Do You Find Being Christian A Burden?

 

Photo by: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Kafziel

I used to find being a Christian was a heavy burden. When I was first a Christian, I was afraid of God and his anger. I was raised in a strict, fundamental church. I thought I should strive to be perfect. Of course, I couldn’t become perfect so I was in despair.

I learned from a traveling preacher that this isn’t what God wants from us. No one is perfect but him. I learned that if we could become perfect, Jesus needn’t have died for us. He covers us with his perfection. This was a great relief to me, but sometimes when I sin I can still feel pretty discouraged. There are so many ways to goof up and choose wrong things.

I often remember Jesus said, “My burden is light.” And when asked what the most important commandment was he answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

 In Micah 6:8 it says, “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?  Micah 6:8  This is not a burden, it is a privilege.

 I’ve been listening to songs sung by Danny Gorky. He has such a strong, beautiful voice and the songs he sings are uplifting. One of them speaks to this subject. It is called, Love God Love People. I thought I’d print the lyrics here because I think they are true. I’ve shortened the length a bit.

Love God, Love People:

I've been running in circles
Jumping the hurdles
Getting caught in that rush of doing so much
I'm feeling kinda worn out.

 All this checking the boxes

Trying to be flawless
Has me spinning my head, catching my breath
Too afraid to slow down

 I tell myself to keep this up                                                                                           That God wants more than just my love                                                                         But I've been complicating things                                                                                     It's just like me to overthink

 Gotta keep it real simple, keep it real simple                                                                      Bring everything right back to ground zero                                                                'Cause it all comes down to this                                                                                       Love God and love people.

We're living in a world that keeps breakin'
But if we want to find a way to change it
It all comes down to this
Love God and love people

 Oh, this is freedom

The keys to the Kingdom
Knowing life will be found when love can be loud
'Cause love is what it's all about

 I tell myself to keep this up

That all God wants is just my love
No more complicating things
No more need to overthink

 Gotta keep it real simple, keep it real simple

Bring everything right back to ground zero
'Cause it all comes down to this
Love God and love people

We're living in a world that keeps breakin'
But if we want to find a way to change it
It all comes down to this
Love God and love people

 Love is patient, love is kind

Rescues hearts and changes lives
Love is all we need to make things right

Gotta keep it real simple, oh
It's really so simple,

Gotta keep it real simple, keep it real simple
Bring everything right back to ground zero
'Cause it all comes down to this
Love God and love people

 

We're living in a world that keeps breakin'

But if we want to find a way to change it

It all comes down to this

Love God and love people

 Songwriters: Ben Glover, Danny Gokey, Jeff Sojka, Colby Wedgeworth, Riley Clemmons. For non-commercial use only.

 

 

 

Hills and Valleys.

Mt. Carmel: Wikipedia

I listen to Annie F. Downs who has a podcast called, “That’s Sounds Fun.” I listen to her on Spotify which also has a huge library of music. Sometimes Annie has musicians on her show. When she does, I go listen to some of their songs. I’ve found many beautiful Christian music this way. Listening to songs about God makes my heart soar, and there are always good lessons in the lyrics.

One song I found recently is called, “Hills and Valleys,” sung by Tauren Wells.  It is my favorite song right now. What I find in Christian music is that I can put myself in the lyrics or I think of the people from the Bible. “Hills and Valleys” speaks to the fact we all go through highs and lows in our spiritual lives. I wish I had known that as a young Christian because then I might not have been so despairing in my low times. I thought I was a bad Christian and I just didn’t know how to live the life and have faith like other Christians.

When I first heard this song, I imagined myself on hills and going through valleys. But I’m afraid my hills aren’t very inspiring. With my psychological makeup I have been mostly slogging through valleys. So, I thought about people in the Bible. First there is Moses. He was on the mountaintop with God. He spoke face to face with God. He was given the tablets of the Ten Commandments written with God’s own finger. But then there were his valleys. He spent 40 years travelling around the desert with a bunch of people that kept complaining until he finally lost his temper and God did not appreciate it. Still, like the song says, he kept his eyes on God. He didn’t turn away. And he was a humble man He knew he didn’t get to that mountaintop on his own. It was God who made him what he was, a great man of faith, and when he was in the valley, God himself buried him.

Then there is Elijah. He was on the mountaintop with God on Mt. Carmel. He prayed and fire came down from heaven to prove God was God of the whole world and there was none other. Like the song says, he didn’t get there on his own, but that same day, Elijah became afraid and ran away from Queen Jezebel. He didn’t ask God what to do, he just ran for his life. He was in a valley. He ran for miles and miles and even told God he wanted to die. He was discouraged, but he kept his eyes on God. He ran, but he didn’t run from God and God sent an angel to help him.

Jesus. He was on a few mountaintops. He gave the Sermon on the Mount. He climbed a mountain with Peter, James and John. As he was praying, Moses and Elijah came down from heaven to talk with him about his death. He was transfigured there and became bright as the sun. But very soon after that he walked through the Kidron Valley to the Mt. of Olives, there to go through his greatest suffering. When Jesus was on mountaintops, he didn’t get there on his own either. His Father was with him. He said he did nothing without the Father. And through his valley, he kept praying and keeping his eyes on his Father who sent an angel to strengthen him.

In each of these stories, God took each one to heaven after they had gone through a valley. So, don’t be discouraged if you are going through a valley right now. One day, either here or in heaven, you will be standing on a mountaintop with God.

My Life with God in My 40's.

My grandsons and granddaughters. Taken around 9 years ago.

I must warn those who keep reading that this story is about sexual child abuse.

My forties were half wonderful, half crazy painful. When my daughters got married and left home, I fell into a depression. I had lived for my children and my life and  home felt empty. I went to a psychologist and he suggested I go to university and work towards a career. I liked that idea, so I did go and enjoyed it immensely. However, something happened that made it impossible to keep going and get a degree.

When I was 46, I went to stay with my father when my mother went to Florida to visit my sister. My father had been dizzy and falling, so I went over to make sure he would be okay. That night, alone with him in the house, he knocked on the bathroom door while I was in there getting ready for bed. All of a sudden, I became terrified. I thought he was going to rape me. I ran out and went in the bedroom I was to sleep in and tried to lock the door, but I couldn't. I went to bed very frightened of him. The next morning I went home as soon as I woke up.

I shook all this off and decided I was just imagining things. Then I started having dreams. Dreams of him chasing me, harming me, abusing me. I told my sisters what had happened. They told me secrets they had kept all their lives. My older sister said our father's brother had touched her sexually. My youngest sister said the same uncle had also molested her. I was shocked and horrified. I decided to go to my psychologist and talk with him about it.

He was skeptical at first, but after a few visits trying to sort things out, if it was my father or someone else, he concluded I had been molested by him. He wanted to use a therapy where they tap your hand while talking; it was supposed to bring the memories back clearly. I didn't want that. I felt if God had made me forget the details, then I didn't want to go around God and find out more than my mind could take.

Well, from then on I have had mental problems, breakdowns and dissociation, which is when you kind of stop being an adult and  you become the child again. It is kind of spooky. I don't realize it is happening when it happens, I just start crying like a little child or run around in a panic.

I would have to write a book to describe what all that is like, and I have no plans to do that. I went to a few more psychologists and was an outpatient one time when I was hearing things. I am much better now, my biggest problem is social phobia and not wanting to drive or leave the house. But since I'm 67, I've decided not to fight that and just stay home for the most part. I really enjoy my life at home.

God was with me through all of this. He gave me a few beautiful dreams where he was right beside me. In the first dream, he looked at me with sorrow for what I was going through. 

The second dream was amazing. I was in church and saw my father there. I said to him, "You can't hurt me anymore. God's angels are with me."  Then I turned and left the church. I was surrounded by many angels. We walked outside to a field and sat on the grass and sang a beautiful song to God. I looked up and saw a hill with three crosses on top. Suddenly, roses began growing and climbing up the middle cross until it was covered in pink roses. I stood up, and as I did I saw Jesus himself coming into view over the hill. I ran to him crying and flung myself into his arms. He was smiling and held me close.

The third dream was of Jesus and I riding beautiful, black horses. We were riding fast through a field. Jesus and I were laughing and enjoying the experience. All of a sudden, the horses grew beautiful, large, black wings and we rose into the sky and up to the stars. I knew we were going to heaven.

The wonderful part of my 40's was when my grandchildren came into the world. I feel the best gift God has given me personally is my children and grandchildren.

God has shown me through the years to quote Scripture when I get depressed or have nightmares. No matter how bad I feel in the morning, or how bad I feel about my mother's illness, I quote Scripture. I ask God for strength of mind and spirit. I thank him for being here with me and walking with me through life. My mind is transformed; I actually feel great peace and happiness. He is an amazing God. He is the strength of my life and my portion forever.

Short Bio of My Late 20's. How God Helped Me in Spite of Me.

…If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”    Romans 10:9-11

My last post was the beginning of a short bio of my life and how God has helped me through everything. It is also about how people change, how my conception of God has changed over the years. In fact, it is still changing.

Late 20s:   After my divorce, I was very lonely. I went to church each week, but there were no single there. After three years, I met a man through my job. He was the best friend of one of my co-workers. We started dating and I liked him a lot. He was fun,  seemed kind and really liked my daughters. He started going to church with us.

One day, I asked God if it was okay if I married this man. I knew he had already bought a ring and was planning on asking me. The Lord spoke to me, which I did not expect, and quoted a verse that was in the Bible, “What agreement does Satan have with God?”

So, God was saying my boyfriend was an unbeliever and would stay that way. I was rebellious and kept dating him. I was so afraid of being alone again, and I hadn’t yet learned to trust God. But a few things happened that showed me the man was indeed evil. One of those things had to do with my oldest daughter. He didn’t do anything, but he said something about her that was sexual. I broke up with him immediately.

I told God then that I would quit looking and hoping for a man. I decided not to date again. The next day my cousin, Bonnie, called. She asked me to go to a Bible study with her. I went and enjoyed it very much. Afterwards, we went to have coffee with two of her friends, two Christian men.

We had a good chat and I got up to leave. I didn’t think I would ever see those guys again. But as I was leaving, one of them asked me what I was doing the next day, a Sunday. I told him my mom and dad had a table at a flea market and I was going to help them. He asked where it was and I told him. I was clueless that he wanted to see me.

He came to the flea market and spent the day with me. Then he asked me to go to a church songfest with him and I said okay. We started dating and he was a total gentleman, which I wasn’t used to. We eventually married and are still married 40 years later. 

The Lord gave me a Christian husband when I was least expecting one and when I had given up trying myself! I have since learned that God is like that. He wants us to rely on him completely and not on ourselves. He waits till we try all our various ways of making things happen and when we turn to him in defeat, well, that’s when he works. It is better if we just go to God first, telling him we accept whatever he wants for us; it saves a considerable amount of time.

Just before I met my husband, a new preacher came to our church and taught us all about having righteousness by faith alone. After learning this, I was no longer afraid God would kill me for the least infraction. I had my first inkling that God might actually loved me. 

My new husband, who had only recently become a Christian and had never gone to church before, kept teaching me this. He had a strong faith in God, he still does, and I also learned from him about feelings. The first night I met him I said, “I don’t feel like God loves me.”  He said, “Well, it’s a good thing we don’t rely on our feelings, isn’t it?”  I was stunned at this thought. I think I had always been guided by my feelings. It still took many years for me to get over doing this, but that night I did believe what he said. As far as my relationship with God went, I quit relying on my feelings.

So during these years, the Lord kept me from marrying the wrong man, in spite of my rebellion. He gave me a Christian husband who helped me spiritually and I learned we are saved by God’s grace alone, not by anything we've done.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”  

 Ephesians 2:8,9

God is Always with Us.

I am the little girl on the right. Left of me is my older sister. Behind me stands my mother and to her right is her best friend.

"O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. 

And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, Until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to all who are to come."   Psalm 71:17,18

Because I am 67, and been a Christian since I was 19, I sometimes think of all God has done for me through the years and I thought it might encourage someone who reads this post.

As a little child: My parents took us to church each week. There, I learned there is a God.I learned that God sees everything we do, that he made the earth and everything on it. This has helped me all my life, because I see many people think God doesn’t hear them. I know he always hears everyone. I know he is there for me whenever I need him.

A teenager: God did not let me die as a teen. It could have happened many times while driving drunk or being in the car with drunk drivers. I remember one time I was driving a bunch of my friends down a mountain. It started to snow and became very cold. I had never driven in that kind of weather. We were in California, and had gone to Big Bear Lake. We had gone to a cabin, smoked pot and drank that day.

As I came along a curve, I could feel the car moving towards the oncoming lane. I braked, but kept sliding. We started heading toward the edge of the road and the cliff. There were no guardrails. We were going to go over the edge; I had no control of the car whatsoever.

But the car moved back into my lane. I believe it was a miracle, and I thank God for it. I can still see myself that day in the car, terrified at what was going to happen.

My 20s:  After I gave myself to the Lord, I was happy and excited. I had no idea how little I knew about him. Because the church I had been raised in stressed keeping the Commandments and never sinning, I eventually became afraid. When I would sin or just make a mistake, I figured God would send lightening and kill me. I couldn’t believe God could love a person like me.

When your belief in God is like this, you become judgemental because you also think all other Christians should be perfect and never sin or make mistakes. Well, that is not reality, so I became critical of people.

I was married at this time to a non-believer. He was angry I became a Christian. I have to admit, I don’t blame him since he married a girl who loved parties and drinking. Now he had this self-righteous person on his hands. I refused to go to parties and I quit drinking.

Eventually, we separated and were divorced. I was devastated, because I loved him so much. He and his mother tried to talk me into giving up being a Christian because it was ruining our marriage. I remember his mother asking, “Why do you want to be a Christian?” I looked at her like she was crazy, “Because I want eternal life.”  

I could not understand how anyone would not want that. I could not understand these people who were not afraid to die unsaved.

I didn’t know God in the right way, so I didn’t answer, “Because I love God.” I didn’t love God, I was afraid of him. But I wanted my daughters and myself to live in heaven together forever. I wouldn’t give up the dream of that for anything.

Well, I was going to write about my whole life in one post. Lol  Yeah, that’s not going to happen. So, I will close with this thought, God was with me during this terrible time of my family breaking apart and seeing my husband fall in love with another woman. It was painful, but God was with me.

Good Day/Bad Day

Last night, as I lay in bed, I said to God, "Thanks for such a great day." Then I stopped. It hadn't actually been a great day as far as events in my life. Some truly negative things were going on in my family and that day had been especially stressful. But as the day wound down, I didn't feel the stress in my heart like I used to. I didn't feel like crying. What a difference! All because I finally understand God loves me just as I am and I love him, so every day is wonderful because it is a day with him.

I have this thing called Joy in my heart now. I used to read about it and want it but I never found it until recently. I couldn't understand how anyone could feel joyful in this horrible world or joyful when they, or someone they loved, were suffering. I finally know. It only took me 45 years! Lol  Well, I had a lot to get over and a lot to learn.

It feels weird not to be worried about family members who are sick. I almost feel like that is betraying them. How dare I have a good day when they are suffering! How dare I have a moment's happiness when they are sad! I actually feel guilty. But, as Joyce Meyers says, we cannot let our feelings rule us. We must live by the word of God and what is right and wrong. It is wrong to worry and I ain't gonna do it any more.

Peace. That's what you get when you don't worry. I used to want that too and now I have it. Peace with God. Resting in his love. It is so wonderful.

This isn't to say I won't ever cry again or feel awful, no, but it won't be my default button any more.