s lives made me want to listen to and help them. My own pain taught me lessons, like how a parent feels when a child rebels and enters into a self-destructive life, and how one feels when someone they love has died. I understand the pain of divorce and mental illness. My heart goes out to those who are suffering and has led me to donate to charities.

Having gone through poverty and a few months of homelessness, I look with pity on people who wander the streets and go through garbage cans. I have a deep desire to give to the poor. Without my own suffering, I probably would have gone on as I did when I was young, happy and carefree, not giving a thought to those who are hurting.

I have seen images of broken pottery being compared to our lives and the caption is usually something like this: “God shines best through our broken spaces.” I decided to paint this image. When I sent a photo of my painting to a friend, he wrote a letter back and told me his story of a broken urn. I want to share this with everyone.

“Around 20 years ago, my wife’s brother was helping us carry items into the house from the cargo bay of our SUV. We had been shopping at a Target Store and had purchased a very large painted ceramic urn that we wanted to use as a decorative indoor accent. We had a hand truck (dolly), but her brother, being a macho man, insisted that he could bear hug the urn and carry it in by himself. We reluctantly agreed to let him do it.  He was 10 feet from where we wanted the urn positioned when he lost his grip and it fell to the floor and shattered.  At first, we thought the urn was a total loss, but it was so expensive that my wife wanted to see if she could salvage it.   Fortunately, most of the pieces were large, enabling her to "work the jigsaw puzzle" and glue them back together. When she finished, we were amazed at the result.

The urn wound up having more character and looking more interesting and beautiful than it was before it was broken. It was "perfectly imperfect." The glue bulged from the cracks a little and turned a tan color, making it appear that the urn was draped in rope.  We have had the urn proudly displayed in our family room ever since with an artificial palm tree inside it. It is a conversation starter. Visitors notice it immediately and remark how lovely it is. They don't believe it when we tell them how it "came together" by accident.”

I believe God allows pain in our lives to make us into better people. Unfortunately, we don’t learn much from a wonderful day at Disneyland. I know death, pain and suffering are a result of sin and come from Satan and everyone shares in that pain. We were given no choice to be born into a fallen world, but God gives us each a chance to follow him. If we do, instead of anger and bitterness at our lot, learning of God’s love for us and the world will melt our hearts and we can learn good from evil.  God’s rescue plan is vast, he has many ways of reaching out to us, and not all of them involve pain. In fact, it was the birth of my first daughter that made me turn my face towards God. I wanted to be a good mother and knew I couldn’t do it without him.

There is a wonderful chapter in the Book of Psalms. It shows in detail how God draws people to himself. I hope you will take the time to read it. Each example of people in terrible trouble ends in praise to God. I’ve shortened the chapter:

Psalm 107

Some wandered in desert wastes,
finding no way to a city to dwell in;
hungry and thirsty,
their soul fainted within them.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way
till they reached a city to dwell in.

Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death,
prisoners in affliction and in irons,
for they had rebelled against the words of God,
and spurned the counsel of the Most High.
So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor;
they fell down, with none to help.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
and burst their bonds apart.

Some were fools through their sinful ways,
and because of their iniquities suffered affliction;
they loathed any kind of food,
and they drew near to the gates of death.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them,
and delivered them from their destruction.

Some went down to the sea in ships,
doing business on the great waters;
they saw the deeds of the LORD,
his wondrous works in the deep.
For he commanded and raised the stormy wind,
which lifted up the waves of the sea.
They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths;
their courage melted away in their evil plight;
they reeled and staggered like drunken men
and were at their wits’ end.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still,
and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet,
and he brought them to their desired haven.

Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving,
and tell of his deeds in songs of joy!

What to Say to Those in Pain.

When reading about what to say to people when they are suffering, I would say the most common advice given is to just listen. Don’t give advice, don’t quote scripture and don’t say it was God’s will.

I agree with this, up to a point. The day after a loved one dies is not the time to do a lot of talking. It is best to listen and say how sorry you are this happened and you are sorry for their pain. Later on, if the person asks you for help you could tell them how God helped you in a similar situation or perhaps give them a book that helped you.

Some people are even offended if a person says to them, “I am praying for you.” I think they are being too touchy if this offends them. It is a great privilege to be prayed over by a believer. It opens heaven’s doors to do more and more for you. (In my opinion.) It is so easy to offend people when it is the last thing you ever want to do. (I have hurt people’s feelings on Instagram and I didn’t want to do that at all.)

But I have learned a lot from other Christians giving me advice and quoting scripture. Joyce Meyer gives tons of solid advice on what to do with sad and negative feelings. Praying, reading the Bible (especially the Psalms) and listening to Joyce’s advice has finally helped me see I can fight depression and win. I didn’t think it was possible before I watched her program.

I’ve written about this in other posts, so I won’t go into detail on what Joyce says; but I was thinking about what God has said to those going through a hard time. I don’t think people would necessarily agree with God.

Job suffered the loss of all he owned and all of his 10 children. When his friends came to visit him, they said nothing for 7 days. They just sat with him. I’m sure this was comforting to Job, but silence can’t last forever.

Now when they did finally speak, they said all the wrong things. In fact, they blamed Job himself for his troubles. They said he must have some secret sin and God was punishing him. My advice is to never say this to anyone. Let the Holy Spirit do the job of convicting of sin.

So finally, God shows up. Did he say comforting words? No! He basically said that Job had no right to question why God did what he did. He was the creator and God of the whole universe. He was wise and knew what he was doing.

When Jeremiah was crying and complaining to God about his miserable life (and it was very miserable), God said, “If you can’t keep up with the foot soldiers; how can you run with the horsemen?” In other words, things were going to get worse so you better man-up!

What did Jesus say to people who were sad? He said, “Don’t cry,” to a woman who lost her son and then raised him from the dead. He said, “Don’t be afraid,” quite a few times. When the disciples were terrified of drowning in a storm on a lake he said, “Why were you afraid; where is your faith?

When the disciples were sad about Jesus saying he was going away, he said, “Let not your heart be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in me.” Then he told them he would prepare homes for them in heaven and would return.

When Martha and Mary told Jesus their brother would not have died if he had been there, Jesus said, “Your brother will rise again.” I think people today would not like what God and Jesus said to people when they were suffering.

A few years ago, I was suicidal and took some pills. I survived, but wasn’t too happy about it. The next day I lay in bed and said to God, “Please get me out of here!” God spoke to my heart and said, “I could do that. But what if I told you that if you, live you will be a help to people.” I thought about it and said, “Okay, although I don’t see who I could ever help anyone.” Then he said, “You have need of endurance,” which is somewhere in the Bible. “Endurance!” I said. Who cares about endurance?”

But I kept that word in my heart, even though I didn’t care about it myself. I figured if God cared about it then I should care. Eventually, I began praying for endurance. Now that word pops off the page when I see it in the Bible. Yes, I can see I don’t have endurance. I want everything to be done and over and be in heaven with Jesus. I don’t want to suffer again as long as I live. I don’t want to go to one more funeral.

But I also remember how God was my comfort at those funerals. His grace was ample. His comfort overwhelmed me each time. Knowing this helps me to endure; and praying about endurance gives me hope he will give it to me when the time comes that I need it.

I do think we should be careful what we say to people. All the time. But we all make mistakes; none of us is perfect. I think we need to be forgiving of others if we think they said the wrong thing to us. We should not be touchy and quick to judge. We shouldn’t never go around telling people what so-and-so said. I’ve been guilty of that. My mother used to tell me, “It is hard for me to take offense. I always think they didn’t really mean what they said.” She gave grace to the person and I like that.

What God Did for My Family in 2018.

I hope all of you had a lovely Christmas. I know many people don’t because of a loss of some kind. I pray God will comfort you in that loss. He walks beside you.

I was thinking of the past year and what God has done for me and my family. Just being with us and living in us is the best thing. But there were times when the Lord stepped in to specifically help us.

My grandson Jordan has gotten off heroin completely. His mental and physical heath is much better. I asked if I could text him verses from the Bible and he said yes. I try to remember to send them every day. He is very interested in the Old Testament stories.

I went to an ophthalmologist to get new glasses and told him how God seemed to have stopped me from getting my cataracts removed. He told me it is a good thing I didn’t get the operation and I should never get it done, since I had an allergy to eye antibiotics 10 years ago. He said I couldn’t get tested for the allergy because a minute amount could kill me. So, I think I would have died last summer if God had not stopped the operation for me by not letting me get the antibiotics in time and also getting sick as soon as I entered the hospital. I’m very grateful, because my mom and husband need me right now.

Speaking of my mother, she was diagnosed with colon cancer a year ago. They told me to not let her eat anything with a lot of fiber. She was exhausted when she came home from the rehab facility. Unlike rehab, I let her sleep as much as she wanted. She sometimes slept 12-16 hours, got up for 2 hours and went back to bed. Well, she did slowly heal from her broken hip operation. Her ability to read came back too. It has been truly wonderful. I have read people can live with colon cancer for up to 10 years, so we are hoping this will happen for her. I am very thankful God let me have my mom back, even if it is just for awhile.

One of my granddaughters had to break up with a boyfriend and she felt so awful about it. I told her I would pray for her and him. The break-up went very well. It was painful for him, but there was no anger or fighting.

Almost everyone in my family came to visit this year. We had such a beautiful time together. I keep thanking God over and over for this. I will always remember this Christmas.

The Black Cloud of Depression.

I thought I’d revisit the topic of depression, since I am so closely acquainted with it. I’d been feeling happy for many months, then depression hit again. Every morning. Again. I knew it might be caused by my youngest daughter and my granddaughter leaving to live in Canmore. But I didn’t see why this sadness was lasting so long.

After a few weeks of this, I asked God about it. Before this, I had just been asking for help and quoting Scripture. That wasn’t working this time. I realized when I asked God why this was happening and why nothing was working, I should have asked him many days ago. Because God always answers my questions. Sometimes he answers right away; sometimes in days. So, I waited for an answer and kept my eyes open.

I believe I got an answer the next day. The answer came through Christian books I was reading, podcasts by Annie F. Downs, and Joyce Meyer on TV. She was the one who showed me how important it is to quote Scripture out loud. There is power in that. Evil spirits don’t stay around when the Word of God is quoted.

That morning, Joyce was speaking about depression. This is what I learned.

1. Believe God loves me. Not an easy one for me, although it is getting easier.

2. Write in a notebook every time God does something for me, be grateful and thank Him. I do thank him many times, but not daily and I don’t write it down. I thought of all the things he has done lately for my family, really important things, and felt better.

3. Believe God is working. Now I’d heard this from Joyce a few years ago and it changed the way I felt about my family. I used to worry about them and I would say this to myself, I did believe it and this brought peace. But I never used this phrase to help myself – to really believe God was working for me every day. To believe that actually helps me believe he loves me.

4. Don’t get discouraged because you have to learn and remember spiritual truths over and over. This is a big one for me, and it was by listening to interviews on Annie F. Downs’ podcast where I found a lot of Christians have found this to be true in their lives. I used to wonder, when I would learn something new that helped me, why didn’t it stick with me? Why would I keep forgetting? Why was I so dense?

Apparently, I’m not alone in this. And I suppose that is why we must read Scripture every day. God’s ways are so much higher and so different from our ways, it takes a lifetime to learn them. And I am thankful God is super patient.

 Thus, after a full day of searching for God’s answer, I believe I have found it in these four ways of living and thinking. I don’t feel depressed today, I feel blessed. Not that I am supposed to rely on my feelings, but it is truly lovely not to feel a dark cloud circling my head.

God Inside Our Grief.

Yesterday morning, I was thinking about my grandson, Criag, who died 6 years ago at age 21. We all think of him around this time of year. October is Thanksgiving in Canada. Craig loved Thanksgiving, because he loved turkey. He once asked his mom why they didn’t make all turkeys to be dark meat. We would play games after a terrific meal, and he loved games. His favorite was Gestures. We had to act things out, like Charades, and we would all be laughing long and loud.

November 20^th is Craig’s birthday. His mom went and stayed with his brother, Jordan, for the weekend. Jordan misses Craig terribly. They were inseparable as they grew up. Jordan was like a puppy following Craig around, doing everything he did. They loved scooters, hockey, swimming, bike tricks, paint ball and skate boarding.

I was thinking of Craig yesterday morning. Usually, when I think of him, I am okay. I think of how I will see him in heaven. But yesterday, I just felt pain at the thought of his death – pain in my heart and soul. I said to God, “Oh Lord, pour your peace over my pain.”  Immediately, I felt the pain leave and had peace. My body felt relaxed and I was thankful.

These verses from the Bible, which I read last night before going to sleep, describe what God does for me and for those who ask him.

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.”     Psalm 34:17-19

“I sought the Lord, and he heard me and delivered me from all my fears. They looked to him and were radiant; their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried out and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear him and delivers them.”  Psalm 34:4-7

Pictures of Craig and Jordan.

Coping with Fibromyalgia.

(I have to update this post since I forgot to write about what pills I take to help me feel stronger. Once, when I had a bad cold, I took a cold medicine and noticed it also helped my fibromyalgia. I began to take one every day and yes, it helped a lot to give me strength in place of exhaustion. Then I found out about my allergies, so now I take Benedryl Total Extra Strength. I take one in the morning and one in the evening. I can feel the benefits within 1/2 hour. I also take Vit B12, because it works to take the numbness from my legs. I'm also on an anti-depressant, which they say is supposed to help.)

I got fibromyalgia when I was 45 years old; I am now 66.  I was in a car crash and got whiplash. The first time I noticed my body was different was when I went to pick strawberries in an open field. I grabbed a bucket, bent down and began to pick. The pain through my body was terrible. I couldn't stay bent for more than a few seconds. It was also painful to try to stand up. I had to take back the bucket and leave.

I started to have pain in my neck, shoulders, arms and legs. The pain would be in one area and then jump to another area. I started feeling exhausted all the time.

Then I noticed my legs and feet would swell up. I would wake up with my hands bent like claws and have to push my fingers outward. I couldn't open them up by themselves. I went to the doctor and he suspected MS, which is pretty scary. It wasn't MS, it was fibromyalgia. Nothing to do but take ibuprophen, he said.

I did that, but then I went to a naturopath. I especially wanted her to do something about my swollen legs. She told me about a book called, "Eat Right for Your Blood Type, by Dr. Peter J. D' Adamo. She said I could be sensitive to food. I bought it and read it. As soon as I started following the diet I felt better. Also, I had to give up Diet Coke. Drinking no Diet Coke stopped my legs from being so swollen, but my legs would still go numb and so would my toes. If I ate one thing not on the diet, I got sick.

I followed that diet for years, especially not eating any bread except Spelt bread. Then I decided to try acupuncture. The treatments really helped my legs and feet; I didn't have any more trouble with them swelling any longer. Then I read about NAET:

https://www.naet-canada.com/

NAET® was discovered by Dr. Devi S. Nambudripad’s in November 1983. NAET® is an innovative, non-invasive, drug free, natural solution that may alleviate sensitivities of all types and intensities. NAET® utilizes a blend of selected energy balancing, testing, and treatment procedures from acupuncture/acupressure, allopathic, chiropractic, nutritional, and kinesiological disciplines of medicine.

One sensitivity is treated at a time with NAET®. If you are not severely immune deficient, you may need just one session for a sensitivity. A person with mild to moderate amount of sensitivities may take about 15-20 office visits to desensitize 15-20 food and environmental substances.

I couldn't afford the treatments, so my sister paid for a lot of them. They were working, but the cost was just too high and I stopped going. However, I did understand what they were doing. They found out what foods I was sensitive to and I would hold a vial with its essence in it while they did the acupuncture.

When I went back to my acupuncturist, I took food with me that made me sick. One was cheese and one was soda pop since I missed it so much. I wish I hadn't done the pop. Lol  Anyway, I could eat those foods and still can all these years later. The treatments really do work.

About 2 years ago, my sister was reading online how all food has histamines in them. We both started a low-histamine diet. Both of us got better within a few weeks. So, that's what I'm doing now. I've been thinking about going back to NAET because it was working so well. I think we are covered for a lot of sessions by my husband's work. I'm just tired of the whole thing and feel tolerably well, so I don't want to bother.

I hope this helps some people who have fibromyalgis. It is a horrible affliction when you don't know how to  get better. Doctors just give pills, but there are healthier ways to feel better. Most of the time I am not in pain. I am tired a lot. If I do too much work at one time, I am exhausted. But I'm still much better than I was.

I'm going to give you a list of foods that make my fibromyalgia worsen:

Diet anything. No aspartame, no artificial sweetener at all.
Berries
Fruit juices/Smoothies
Anything with yeast in it, especially any bread.
I do eat thin crust pizza. I get tired, but not pain.
I can have things like perogies made with flour but no yeast.
Chocolate. I know, I know. It is very sad. It is one of my worst triggers.
Vinegar
Spices - any kind.
Too much salt.
Additives and preservatives.
Packaged food.
Eat only Delicious Apples
Anything pickled.
Any kind of tea. Absolutely awful for me. They are made from leaves. High in histamines.

Even though nuts are high in histamines, they don't seem to bother me if they are roasted. I can eat peanut butter too.

Well, everyone's body is different. My set of triggers may not be your set. It is very easy to find out what foods you are sensitive to. Any naturopath can test you for this in one visit. If you don't have enough money to go, then you can hold the food in both your hands, close your eyes and see if you begin to fall forward, backward or stay upright easily. The foods that push you backwards are the foods to avoid.