Toxic Churches/Toxic Leaders

 

I was reading 3^rd John and was amazed by how toxic a Christian church had already become just a few years after Jesus was here on earth.

John was a disciple of Jesus. He walked with him for more than three years, learning and growing in his presence. Yet, here in this book of the Bible, John was writing to Gaius, a believer in Jesus, about a toxic church and leader.

First John commended Gaius for helping the “traveling teachers” who had come from Jerusalem to encourage the church. Gaius took them into his house and cared for their needs. But there was a man in the local church who refused to do this. In fact, he would throw anyone out of the church who helped these teachers. John said this man, Diotrephes, would not listen to those of the church in Jerusalem. “I wrote to the church about this, but Diotrephes, who loves to be the leader, refuses to have anything to do with us.”   3 John 1:9

Imagine the rebellion of not listening to the disciples of Jesus at that time. John said this man had always wanted to be a “leader.” Now he was, and he was committing great sin and leading others to do the same.

Paul, in his letters, spoke of the same thing. False teachers leading others astray. I think some people think the Christian churches are doing something new by being unlike Christ. No, it isn’t new, it has happened for more than 2,000 years. Jesus warned us of this. He said, “Beware of false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?  Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, by their fruit you will recognize them.”  Matthew 7:15-20

And this is the fruit: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”  Galatians 5:22,23

If a pastor, leader or church does not have the fruit of the Spirit, it will become toxic and harmful to everyone it touches. They bring upon all Christianity a bad name. They slander God and the gospel.

So be careful about what and whom you believe. The Bible says, “Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world.”  1 John 4:1

I Lied.

I was reading a blog today about what causes us to sin. I thought about the sin I committed just 2 days ago. Someone asked me where their canvases went (for painting pictures) and I immediately said, “I don’t know.”  But I DID know. I ran out of canvas and used hers. I was going to buy her some new ones to take their place, but I had forgotten.

I gave her one of my canvases and she was happy. But when I was at prayer last night, the Lord convicted me that I must confess my sin to her and apologize. I will do that when she comes over this week.

What really, really got me was the fact that I lie so rarely I can’t even remember the last time I did. But I know why I have lied in the past and I know why I lied 2 days ago. I was afraid.

I was afraid she would be mad at me for using her canvas without asking first. My past lies were to my husband because I was afraid he would get mad at me. So I would lie about what I bought or lie about lots of things that I knew would make him angry.

I’m very ashamed of my behavior, but I realized I haven’t really prayed about my fears. Social phobia is part of my mental illness. I am terrified of being around people now. I wasn’t always this way, but after I had a mental breakdown, I became afraid of everything.

I was afraid of flying, driving over a bridge, shopping, going to church, meeting people, social situations etc. I went to two anxiety clinics which did help me with the flying and bridges; but I’ve never gotten over social anxiety. I was like that in school as a child and teen too, but was better in my thirties and early forties.

I think now is the time to pray about my fear. I have just given into my fear and stayed home as much as I could and I’m very happy here at home. If I do go out, it is usually with my daughters or husband because I’m now terrified of driving! I’m 67 and tired of trying to be normal, but if this fear of mine leads me into sin, then I want Jesus to heal me. I started today to pray about it. I ask for your prayers too.

I think one reason I have never really prayed for God to heal my fears is that I figured it was all bound up in my mental illness and abuse as a little girl. Well, if God wants to heal me, he will; if God doesn’t want to heal me, that’s fine. I’ve asked him to make me aware before I open my mouth not to lie when I’m afraid. I trust him, he will strengthen me to do his will.

Revelation: The Dragon and the Little Horn

This is a chapter by chapter copy of my sister's book, "The End is Near."

Continued from previous post...

          “And when the dragon saw that he was thrown down the earth, he persecuted the woman who gave birth to the male child.  But the two wings of the great eagle were given to the woman, so that she could fly into the wilderness to her place, where she was nourished for a time and times and half a time, from the presence of the serpent.  And the serpent poured water like a river out of his mouth after the woman, so that he might cause her to be swept away with the flood.  But the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened its mouth and drank up the river which the dragon poured out of his mouth.  So the dragon was enraged with the woman, and went off to make war with the rest of her children, who keep the commandments of God and hold to the testimony of Jesus."               Rev. 12:13-17

          Satan is furious about losing to Jesus and decides to go after those who follow Jesus.  The true followers of Jesus were forced to flee, many hiding in the mountains and forests where they were able to avoid the flood of people searching for them (see Appendix 2).  Those who remained in the populated areas were less able to avoid persecution.  The persecution lasted “…a time and times and half a time…” which is the 1260 days mentioned in verse 6.  It is calculated this way: “a time” is one year, “times” is two years, and “half a time” is six months, giving a total of 1260 days (360 + 720 + 180 = 1260).  This time period is also mention in Daniel 7.

            “…out of this kingdom (Rome) ten kings will arise; and another will arise after them, and he will be different from the previous ones and will subdue three kings.  He will speak out against the Most High and wear down the saints of the Highest One…and they will be given into his hand for a time, times, and half a time.”  Dan. 7:24, 25

          Do you remember the mouthy, blasphemous horn we saw in chapter two of this book?     

It is mentioned in Daniel 7:8 and Daniel 8:9-14, 23-26 as arising after Greece.  But we had questions about this because we knew Rome followed Greece.  Well, here our questions are answered.  This mouthy, blasphemous horn does arise after Greece, but we can see here that it comes out of Rome and after the Western Roman Empire had been carved up into ten kingdoms.  And this horn does uproot and subdue three of the ten kings.  When the Emperor Justinian declared the Bishop of Rome as head of the Christian churches and gave him civil powers to go with his new religious powers, three of the ten kingdoms opposed this.  The Heruli, the Vandals and the Ostrogoths fought against this new arrangement but by 538 CE the last of them had been crushed.

  The Bishop of Rome, the Pope of the Catholic Church, the blasphemous horn, was now unopposed and was able to wield its unlimited powers as it saw fit for 1260 years.

This is Belle writing now: If you think it cruel and unfair to name the Pope as being the little horn, I am adding what the protestants of old said.

Protestants[edit]

Many Protestant reformers, including Martin Luther, John Calvin, Thomas Cranmer, John Thomas, John Knox, and Cotton Mather, identified the Roman Papacy as the Antichrist.^[38] They held that the Antichrist power would be revealed so that everyone would comprehend and recognize that the Pope is the real, true Antichrist and not the vicar of Christ. The Centuriators of Magdeburg, a group of Lutheran scholars in Magdeburg headed by Matthias Flacius, wrote the 12-volume "Magdeburg Centuries" to discredit the papacy and identify the pope as the Antichrist. The fifth round of talks in the Lutheran–Roman Catholic dialogue notes,

In calling the pope the "antichrist," the early Lutherans stood in a tradition that reached back into the eleventh century. Not only dissidents and heretics but even saints had called the bishop of Rome the "antichrist" when they wished to castigate his abuse of power.^[39]

The Pope as the antichrist was so ingrained in the Reformation era, that Luther stated it repeatedly. For example:

"This teaching [of the supremacy of the pope] shows forcefully that the Pope is the very Antichrist, who has exalted himself above, and opposed himself against Christ, because he will not permit Christians to be saved without his power, which, nevertheless, is nothing, and is neither ordained nor commanded by God”.^[40]

and,

"nothing else than the kingdom of Babylon and of very Antichrist. For who is the man of sin and the son of perdition, but he who by his teaching and his ordinances increases the sin and perdition of souls in the church; while he yet sits in the church as if he were God? All these conditions have now for many ages been fulfilled by the papal tyranny."^[41]

John Calvin similarly wrote,

"Though it be admitted that Rome was once the mother of all Churches, yet from the time when it began to be the seat of Antichrist it has ceased to be what it was before. Some persons think us too severe and censorious when we call the Roman Pontiff Antichrist. But those who are of this opinion do not consider that they bring the same charge of presumption against Paul himself, after whom we speak and whose language we adopt .. I shall briefly show that (Paul's words in II Thess. 2) are not capable of any other interpretation than that which applies them to the Papacy."^[42]

John Knox on the Pope wrote,

"Yea, to speak it in plain words; lest that we submit ourselves to Satan, thinking that we submit ourselves to Jesus Christ, for, as for your Roman kirk, as it is now corrupted, and the authority thereof, whereon stands the hope of your victory, I no more doubt but that it is the synagogue of Satan, and the head thereof, called the pope, to be that man of sin, of whom the apostle speaks."^[43]

Thomas Cranmer on the Antichrist wrote,

"Whereof it followeth Rome to be the seat of Antichrist, and the pope to be very antichrist himself. I could prove the same by many other scriptures, old writers, and strong reasons."^[44]

John Wesley speaking of the identity given in scripture of the Antichrist wrote,

"In many respects, the Pope has an indisputable claim to those titles. He is, in an emphatical sense, the man of sin, as he increases all manner of sin above measure. And he is, too, properly styled, the son of perdition, as he has caused the death of numberless multitudes, both of his opposers and followers, destroyed innumerable souls, and will himself perish everlastingly. He it is that opposeth himself to the emperor, once his rightful sovereign; and that exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped - Commanding angels, and putting kings under his feet, both of whom are called gods in scripture; claiming the highest power, the highest honour; suffering himself, not once only, to be styled God or vice-God. Indeed no less is implied in his ordinary title, "Most Holy Lord," or, "Most Holy Father." So that he sitteth - Enthroned. In the temple of God - Mentioned Rev. xi, 1. Declaring himself that he is God - Claiming the prerogatives which belong to God alone."^[45]

Roger Williams of the Vicar of Christ or Pope wrote,

"the pretended Vicar of Christ on earth, who sits as God over the Temple of God, exalting himself not only above all that is called God, but over the souls and consciences of all his vassals, yea over the Spirit of Christ, over the Holy Spirit, yea, and God himself...speaking against the God of heaven, thinking to change times and laws; but he is the son of perdition."^[46]

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antichrist

Kingdoms Rise...Kingdoms Fall.

Photo by: Ambenalain

Nebuchadnazzar was King of ancient Babylon. At that time, Babylon was the world's dominant kingdom. It's realm covered most of the known world. 

One night, the king had a dream from God. He dreamed of a large statue made up of different metals. The head was gold, the chest silver, the thighs bronze, the legs iron and the feet were made of iron and clay together.

The story of this dream, and the prophet Daniel to whom God gave the interpretation, is found in Daniel chapter 2 of the Bible. Daniel told the king God had sent the dream to show the future. God used Nebuchadnazzar to proclaim to the nations that the God of the Hebrews was the true God. He did this through two proclamations that were sent throughout the kingdom.

Depiction of statue.

God showed the rise and fall of kingdoms through this statue. Daniel told the king that he himself was the head of gold.

Head of gold: Babylon

Chest of silver: Persians/Medes

Thighs of bronze: Greece (Alexander the Great)

Legs of iron: Rome

Feet of iron and clay: Nations of the world. No one nation would rule the world again.

While gazing at the statue, Nebuchadnezzar saw a rock cut out, but not by human hands, strike the iron and clay and smash them to pieces. This rock was God, who will set up his universal kingdom at the end of time.

We are living in the time of iron and clay. There have been mighty nations after the Roman Empire, but none that ruled the entire world. Britain was powerful, Germany tried to rule the world, and now the strongest nation on earth is the United States, with Russia coming in second and China third. They all have the power to destroy the world with their bombs, if they so desire.

United States

Russia

China

Kingdoms rise and kingdoms fall. These kingdoms will also fall one day like all others, and the way the world looks right now it could be soon. But God has told us not to fear what nations do. He says he is the one who sets them up and pulls them down. 

The night Babylon fell, Nebuchadnezzar's grandson, Belshazzar, was king. He gave a large party, inviting all the important people and his wives. As they drank, the king sent for the golden goblets that the Babylonians had taken from the temple of God at Jerusalem. They poured wine in them and then gave toasts to their own gods.

All of a sudden, a hand came into the room and began writing on the wall. 

"Suddenly the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the plaster of the wall, near the lamp stand in the royal palace. The king watched the hand as it wrote. His face turned pale and he was so frightened that his legs became weak and his knees were knocking."   Daniel 5:5,6

No one could understand the writing. The king sent for Daniel and he interpreted the words for the king. 

“Your Majesty, the Most High God gave your father Nebuchadnezzar sovereignty and greatness and glory and splendor. Because of the high position he gave him, all the nations and peoples of every language dreaded and feared him. Those the king wanted to put to death, he put to death; those he wanted to spare, he spared; those he wanted to promote, he promoted; and those he wanted to humble, he humbled. But when his heart became arrogant and hardened with pride, he was deposed from his royal throne and stripped of his glory. He was driven away from people and given the mind of an animal; he lived with the wild donkeys and ate grass like the ox; and his body was drenched with the dew of heaven, until he acknowledged that the Most High God is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and sets over them anyone he wishes.

“But you, Belshazzar, his son, have not humbled yourself, though you knew all this. Instead, you have set yourself up against the Lord of heaven. You had the goblets from his temple brought to you, and you and your nobles, your wives and your concubines drank wine from them. You praised the gods of silver and gold, of bronze, iron, wood and stone, which cannot see or hear or understand. But you did not honor the God who holds in his hand your life and all your ways. Therefore he sent the hand that wrote the inscription.

“This is the inscription that was written:

MENE, MENE, TEKEL, PARSIN

“Here is what these words mean:

Mene : God has numbered the days of your reign and brought it to an end.

Tekel : You have been weighed on the scales and found wanting.

Peres : Your kingdom is divided and given to the Medes and Persians.”

Then at Belshazzar’s command, Daniel was clothed in purple, a gold chain was placed around his neck, and he was proclaimed the third highest ruler in the kingdom.

That very night Belshazzar, king of the Babylonians, was slain, and Darius the Mede took over the kingdom, at the age of sixty-two.ⁱ      Daniel 5:18-30

I believe God weighs each nation on the scales of justice. When evil is rampant, as it was in Sodom, as it was at the flood, then God will act to put a stop to it. God had shown the Babylonians over and over again how powerful and loving he was. Now a new nation would take over, and God would work with them through Daniel to show himself to these new people. 

I see the United States as coming into judgement. For many years, morality has been cast to the ground. Not only cast down, but laughed at. This has become especially apparent when it comes to sex. 

Then there is the opposite side of the pendulum. People who say they are Christians, yet act like they hate those who don't agree with them. There is a middle group. These people go quietly through life believing in God and doing good for others. If they are persecuted, they don't get angry and strike back. They just keep working for the Lord and waiting for his coming.

Some Christians, want to unite Church and State. They think this will mend the country. They think God will be pleased with this and I can understand that. Unfortunately, every time Church and State are united there is persecution of those who don't believe the same. This will happen in the United States if they amend the Constitution in order to pass religious laws.

I'm not sure if there is anything worse than persecuting good people for their religion. That is what they did to Jesus. The church leaders joined with a Roman Governor and nailed him to a cross. He was teaching things the leaders thought were blasphemy, things that put them in a bad light.

After Jesus, they started killing more believers. This happened again in the Dark Ages with the Catholic Church that tortured and burned those who believed differently. Then the Protestants persecuted the Catholics. Quakers were persecuted by other churches. Mormons were persecuted. Now ISIS is killing everyone who won't join their brand of Islam.

What can we do when it feels like the world is falling apart? Trust in God and do good. That's what Jesus did.

Do not fret because of those who are evil

or be envious of those who do wrong;

for like the grass they will soon wither,

like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the Lord and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,

your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord

and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when people succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;

do not fret—it leads only to evil.

For those who are evil will be destroyed,

but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more;

though you look for them, they will not be found.

But the meek will inherit the land

and enjoy peace and prosperity.

The wicked plot against the righteous

and gnash their teeth at them;

but the Lord laughs at the wicked,

for he knows their day is coming.

The wicked draw the sword

and bend the bow

to bring down the poor and needy,

to slay those whose ways are upright.

But their swords will pierce their own hearts,

and their bows will be broken.

Better the little that the righteous have

than the wealth of many wicked;

for the power of the wicked will be broken,

but the Lord upholds the righteous.

The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care,

and their inheritance will endure forever.

In times of disaster they will not wither;

in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

But the wicked will perish:

Though the Lord’s enemies are like the flowers of the field,

they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke.

Psalm 37:1-20

Never Feel Alone.

Photo by,Wolfgang Sauber

Thus says the LORD,

 "Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, 
let not the mighty man boast of his might, 
let not a rich man boast of his riches; 
but let him who boasts boast of this, 
that he understands and knows Me, 
that I am the LORD who exercises loving kindness, justice and righteousness on earth; 
for I delight in these things," declares the LORD.   Jeremiah 9:24

Jesus said, "And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent."   John 17:3

Do you want to know God? If you have never come to him before there is a way to know him. You just ask him to help you get to know him and then read the Bible. He will reveal himself to everyone who asks.

"I will give them a heart to know Me, for I am the LORD; and they will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with their whole heart."   Jeremiah 24:7

Years ago, a blogger, who was considering becoming a Christian, asked her followers, "Are you glad you became a Christian?"  I said, "It was the best decision I've ever made."

There is nothing like knowing you can turn to God about everything in your life. To know the Creator of the universe is interested in you and cares about your day. He cares about your children, your job, your health, your desires and thoughts. He wants to walk and talk with you, share his love and comfort. He wants to fill you with love, confidence and peace. Believing all this may take time, but it will come eventually if you don't give up seeking.

Once you understand God loves and accepts you just as you are, you never feel alone.

If You Do This...That Will Happen. (Not Necessarily.)

Me, walking by the Pacific Ocean when I lived in Vancouver, BC.

I walked one to two hours a day. Loved living there.

I remember when I was in my thirties, forties, and fifties. I was always trying to lose weight. I used to buy women's magazines and each decade they would have a new idea on dieting. The first was having a low-fat diet. If you cut your fat intake down to so many teaspoons a day - you will lose weight. I did it for a year. Try enjoying toast with 1/2 tsp. of butter. I did it, but I never lost a pound.

They would tell us to walk for half an hour to an hour a day and we would lose weight. I did it for years. I did get toned up, but I never lost a pound. They told us to do aerobic exercises for half hour a day. Our metabolism would go up and we would lose weight. I did that by going to a gym, doing step-aerobics and going on the treadmill. I never lost a pound. I did look better though. I looked like I lost 10 pounds, but I didn't!

The one time I did lose weight was when I joined Weight Watchers. They put you on a 1,200 calorie a day diet. I lost weight the first week and every week thereafter. It isn't easy. I was hungry all the time. But that's how it goes if you want to lose weight. Now that I'm old and sick and can't walk far, I gained all that weight back. But at 66, I don't care too much.

I've also read if you have a bad habit, such as drinking Pepsi every day, if you stop it for one to three months your craving for it will go away. I did stop drinking Pepsi one time, I still craved it 2 years later. I don't know where all these health experts come from but they are wrong about a lot of things.

In my Christian life, I've noticed that when Joyce Meyer says if you quote the Bible out loud if you are feeling depressed, peace and joy will come to you. And she says the more you do it, the easier it is to do. The more you fight depressing thoughts with good thoughts from the Bible, the happier you will become. I started doing this regularly about a year and a half ago. I found it to be true.

Because I was sexually and physically abused by my father from a very young age, I have always struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. Some years were better than others, but a crisis could bring on a terrible depression that could last a long time. I think if I had done what Joyce said, all those years ago, I wouldn't have had the trouble I've had. My life would have been happier. I didn't know the power of the Scriptures or the power of God for so many years.

But I'm so happy to have learned God's power personally. I used to wake up each morning wishing I was dead. Now, I wake up happy, knowing God will help me through the day and make me feel good about life. It has been an amazing 18 months of chasing sad thoughts away, amazing because it actually works!

If You Do This...That Will Happen. (Not Necessarily.)

Me, walking by the Pacific Ocean when I lived in Vancouver, BC.

I walked one to two hours a day. Loved living there.

I remember when I was in my thirties, forties, and fifties. I was always trying to lose weight. I used to buy women's magazines and each decade they would have a new idea on dieting. The first was having a low-fat diet. If you cut your fat intake down to so many teaspoons a day - you will lose weight. I did it for a year. Try enjoying toast with 1/2 tsp. of butter. I did it, but I never lost a pound.

They would tell us to walk for half an hour to an hour a day and we would lose weight. I did it for years. I did get toned up, but I never lost a pound. They told us to do aerobic exercises for half hour a day. Our metabolism would go up and we would lose weight. I did that by going to a gym, doing step-aerobics and going on the treadmill. I never lost a pound. I did look better though. I looked like I lost 10 pounds, but I didn't!

The one time I did lose weight was when I joined Weight Watchers. They put you on a 1,200 calorie a day diet. I lost weight the first week and every week thereafter. It isn't easy. I was hungry all the time. But that's how it goes if you want to lose weight. Now that I'm old and sick and can't walk far, I gained all that weight back. But at 66, I don't care too much.

I've also read if you have a bad habit, such as drinking Pepsi every day, if you stop it for one to three months your craving for it will go away. I did stop drinking Pepsi one time, I still craved it 2 years later. I don't know where all these health experts come from but they are wrong about a lot of things.

In my Christian life, I've noticed that when Joyce Meyer says if you quote the Bible out loud if you are feeling depressed, peace and joy will come to you. And she says the more you do it, the easier it is to do. The more you fight depressing thoughts with good thoughts from the Bible, the happier you will become. I started doing this regularly about a year and a half ago. I found it to be true.

Because I was sexually and physically abused by my father from a very young age, I have always struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. Some years were better than others, but a crisis could bring on a terrible depression that could last a long time. I think if I had done what Joyce said, all those years ago, I wouldn't have had the trouble I've had. My life would have been happier. I didn't know the power of the Scriptures or the power of God for so many years.

But I'm so happy to have learned God's power personally. I used to wake up each morning wishing I was dead. Now, I wake up happy, knowing God will help me through the day and make me feel good about life. It has been an amazing 18 months of chasing sad thoughts away, amazing because it actually works!

Small Beginnings in the Mighty Hands of God.

Photo by, Boby Dimitrov

Once, Jesus was a small, little, wee baby. Yet he was God. Mary and Joseph were small people in a big world of famous Romans, Greeks and Jews. Kings would have looked on them as insignificant. Beneath their notice. But they held the Saviour of the world in their hands.

Jesus' ministry started out small. Two followers of John the Baptist turned to Jesus and asked him where he lived. "Come and see," said Jesus. This was the beginning of a church that would go around the whole world even until this day.

When Ezekiel was in a vision he saw something that was a parable of the growth of Christianity:

The man (God) brought me back to the entrance to the temple, and I saw water coming out from under the threshold of the temple toward the east (for the temple faced east). The water was coming down from under the south side of the temple, south of the altar. He then brought me out through the north gate and led me around the outside to the outer gate facing east, and the water was trickling from the south side.

As the man went eastward with a measuring line in his hand, he measured off a thousand cubits and then led me through water that was ankle-deep. He measured off another thousand cubits and led me through water that was knee-deep. He measured off another thousand and led me through water that was up to the waist. He measured off another thousand, but now it was a river that I could not cross, because the water had risen and was deep enough to swim in—a river that no one could cross."

After this, the man (God) showed Ezekiel the result of this living water. Some of these same words are used to describe the city of God in heaven.

Then he led me back to the bank of the river. When I arrived there, I saw a great number of trees on each side of the river. He said to me, “This water flows toward the eastern region and goes down into the Arabah, where it enters the Dead Sea. When it empties into the sea, the salty water there becomes fresh. Swarms of living creatures will live wherever the river flows. There will be large numbers of fish, because this water flows there and makes the salt water fresh; so where the river flows everything will live. Fishermen will stand along the shore; from En Gedi to En Eglaim there will be places for spreading nets. The fish will be of many kinds—like the fish of the Mediterranean Sea. But the swamps and marshes will not become fresh; they will be left for salt. Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear fruit, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing.”

Ezekiel 47:1-11

Jesus said our growth as Christians would be small at first, like a shoot coming out of the ground.

He said, "First a leaf blade pushes through, then the heads of wheat are formed, and finally the grain ripens.  Mark4:28

Water flowing, leaves growing, yeast rising, such are the small steady ways of God. Until a trickle becomes a mighty river and a leaf becomes a tall tree and a lump of dough becomes a loaf of bread.

In this way, we are to become like Jesus. We cannot see ourselves growing; (the seed sprouts and grows, but he does not understand how it happens. Mark 4:27) but if we give our lives to him every day, we are growing.

"Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ."   Ephesians 4:15   

Nightmares.

Every night, for the past year or so, I wake up startled as soon as I fall asleep. I wake up fully alert and hungry. I'm trying not to eat late at night, but tonight I cooked myself eggs and cheese in the hope protein won't pack on the pounds.

I think I know why this happens. All my life I have had nightmares; now, I guess my brain is telling me, "Don't go to sleep. You will have horrible dreams." Thank you, brain. Thanks a lot; you are only making me feel worse. I long for sleep.

The dreams used to be about my father. Dreams like a horror story. Waking up screaming, shaking and terrified. Dreams of a sexual nature. Dreams of him driving me in a bus and looking like a maniac. After therapy, I finally dreamed I was driving the bus and not him. That made me feel good.

The latest dreams are about a woman who is choking a baby or child to keep it quiet. Very upsetting. Sometimes the woman is me, as it was last night. I told my husband there was something around the baby's neck while I was trying to give it a bottle. I couldn't see what it was that was choking her. Sometimes the woman is someone else. I know the dreams mean for me to keep quiet. Don't tell anyone.

The little girl inside me says, "No one loves you." The teenager inside me says, "No one loves you." But the adult now says, "God loves me, my husband loves me, my children love me, my grandchildren love me and my mother, who is still alive at 89, loves me. But the adult has a hard time controlling the young ones. They don't listen to me. They don't believe me.

Why am I writing about this? I don't know. I probably want pity. Maybe though, I think it might be that I can't tell many people about this; it would just upset them. My family doesn't read my blog, so I can say anything here and get it off my chest. Yes, I tell my husband my dreams, but it doesn't seem enough. I want someone to understand what I go through every single day of my life. How I have to fight to want to even live in this world.

God has given me the will to fight. I quote scripture when I feel bad and I am immediately helped. I can then go through the day with some joy. Sometimes lots of joy, praise God. If I didn't have God, I'd have nothing. He, "gives me songs in the night." He gives me hope. He is, "the God of all hope." He gives me strength, "God is the strength of my life."

My Jar is a Bit Cracked.

Photo by Mervat Salman

"For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."   2 Corinthians 4:6,7

I was feeling discouraged about myself the other day. When I fail to act like Jesus, I feel sad and guilty. I don't think God wants me to feel that way. As soon as I ask him to forgive me, I should believe it and move on. But when I've made a few boo-boos in a row, that's when I get down on myself. 

I opened my mail, and this verse was the verse of the day. "We have this treasure in clay jars..." The treasure is salvation through Jesus and we hold this beautiful truth in our hearts - we are the clay jars. Clay jars are not strong; they can be easily broken. They are not bejeweled treasure chests. I went to Bible Hub to study this and found some sermon notes by J.R. Thomson. Here are a few excerpts:

http://biblehub.com/sermons/auth/thomson/spiritual_treasure.htm

 "As Eastern kings stored their gold, silver, and jewels in earthen jars, so a plain casket may hold a costly jewel, a miry soil may yield an abundant crop, a battered ship may carry a precious freight, a lamp of clay may give a brilliant light, a mean book as to appearance may contain noble thoughts. So it is no objection against the gospel that those who preach it are in many respects unworthy of an office so dignified."

"To what purpose was this arrangement which the apostle here describes? He himself gives the true reason." 
1. That all Christian labourers may feel their littleness and their weakness. 
2. That they may recognize the exceeding greatness of the spiritual power of God. 
3. That they may give Heaven the glory, alike for what they receive and for what they impart. - T. 

The Bible says, "Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way." James3:2  What I need to remember is to take my eyes off myself and look to Jesus. You can't get discouraged when you do that!

Meditation and the Bible.

I was reading a sermon by J.H. Jowett. It was on how to know the mind of Christ through the Bible. Here are some excerpts:

Psalm 1:2"But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law does he meditate day and night."

"He shall be like a tree planted by rivers of water." Who shall? He whose delight is in the law of the Lord. His life shall be rooted in the richest of soils; he shall never lack resources; his soul shall delight itself in fatness. But what is "the law of the Lord"? 

"All the law is fulfilled in one word — thou shalt love." Love is the essence of law. He who delights in love and loving shall be like a tree planted by rivers of water.

Love is the only element in which He works, but it is prepared in different ways. At one time love is very tender, to woo a tender blade; again it is very fierce, to burn a stubborn weed. It reveals itself in different ways to suit men's different needs. If, then, I would know how love should work I must study the mind of Christ, and meditate thereon both night and day. To delight in the law of the Lord is to live as devoted students in the mind of Christ. That mind is opened out for us in the gospels. It is revealed to us how His love disposed itself in very varied circumstances and to very different needs.

We live in an age of mental haste and gallop. Impressions are abundant; convictions are scarce. I tell you, we know almost nothing of the moral and spiritual loveliness of our Jesus, almost nothing of the mind of Christ, because we do not hold ourselves before it in lingering meditation. Why don't we? Why are we not devoted students of these pictures of the mind of Christ? Let us be frank with ourselves. Is not Bible studying wearying and wearisome? To how many of us is it a delight? It is because so many put the virtue in the reading itself. We think when we have read a chapter we have discharged a duty. People open their Bibles, and read a few verses, and close them, and think that by their reading they have pleased God. 

 My text declares that those who live in continual meditation upon the ways of the Lord shall be in a rich rootage. They shall be like trees planted by rivers of water. They shall have vast resources. Are we all planted there? If we are rooted elsewhere our life will be stunted and unhealthy.

You can read the whole sermon here:
http://biblehub.com/sermons/auth/jowett/meditative_bible_reading.htm

I have been trying to meditate on God's word instead of just reading it. I think reading the Bible is good too; but meditating is more helpful. I read less, but think on it more. I try to remember what I read during the day. I pray over whatever I read. I picture the story or Jesus speaking the words. I like meditating. It is actually fun.