Don't Be Afraid of Your Fears.

 

One of my greatest fears has been to become sick enough to go to the hospital. I have social phobia and other mental problems, and the thought of being unclothed and being touched by people horrified me.

One evening, I started to have pain in my upper abdomen and down my right side. I thought it was another kidney stone. I had passed one many years ago and it felt the same. I knew what to do and waited for it to pass. But it didn’t. The pain wouldn’t let up, and in the morning, I called an ambulance.

The emergency was crowded and I was put in a waiting room. I didn’t ask for pain medication. I didn’t even think of it, I don’t know why. But later, they could see I was in pain and they gave me a shot of something.

I was there at 8:30 am and after tests I was told I needed my appendix out. I had surgery at 9:30 pm and it all went well. Then they took me to a room that had one other patient – a man.

I was molested by my father so usually I would have been terrified to be in a room alone with a man. But he had just had heart surgery and was in pain, so I figured he wasn’t a danger. He was arguing with the nurses and then a doctor about his pain medication. He said it wasn’t strong enough. I felt sorry for him and also the doctor and nurses. There are two sides to giving and getting pain killers and I understand the complexities.

After the medical staff left the room, this man began talking with me. He was very outgoing and personable. I’m usually upset when people talk to me, but I wasn’t this time. I felt comfortable, and we shared a lot of information about our lives. Also, he was polite enough to ask me if I minded talking and I told him I was fine with it.

I won’t give any details, suffice it to say his wife was in stage 4 cancer and he had a bad heart. He had just retired and they had bought an RV and kayak so they could enjoy their remaining life together. Then illness struck both of them.

I am not one to preach religion to others. I know most people do not appreciate that. But this man was very sad and contemplating the end of their lives. His hope was gone.

I had been praying silently for God to help me help him, and when he told me what he was feeling about death, I asked him, “Do you believe in God?” He told me he didn’t. He and his wife had been upset by the way religious people treated other people and they had left their church. Recently though, his wife had gone back.

He told me he figured he would be going to an eternal hell. I told him I did not believe God would torture people for an eternity. I told him I study the Bible for myself and make up my own mind what God is like. The Bible says the wicked will be ashes under the soles of our feet and that he will destroy the wicked and their works. It also says death and hell will be thrown into a lake of fire. This means death and the grave will be gone forever. I know there are a few verses that give the impression of an everlasting hell like: “The smoke of their torment will ascend forever.” But smoke is a result of fire and I believe this means the results of sin will always be remembered so that no one ever sins again. All of heaven will know the results of rebelling against God.

We talked a bit more about God and then went to sleep. I was happy I could share my belief in God with this man. My heart felt entwined with his since we were talking about the most important thing about life: why we are here and what happens after death. I thanked God for the opportunity.

I learned a lot by staying in the hospital. Number One: I don’t need to be afraid for God is with me. I didn’t feel afraid the whole time I was there. Number Two: There was a reason for my appendix problem. God wanted me to talk with that man.

What is interesting is that during my stay in the waiting room my daughter phoned the hospital to ask how I was doing. The staff told my daughter they had no one in the hospital by my name. She kept calling during the day and they kept saying the same thing. By the fourth call, my daughter got angry and insisted they look and see if they could find me.

They did finally find me. After the pain medication, a nurse had moved me to a recliner so I could lay back and rest. It was cold in there, so they gave me a blanked with which I covered my body and face. I promptly fell asleep. So, they could have called my name out and I wouldn’t have heard them.

Late in the afternoon, a nurse came and took the blanket off my face and asked my name. So, I guess that was when they found me. All this was quite an experience, and I want to add the nurses and doctors were wonderful and kind.

That’s the story of my hospital stay. My greatest fear came to me and God showed me he is stronger and wiser than my fear. I praise and thank him for everything. He is so much more than we could ever ask or think. He is King and Lord of the universe, my God, my Father, my Brother, my Counselor, my Comforter and Strength.

 

A Neighbor's Corona Virus Story.

“Therefore, my spirit faints within me; my heart within me is appalled.”  Psalm 143:4


The verse above is from a prayer by David.


Today, a “Therefore, my spirit faints within me; my heart within me is appalled.”  Psalm 143:4


The verse above is from a prayer by David.


Today, a neighbor talked with me while I was getting my mail. We were careful, standing at least 15 feet apart. She poured out her heart to me about her mother-in-law, who has all the symptoms of Corona Virus and nothing is being done for her. They aren’t allowed to take her to the hospital, even though there are empty beds. She is suffering at her home, all alone. She is quarantined and in pain, gasping and trying to get her breath. She is 83. The hospital told her family, “It isn’t time yet.” My friend told her mother-in-law to dial 911 (which they did once already and no one came), when she felt she was dying so someone would come get her body.


I think hospitals are doing this because they have run out of tests for the virus, nurses are becoming infected and she is 83 years old. I can’t think of any other reason they would not even try to relieve her suffering. I see statistics on the news that the curve is flattening here in Canada. Well, that makes sense since they aren’t taking tests and are leaving people to fend for themselves and die alone.  I felt so sad for this family.


My sister and I talk about the virus every day. She lives in Washington State and I live in BC, Canada. We think she has had the virus already. She was very sick a week ago, but is back to feeling awful instead of horrible. She has a lot of health problems and never feels normal.


She and I are both negative people. We have always thought the worst would probably happen to us and people we love. We are “catastrophic thinkers.” Each event, we take to the nth degree of disaster. We don’t want any surprises. This has made life extra hard for us, but we have both been working on turning to God with these thoughts. Believe me, he comes through, big-time.


You know how a person gets into that kind of thinking? My sister was threatened by a family member a few times by waking up with a sharp knife at her throat. I was abused by my father. If your life is threatened by someone close to you when you are a little child, you never feel safe again. 


But this is where faith in God comes in. Not that we think God won’t let us get the virus and die, no, we just trust him to know what is best. If God doesn’t want you to die, you won’t. And if you are dying, he will be with you. This gives me peace. I wrote about this recently, but I feel I should share this again.


Also, there is hope for new medicine and a vaccine. I just read last night a university in Canada has experimented and found a drug that seems to help people get better from the virus. That made me so happy. I hope they will start using it on patients soon.


The prayer of David, at the beginning of my post goes on to say:

I remember the days of old;

I meditate on all Your works;

I consider the work of Your hands.

I stretch out my hands to You;

my soul thirsts for You like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O LORD;

my spirit fails.

Do not hide Your face from me,

or I will be like those who descend to the Pit.

Let me hear Your loving devotion in the morning,

for I have put my trust in You.

Teach me the way I should walk,

for to You I lift up my soul.

Deliver me from my enemies, O LORD;

I flee to You for refuge.

Teach me to do Your will,

for You are my God.

May Your good Spirit lead me

on level ground.

This is a good prayer for this time in history. When we feel our spirit faint within us, consider the works of Jesus, stretch out your hands to him. Put your trust in him. Ask him to teach you how to live. Then rest in his love.

“Do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be afraid, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you; I will surely help you;

I will uphold you with My right hand of righteousness.”

Isaiah 41:10

Mom Fell Down.

Mom has been very comfortable in the hospital, but they continue to want her to walk. She woke in the middle of the night and was confused. She is supposed to ring for help. She didn’t, and she fell trying to reach the bathroom.

The fall was a hard one. She hit the back of her head, which tore and she was bleeding. I’m not sure how long she lay there since she doesn’t know either. They taped the skin together and put a large, turban-like bandage around her head. They called me in the morning and I went to see her right away. She isn’t in any pain, not even a headache. I’m very glad. They put a sensor on her that will give an alarm if she tries to get out of bed by herself again. I wish they had put it on her from the beginning. I think they should put one on every old person there. She is still cold most of the time and her hands are icy.

My cousin and his wife came to stay with us for 6 days. They knew I was feeling upset and it was wonderful to see them. They took us out for drives in the country and for dinner every night. I really appreciate what they did.

My daughter had a meeting with two representatives from Interior Health and they told her Mom didn’t have to go back to our home. I guess all the letter-writing I did paid off and of course God was working for us. 

I went to a chiropractor about my foot. He used Shock-Wave Therapy on it and told me to buy Birkinstock sandals. My cousin bought the sandals and I could walk better by evening. Each day my foot got better and now I don’t even need the cane. I’m so happy. I get two more treatments on that foot and then three on the left foot, which is sore when I walk, but not horribly so.

Thank you all so much for your prayers. It means a lot to me to know people are praying for Mom and the family.