Insomnia.

 

I’ve had trouble with insomnia for many years. I remember it starting when I would go to sleep at a normal time but within a half hour I would wake up with a jolt. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I would start reading or looking at my ipad.

I’ve looked this up online and they call this, Hypnic Jerks.

Hypnic jerks are involuntary muscle movement that can happen as you fall asleep.

·         Hypnic jerks are painless but can accompany other sensations like dreams, hallucinations, or sounds.

·         Researchers theorize that nerves in the brainstem trigger the startling reaction.

·         Caffeine, exercise before sleep, emotional stress, and sleep deprivation can increase your risk of hypnic jerks.

Hypnic Jerks: Why You Twitch When You Sleep | Sleep Foundation

 

Another doctor writes that experts don’t know the exact cause of sleep starts, but what seems to be happening is that there’s a neurological tussle between the brain systems that keep you awake and the ones that encourage you to fall asleep.

Why Do I Jerk Awake Right As I’m Falling Asleep? (thecut.com)

 

But I thought the cause was something different. I had tried giving up caffeine and staying off my tablet to no avail. I thought it might be because my grandson had died and I was fearful of what may happen next to my family.

Two weeks ago, I talked with the Lord about this. I did feel convinced then that it was from a deep fear within me. I told God I knew I couldn’t do anything about that. I needed him to take that fear from me. So I laid my fear at his feet and asked for him to help me. He did do that. I have slept all night without the jerking awake and I have slept for 8 or 9 hours.

 My insomnia was so bad I used to stay up all night and finally flop on my bed in exhaustion. I didn’t like being up at night. It was hard to know what to do besides play video games and listen to podcasts. And since being awake during the day I am happier. I can think of more things to do and just generally feel better.

I want to thank God for this. I’m sure having such fear now in his hands is probably the reason I’m happier. Of course, this doesn’t mean I can just go gaily on ignoring the fear. I pray each night for him to take it. Most things in our life don’t just disappear, they come back over and over because they have become ingrained in our minds. Our battle as Christians is to not get discouraged at this, but to realize God understands our struggle and loves us.

 

Don't Put God in A Box.

 

As I was writing this, it came to me I might have written about this subject before. My memory isn’t very good and my computer files are a mess because I know nothing about computers, so I can’t look it up. Nevertheless, I will post this anyway. Every time I read the Bible or listen to a good sermon I see more and understand more, so here it is:

I listened to a sermon by Tim Keller on Elijah the prophet. What he said was meaningful to me. He told us about the time Elijah was depressed and had run away from the king and queen of Israel. Queen Jezebel had threatened to kill him, so he ran and ran until exhausted, he came to a broom tree. He sat under it and asked God to take his life.

The day before this, Elijah had a contest with the pagan priests about who was the true God. They both built alters on top of a small mount and prayed for their gods to bring down fire. Only Elijah’s alter was set on fire from heaven. The people shouted, “The Lord, he is God.” Elijah left the mount and ran into the city with King Ahab. He was probably sure everything would now change for him, because previously the king and queen had been hunting for him to kill him.

But when Elijah heard the threat from Jezebel, he knew the demonstration of God’s power had not affected anything. He felt his work was a failure and it was over, but he was wrong. God had a lot more for him to do.

Twice, as Elijah lay there, an Angel of the Lord came and cooked warm bread and provided cool water for him. He said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” He did that and was given strength to walk in the wilderness for 40 days until he came to Mr. Horeb, which was known as the “Mountain of God.” It was the place God had met with Moses and the children of Israel.

So he got up and ate and drank. And strengthened by that food, he walked forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. The LORD Speaks to Elijah at Horeb There Elijah entered a cave and spent the night. And the word of the LORD came to him, saying, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  “I have been very zealous for the LORD, the God of Hosts,” he replied, “but the Israelites have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I am the only one left, and they are seeking my life as well.” Then the LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain before the LORD. Behold, the LORD is about to pass by.” And a great and mighty wind tore into the mountains and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a still, small voice. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”   1 Kings 19:8-13

“A Still Small Voice,” that was how the Lord was speaking with Elijah now, and perhaps that was how the Lord was speaking to the people of Israel now too. They had seen God’s great power in a fire from heaven, but now he would speak with them in their hearts. Pastor Keller said, “You can’t put God in a box.” He speaks to people in different ways all the time. He gives them dreams, visions, or just a small voice in our minds.

“And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.”  Isaiah 30:21

I have put God in a box many times. I think he is going to do something one way when he does it in a completely different way. Sometimes that way is very painful, yet it gets the results I want. Not in a way I would ever choose; I wouldn’t allow anyone to suffer in any way. But that’s me, I’m human and weak. God knows beauty comes out of ashes. I accept that. I may not like it, but I accept it. Pain is most likely the only thing that will bring us to God and eternal life.

Has God spoken through whirlwinds, earthquakes and fire? Yes, he has, but at the right time he speaks to us through a warm meal and a kind word.

This is what the Lord did with Elijah. He told him what he wanted him to do next, that his work was not done yet. So, Elijah obeyed and eventually God took him to heaven without ever passing through death.

The Still Small Voice – Timothy Keller [Sermon] - YouTube

 

 

Fear.

Fear. An overwhelming emotion I’ve had all my life. At the age of 72, fear still invades my mind, even though I rarely leave my apartment in an attempt to not risk being afraid and acting strange in public. But of course, in your apartment you can fear all the things that haven’t happened yet, but surely will. You can fear you aren’t being a good enough wife, mother and grandmother. You can fear you aren’t a good enough Christian, that there is always more you could do for God and for people. You can look back on your life and fear it was mostly a waste.

I know where this fear comes from. When I was two years old, my father beat me black and blue because I would cry at night and not go to sleep. (He told me this himself). He sexually abused me until I was 10. My sister told me she wished she could kill me. She said she’d love to put a pillow over my face and smother me. This is how I learned to fear my family.

When I was very young, my sister told me the Japanese neighbors, who lived across the street, poisoned children with soup. She warned me never to go near their house. So, I learned to fear neighbors. In first grade, I had a teacher who would whip the boys with tree branches. We could hear their screams from the room beside us. So, I learned to fear school. When we visited my grandparents in Los Angeles, my sister told me not to walk down alleys because men would put a bucket over my head and drive nails through it. So, I learned to be afraid in large cities.

I feared God. I was raised in a fundamentalist church and there was a lot of talk about sin. It was pounded into us that any sin at all was horrible. I wanted to be a Christian, but I knew I could never, ever be that good. When I did come to Jesus at 19, whenever I sinned I expected God to kill me. I’m still a Christian and I know better now.

I was crippled by fear. I remember when I was 6 I had to walk a far bit to school. I would drag the toes of my shoes along sidewalk, wearing them out, because I didn’t want to go. I also dragged my shoes on the way home. There was a railroad track between the school and home. I loved watching the trains as they sped by. I loved looking at them when they were just sitting there. My desire was to jump on one that would take me far away. But to where? I didn’t know.

High school was a particular kind of fear. When I started grade 10, I didn’t know anyone at the school. I hid in a stall in the bathroom at lunchtime for three months. I finally met a nice girl and we were friends for a time. I made other friends, but the friendships never lasted more than six months. Even now, I don’t know why.

Dating was a nightmare. I was so afraid on dates I couldn’t speak. I had some really cool guys ask me out, but I was horribly boring. In order to enjoy my company, the guy would have had to be a non-stop talker. (My first husband. Lol)

I found out boys always wanted to touch you. I didn’t find it hard to say no. The first time a boy tried to take my bra off I said, “What are you doing?” I really didn’t know. I figured it out. My father hated me dating and called me a slut. I was a virgin. I dated a boy once and he told everyone I was easy and he screwed me. A lie. After that, I didn’t care too much about staying a virgin. I lost that status after I was date-raped. Not that I knew what it was. I had passed out from drinking and woke up by being thrown on the bed, my clothes taken off and then him inside me. To be honest, he was very good looking and I liked being wanted by him. There was blood on the bed, and he asked in horror, “Are you a virgin?” I told him I was. I think he was ashamed of what he did, but I don’t really know. Any time I saw him at school, he looked away.

Grade 11 I decided to run away from home and go to San Francisco because that’s where the hippie movement was located. My father caught me stealing money from his wallet in the middle of the night. I told my parents how unhappy I was. They decided to send me to Canada to stay with relatives. I was happy to get away and that is where I married my first husband. (The one who never stops talking. He is still like that, and it’s strange that even now when I see him, I feel a warmth for him. I’m afraid no one else likes him because they say he is narcissistic.)

Okay, I have explained why I have this fear inside me. I have been to therapy a few times and it helped me very much. I went to anxiety groups. I began to understand why I do what I do, but none of that took my fear away. I tried to get a university degree, and I did make it through 2 years with high grades, but my mental illness got in the way and I quit.

Most jobs I tried were over in one day because of my fear. My second husband is very understanding. Living on one wage most of our marriage has been close to impossible, but he never complains. I still apologize to him because I’ve felt guilty about how hard life has been for us. I did do some babysitting and I worked as a janitor for a year. This was to buy school clothes for our two daughters.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I guess I wanted to let people know why some people are afraid, why some people can’t work, even though they are intelligent and look normal. I wanted to let people know this kind of fear is a mental illness. I want Christians to know that even though a fearful person prays about it, sometimes the fear never leaves.

C.S. Lewis told a friend who had a mental illness to realize it is like losing a leg. God isn’t going to grow the leg back, but he will help you live without it. I can attest to that. God has given me the greatest comfort, joy and love than any person has given me. He is amazing. My biggest problem is sometimes forgetting to talk with him about my feelings and worries. I do it, but I want to do it every time I’m upset about anything and many times I forget.

Jesus said, “Don’t worry about tomorrow, about what you will eat, drink or wear. Each day has problems of its own.” He promised we don’t need to fear because he is with us. Paul wrote, “Have no anxiety about anything, but with petitions and prayers, with thanksgiving, make your requests to God and the peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” I repeat these verses to myself and they always help.

I didn’t know that when you become a Christian, you would still have problems in your life that don’t go away quickly. In fact, you may have to pray about that problem until Jesus comes back or you die. I wish I had known that in the beginning of my walk with God, but I didn’t, so I keep marching on knowing God loves me just as I am.

 

Fear in Times of Trouble.

These are trying times for everyone. We can’t see the future and feel powerless over the COVID-19 virus. We are used to having some control over our lives and that seems to be gone. Most of us have lives of trying to cope with problems without the virus; with the virus, life can feel overwhelming.


I am taking care of my 92-year-old mother. The doctor recently prescribed morphine for her because her constant angina wasn’t letting her sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. I’ve been trying one pill, then two pills. If she doesn’t have enough food in her stomach before taking the pill, she gets nauseated and sometimes vomits. I’ve found the solution in giving her a bowl of cereal before she goes to bed; that seems to work the best with one pill at night.


My heart overturns sometimes when I look at my mom. She is so weak and fragile and feels yucky a lot of the time. I wish none of this was happening to her, but I am powerless over her illness.


Each day I pray for God’s strength and he always gives it to me. But last night I watched a video online that showed a woman in her 90s who got the virus and lived through it. I’m so glad she did, but what she described was truly awful and painful. I began to feel deep fear about getting the virus. I'm not afraid of death, but I am afraid of pain.


As I was praying later that night, I was reminded of the many people in the Bible who were close to God and suffered greatly. It felt like the Lord was telling me I shouldn’t expect a life with no suffering; he never promises that.  Jesus said, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33


When I think of how David was running and hiding from King Saul for 20 years, I can understand why he wrote Psalms of sorrow and fear. When I think of Daniel and his friends being taken away from their homes and families in Jerusalem and made to be slaves for the king of Babylon, I think of the long journey there. They were forced to walk for miles and miles before they arrived. Perhaps they saw their parents and siblings killed when Jerusalem fell. Their faith in God was surely tested.


Jeremiah and Isaiah both suffered greatly because they spoke out for God. They did what God asked them to do yet were jailed. Jewish history says Isaiah was sawn in half by King Manasseh. Jeremiah was hunted down and hated by the rulers of Jerusalem. It is only because of the king’s mercy that he stayed alive until the city fell.


In the New Testament, the disciples of Jesus were persecuted and all died from murder except John. Paul writes about the Thessalonians who had all their property taken away because they became Christians. Thousands lost their lives to different emperors of Rome.


These are some of the sufferings of Paul that he wrote about in 2 Corinthians:

In my frequent journeys, I have been in danger from rivers and from bandits, in danger from my countrymen and from the Gentiles, in danger in the city and in the country, in danger on the sea and among false brothers, in labor and toil and often without sleep, in hunger and thirst and often without food, in cold and exposure. Verses 26,27


…in harder labor, in more imprisonments, in worse beatings, in frequent danger of death. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked. I spent a night and a day in the open sea. Verses, 23-25


For myself I can say, I don’t really know what it is to suffer like Paul. Still, I have my own sufferings and I know God sympathizes with me; he walks with me through my sufferings; he gives me strength to bear up under them but he doesn’t always take them away. 


I believe Jesus is returning very soon. If that is so, the COVID-19 virus is only the beginning of suffering at this time. I was reading Isaiah chapter 24 this morning and came across the condition of the world at the time of the end: Verses 4-6 
  

The earth mourns and withers;
the world languishes and withers;
the highest people of the earth languish.


The earth lies defiled (polluted)
under its inhabitants;
for they have transgressed the laws,
violated the statutes,
broken the everlasting covenant.

Therefore, a curse devours the earth,
and its inhabitants suffer for their guilt;
therefore the inhabitants of the earth are scorched,
and few men are left.

Jesus said in Matthew 24:21-26 For at that time there will be great tribulation, unmatched from the beginning of the world until now, and never to be seen again. If those days had not been cut short, nobody would be saved. But for the sake of the elect, those days will be cut short. 

At that time, if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Christ!’ or ‘There He is,’ do not believe it. For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders that would deceive even the elect, if that were possible. See, I have told you in advance. )

So if they tell you, ‘There He is in the wilderness,’ do not go out; or, ‘Here He is in the inner rooms,’ do not believe it. For just as the lightning comes from the east and flashes as far as the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. 

In Daniel 12:1-4, it says “At that time Michael, the great prince who stands watch over your people, will rise up. There will be a time of trouble, the likes of which will not have occurred from the beginning of nations until that time. But at that time your people—everyone whose name is found written in the book—will be delivered. 

And many who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake, some to everlasting life, but others to shame and everlasting contempt. Then the wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness will shine like the stars forever and ever. 

But you, Daniel, shut up these words and seal the book until the time of the end. Many will roam to and fro and knowledge will increase.” 

One of the best things Jesus said was, “Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have itself to think about. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  Matthew 6:34

I heard something online today that lifted my heart. It was, "I am not a strong rock, but I stand on one.

A Neighbor's Corona Virus Story.

“Therefore, my spirit faints within me; my heart within me is appalled.”  Psalm 143:4


The verse above is from a prayer by David.


Today, a “Therefore, my spirit faints within me; my heart within me is appalled.”  Psalm 143:4


The verse above is from a prayer by David.


Today, a neighbor talked with me while I was getting my mail. We were careful, standing at least 15 feet apart. She poured out her heart to me about her mother-in-law, who has all the symptoms of Corona Virus and nothing is being done for her. They aren’t allowed to take her to the hospital, even though there are empty beds. She is suffering at her home, all alone. She is quarantined and in pain, gasping and trying to get her breath. She is 83. The hospital told her family, “It isn’t time yet.” My friend told her mother-in-law to dial 911 (which they did once already and no one came), when she felt she was dying so someone would come get her body.


I think hospitals are doing this because they have run out of tests for the virus, nurses are becoming infected and she is 83 years old. I can’t think of any other reason they would not even try to relieve her suffering. I see statistics on the news that the curve is flattening here in Canada. Well, that makes sense since they aren’t taking tests and are leaving people to fend for themselves and die alone.  I felt so sad for this family.


My sister and I talk about the virus every day. She lives in Washington State and I live in BC, Canada. We think she has had the virus already. She was very sick a week ago, but is back to feeling awful instead of horrible. She has a lot of health problems and never feels normal.


She and I are both negative people. We have always thought the worst would probably happen to us and people we love. We are “catastrophic thinkers.” Each event, we take to the nth degree of disaster. We don’t want any surprises. This has made life extra hard for us, but we have both been working on turning to God with these thoughts. Believe me, he comes through, big-time.


You know how a person gets into that kind of thinking? My sister was threatened by a family member a few times by waking up with a sharp knife at her throat. I was abused by my father. If your life is threatened by someone close to you when you are a little child, you never feel safe again. 


But this is where faith in God comes in. Not that we think God won’t let us get the virus and die, no, we just trust him to know what is best. If God doesn’t want you to die, you won’t. And if you are dying, he will be with you. This gives me peace. I wrote about this recently, but I feel I should share this again.


Also, there is hope for new medicine and a vaccine. I just read last night a university in Canada has experimented and found a drug that seems to help people get better from the virus. That made me so happy. I hope they will start using it on patients soon.


The prayer of David, at the beginning of my post goes on to say:

I remember the days of old;

I meditate on all Your works;

I consider the work of Your hands.

I stretch out my hands to You;

my soul thirsts for You like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O LORD;

my spirit fails.

Do not hide Your face from me,

or I will be like those who descend to the Pit.

Let me hear Your loving devotion in the morning,

for I have put my trust in You.

Teach me the way I should walk,

for to You I lift up my soul.

Deliver me from my enemies, O LORD;

I flee to You for refuge.

Teach me to do Your will,

for You are my God.

May Your good Spirit lead me

on level ground.

This is a good prayer for this time in history. When we feel our spirit faint within us, consider the works of Jesus, stretch out your hands to him. Put your trust in him. Ask him to teach you how to live. Then rest in his love.

“Do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be afraid, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you; I will surely help you;

I will uphold you with My right hand of righteousness.”

Isaiah 41:10

God and the Virus.

Well, it has been an interesting year so far. Of course, the virus is the big thing, but then there are the other trials of life on top of it. My mother has been having more health problems and sleeping problems, my oldest daughter’s marriage is over, my husband is waiting for back surgery and I had two teeth pulled out last Friday and have felt sick ever since. Also, I need new glasses only 6 months after getting new ones. I turned 70 the other day and I still need to lose weight. I started dieting when I was 11. (There have been slim years and other years. Lol)


Jesus said, “Love not the world…” I can honestly say I do not.


The virus and God. I’m sure there are people saying God sent this virus because we are such terrible people and he is punishing us. This theme comes up whenever there is a disaster. 


Does God punish people? The Bible shows us that he does do that sometimes. But unless you are a prophet, you don’t know why anything is happening. I think we should leave all speculation behind. This virus came by eating unclean animals or some germ-warfare escaping from a lab.


I live in Canada and we are getting more virus cases every day. Pretty well everything has shut down. My husband is working from home; thousands upon thousands of people have been laid-off their jobs. Our government is going to make sure those who cannot work from home are taken care of. I’m happy about that. It is always the working poor that suffer the most.


My mom, who is 92, my husband and I are vulnerable to this virus. If we ever get it, we could easily die. We all have serious health issues. But we aren’t afraid and that’s all because of Jesus, his Father and the Holy Spirit. They live in our hearts and the three of us believe if we die, we will be with God in person (a hugely exciting thought); if we live, then God has a good reason for that. 

I don’t think anyone on earth dies without God’s permission. You can read about that in the first chapters of the book of Job. Satan was only allowed to do so much to Job. He was not allowed to kill him.


One thing about this virus is it may make people stop and think about how short life is and perhaps some will start praying and learning about God. People will have time now to meditate on their lives and the meaning of life. Our culture is so full of busyness and distractions, we hardly have time to think. Also, I am sure there will be a baby boom in nine months!


All I can say is that if you want peace during times like this, give your life to God and he will flood you with his peace. He is the one full of love, goodness and peace. We are the ones filled with worry, fear and hatred. He will fill you with himself if you ask him, and keep asking him every day. This exchange is not a one-time thing. It is a daily thing. We need him every moment of every day.

Fear and Faith.

Photo by: https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Karemin1094&action=edit&redlink=1

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." 

"Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;  though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling." 
Psalm 46:1-3

 Psalm 46 brings comfort to me. There are beautiful, as well as fearful thoughts here. Verses 1-3 remind me of what Jesus said to the disciples in the midst of a terrible storm, when they were in danger of capsizing and drowning. He asks them, “Why are you afraid? Where is your faith?”

Jesus was explaining to them that no matter how frightening a situation is, we must have faith (trust) in God. If God allows us to drown, that is fine. If God decides to save us from drowning, that is fine. This is total trust in God’s wisdom and power. The disciples had not learned this kind of trust yet.

In these three verses, the Psalm describes the world in convulsions. Some commentators say these represent the anger of the nations. Some say they represent actual physical events. Some say they represent the storms of life. Some say they represent all three.

Because of the later verses in this chapter, I believe they represent the physical condition of the earth right before Jesus returns. Verses 6-9 say this:

"Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."
"Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire."

About the last plague to come upon mankind, the Book of Revelation says this:

"Look, I come like a thief! Blessed is the one who stays awake and remains clothed, so as not to go naked and be shamefully exposed." And they assembled them at the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon. The seventh angel poured out his bowl into the air, and a loud voice came out of the temple, from the throne, saying, “It is done!”
  
"And there were flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder, and a great earthquake such as there had never been since man was on the earth, so great was that earthquake."

"The great city was split into three parts, and the cities of the nations fell, and God remembered Babylon the great, to make her drain the cup of the wine of the fury of his wrath.   And every island fled away, and the mountains were not found."
Revelation 16:15-20

What is so beautiful in this Psalm are the verses that give us hope, peace and courage:

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day."

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

"The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."
As these days draw near, let us pray for God's courage, faith and peace.

Right and Wrong Doesn't Matter.

Today, I read a blog post by Colin Picering that I think is important for the people of the United States and Canada. I could never have written about this as well as Colin.

Right and Wrong Doesn't Matter:

Without God, morality is just an arbitrary rule destined to change on whim and convenience. This doesn’t mean that Christians and other religious individuals don’t make the same moral concessions, but there are some among us who hold to doing what God has instructed us to do. Some probably thought that we could hold each other to a high moral standard. Considering the current state of our country’s political system, our ability to hold such a standard is incredibly limited. Morality does not overrule our fears and instincts to survive without a respect for a higher power and belief of consequences worse than what we expect through our actions or inactions. Humans naturally want control over their own future, so we make decisions to concede defeat on morale grounds if it improves our prospective futures.

True Christianity is about giving up control. It is about trusting completely in God and not being afraid. The world, the United States, and the greater Christian community is full of fear. We are so worried about right and wrong because we are afraid that the things we believe are wrong will happen to us. We fight so hard for different topics of morality because we fear punishment from God, ridicule from each other, and our own lack of self control. We believe God will punish us if we don’t fight against abortions, gay marriages, and sexual promiscuity. We fear that God will lose the battle to school districts across the country that don’t teach biblical topics. We fear losing our way of life, our freedom to believe what we want, and our ability to live free from things we believe are abominations and damaging to the society we want.

Much of sin comes from fear. The fear of losing control leads people to do things to harm others in order to retain that control. The fear of being weak leads people to seek power in any way they can get it. The fear of physical injury will keep us from putting ourselves in harms way for others. There are many other examples of fear that push us toward sin, fear of limited resources can make us unwilling to share with those in need. Fearing limited resources could also cause us to steal or lie in order to gain more. Even the fear of God can be enough to make us sin.

The fear of God spoken about in the bible was meant as respect. It requires a healthy level of fear, which is more an understanding and concession of who is in control, God. It requires that we believe that when we do wrong, there will be consequences for those actions. However, we are not responsible for the actions of others. We are responsible for what we do, say, and believe. God isn’t going to hold us accountable for others.

There are three things that a Christian needs to combat the fears that lead to sin; love, faith, and hope. Love for God and each other will prevent us from doing things that hurt our spirit and our neighbor. Faith that God will keep his promises allows us to fight through thoughts of weakness, limited resources, and death. Our hope in Jesus Christ and in the future he promised will allow us to persevere through tough times.

God never promised that only good things will happen to us if we believe. If we have love, faith, and hope we can endure anything life throws at us. We can share our love, our faith, and our hope with others. This is how we work for God to change others, not by aggressively trying to force change. We have to introduce people to the core of Christianity. First impressions cannot be our scolding judgment on the way they live their lives.

For Christians, right and wrong is meaningless. The law is built on love. Not love as in romantic love, but in unconditional enduring love. Fear might create quick knee jerk reactions, but hope builds a foundation of belief. We can’t allow ourselves to continue to be pushed around by the waves. The waves are the many fears in our lives. We must have faith in Jesus. We must believe that God is in control and that our job here is to love each other, build each other up, and spread hope to those who have no hope.

We can’t be the reason they have no hope. We are meant to be ridiculed and persecuted. Others are supposed to see the strength that our faith gives us to endure that ridicule and persecution. Our love is supposed to make them feel shame for doing it while being a peaceful example in a conflict oriented world. Our hope is meant to draw people in to the possibility that life is more than a temporary stay on a world full of both good and bad.

Stop concerning yourself with right and wrong. If we focus on love, faith, and hope; all of the other stuff will fall into place. God will keep his promises. We have to show that we can keep ours.

1 John 4:7-21
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

13 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.       
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I Lied.

I was reading a blog today about what causes us to sin. I thought about the sin I committed just 2 days ago. Someone asked me where their canvases went (for painting pictures) and I immediately said, “I don’t know.”  But I DID know. I ran out of canvas and used hers. I was going to buy her some new ones to take their place, but I had forgotten.

I gave her one of my canvases and she was happy. But when I was at prayer last night, the Lord convicted me that I must confess my sin to her and apologize. I will do that when she comes over this week.

What really, really got me was the fact that I lie so rarely I can’t even remember the last time I did. But I know why I have lied in the past and I know why I lied 2 days ago. I was afraid.

I was afraid she would be mad at me for using her canvas without asking first. My past lies were to my husband because I was afraid he would get mad at me. So I would lie about what I bought or lie about lots of things that I knew would make him angry.

I’m very ashamed of my behavior, but I realized I haven’t really prayed about my fears. Social phobia is part of my mental illness. I am terrified of being around people now. I wasn’t always this way, but after I had a mental breakdown, I became afraid of everything.

I was afraid of flying, driving over a bridge, shopping, going to church, meeting people, social situations etc. I went to two anxiety clinics which did help me with the flying and bridges; but I’ve never gotten over social anxiety. I was like that in school as a child and teen too, but was better in my thirties and early forties.

I think now is the time to pray about my fear. I have just given into my fear and stayed home as much as I could and I’m very happy here at home. If I do go out, it is usually with my daughters or husband because I’m now terrified of driving! I’m 67 and tired of trying to be normal, but if this fear of mine leads me into sin, then I want Jesus to heal me. I started today to pray about it. I ask for your prayers too.

I think one reason I have never really prayed for God to heal my fears is that I figured it was all bound up in my mental illness and abuse as a little girl. Well, if God wants to heal me, he will; if God doesn’t want to heal me, that’s fine. I’ve asked him to make me aware before I open my mouth not to lie when I’m afraid. I trust him, he will strengthen me to do his will.

Are You Free?

I am reading a book called, "Eugenia Price Trilogy," and it is a wonderful book.  Her enthusiasm for God is overflowing and infectious. I was reading a chapter called, "Are You Free?" when I came upon this quote.

"What are some of the things which rob Christians of their freedom? Surely, as we mention elsewhere in this book, worry is one of our most constant jailers! I believe that during the time we are worrying, we are actually atheistic. Either we believe Jesus Christ or we do not. He said, "I have overcome the world." Did he? Or is he playing a fiendish cosmic prank on us?

"I have, for a year or more, permitted myself the luxury of worry for five minutes at a time and no more, At the end of five minutes, if I am still worried, I go to the nearest mirror, look myself right in the eye and say, "This tremendous thing which worries you is beyond solution. Especially, it is too hard for Jesus Christ to handle." Usually, I am restraining a laugh by that time, and when I let it go, the tears of gratitude come with the laugh, and I turn my eyes gladly back upon the face of Him who gave me a foolproof  "worry-tree" in his own cross."

I used to be a champion worrier, especially when it came to my children or grandchildren. I would pray for them, and sometimes I could leave them with God for awhile; but sooner or later I would be fretting and worrying once again. The Lord has conquered my worry, but I am still tempted to worry. The thoughts come, but I immediately pray or quote scripture and go on with my day.

Paul wrote, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done."  Philippeans 4:6

Jesus said, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:25-34

A lot of people worry about the state of the world (ISIS) and the state of America. I have learned through the Old Testament that it is wrong to do this. 

"Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land."  Psalm 37:8,9 

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!"  Psalm 37:7

"Do not fret because of evildoers or be envious of the wicked, for the evildoer has no future hope, and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out."  Proverbs 24:19, 20

Even if the foundation of our government is destroyed, we need not worry. 

"When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do? But the LORD is in his holy Temple; the LORD still rules from heaven. He watches everyone closely, examining every person on earth."  Psalm 11:3,4

God says that if there is chaos, confusion, war, persecution or death in our lands, we are not to worry because God still rules in the heavens. We must trust him.