The Melt-Down of a Christian.

From the end of the earth, I will call to you, when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

For You have been a refuge for me, A tower of strength against the enemy.

Let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. 

Psalm 61:2-4

Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; My heart is appalled within me.

I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Your doings; I muse on the work of Your hands.

I stretch out my hands to You; My soul longs for You, as a parched land. 

Psalm 146:3-6

For the first time in a very long time, today I was thinking about death with longing in my heart. I looked at the sunset, and wished I never had to see another one. These are familiar thoughts for me, but because of Joyce Meyer's teachings, I haven't had them for a long time. 

My heart has been overwhelmed this week. As the Psalmist said, my heart has been appalled within me. So, I began looking up Scripture, like the two verses above. I quoted Scripture, and remembered how God had helped me through these things in the past, and I felt at peace. 

When my emotions had calmed down, I talked with God about how I never seem to get used to the fact I live in a fallen, sinful world where people die and get hurt; I'm continually shocked when I read the newspaper at how horrible this world can be. How many years do I have to live here before life doesn't shock or depress me? 

My family is going through some trials right now. I don't mind going through trials myself, (well, I do) but I loathe seeing anyone else suffering. It feels like my heart is breaking. Right now, my sweet sister-in-law of my sister Liz, has been told her cancerous tumor has shrunk, but it is still at stage 4, which is terminal. 

My niece was injured at work last week. She works for a TV show doing hair and make-up. She was loading the truck with her stuff when the driver lurched forward. Her arm was stuck and it was pulled and wrenched and she can't use it now. I hope it will heal completely, but who knows?

Yesterday, my granddaughter's kneecap was pulled sideways out of its socket. She was screaming in pain and the paramedics had to knock her out to get her into the ambulance. They gave her pain pills that put her in a delirium. She thought she was in Interstellar with Matthew Mcconaughy.  Then she came out of it, they wrapped her knee and she went home. Later she had a panic attack and had to go back to the hospital. She is scared stiff the knee will come out again. They put a splint on it. She can't move for a week. She is coming to my place for me to take care of while her boyfriend is at work.

My youngest daughter had to move to Lethbridge, Alberta from Princeton, BC in JANUARY- in CANADA!  If you live in Canada, you know what that can mean. Well, the weather was good until the last two hours when a blizzard hit. She couldn't see the sides of the road through the mountains. She was following her husband's car and she felt he was going too fast so she just broke down and sobbed and sobbed while driving until they reached Lethbridge. At least she made it, but I worry about her poor psyche.

My grandson is still trying to get off drugs and is having a terrible time. He went to rehab, left and now had decided to take a drug at a drug clinic that may help him get off his drugs. His mom has been staying with him for the last month, trying to help him cut back, get clean etc. She looks like she has been through hell - and she has. I went with her to his place when he was in rehab for a day and a night. There are cigarette burns everywhere - all over his new sofa, all over his bed and on the new carpet. I was horrified, and wondered why the place hadn't gone up in flames by now. I guess I can thank God and fire-retardant chemicals for that. His mom told me when he is doing his drug of choice he falls asleep when he is smoking.

My husband has bones rubbing together and has to have back surgery soon. I have fibromyalgia every day and I've had a horrible cold for two weeks and have had to sit up to sleep for a week. One of my daughters needs money and we have none to give her. My mom lives with us and is extremely weak and frail.

There. I could go on, but I'll spare you if you have made it down the page this far. Yes, I feel overwhelmed and my heart hurts.

Thinking of how God has helped me in the past, I remember he saw me through the death of my other grandson, he gave me strength to take care of my mother when she was much sicker than she is now, he was with me through my husband's cancer and subsequent illnesses, he has helped me with fibromyalgia.

God has led me to the rock that is higher than I - Jesus. I look at his courage and his steadfast life with his Father and I know he can help me. He was assailed from many directions but he kept his peace. I can't see Jesus running around wondering what to do. No, he wasn't like that.

Jesus did feel overwhelmed in the garden of Gethsemane. God sent an angel to strengthen him, and God does that for us today. And he himself stands beside us to give us hope and strength. The Bible says he holds us by our right hand.  

"For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.'"  Isaiah 41:13

One thing God brought to my mind this morning,is to live one day at a time. I should not look ahead to wonder how well I can look after Hope or how long my sweet sister Heather will live. Jesus told us, "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:34

A Slow Burn.

I had never heard of Francois Fenelon (1651- 1715) until last week. He was an archbishop in the Catholic Church. I came across a letter he had written to a close friend. I immediately related to its content. For years I used to wonder why God didn't make me good/perfect as soon as I gave my life to him. I thought my obedience was important to God and I wanted to be good/perfect, so why wouldn't he do it?

Eventually, I learned from the Bible that our growth in Christ is a slow growth. Jesus said, "First a leaf blade pushes through, then the heads of wheat are formed, and finally the grain ripens."  Mark 4:26

 I concluded that perfect obedience was not as important to God as it was to me. Or, perfect obedience must come through learning and learning takes time.  

I think the reason I wanted to be perfect is so I could be sure of going to heaven. I thought if I sinned I might not be able to go. I had a lot to learn about God and Salvation.

Here is the letter:

"Do you wonder why God has to make it so hard on you? Why doesn’t He make you good without making you miserable in the meantime? Of course He could, but He does not choose to do so. He wants you to grow a little at a time and not burst into instant maturity. This is what He has decided and you can only adore His wisdom— even when you don’t understand it.

I am awed by what suffering can produce. You and I are nothing without the cross. I agonize and cry when the cross is working within me, but when it is over I look back in admiration for what God has accomplished. Of course I am then ashamed that I bore it so poorly. I have learned so much from my foolish reactions.

You yourself must endure the painful process of change. There is much more at work here than your instant maturity. God wants to build a relationship with you that is based on faith and trust and not on glamorous miracles.

God uses the disappointments, disillusionments, and failures of your life to take your trust away from yourself and help you put your trust in Him. It is like being burned in a slow fire, but you would rather be burned up in a blaze of glory, wouldn’t you? How would this fast burn detach you from yourself? Thus God prepares events to detach you from yourself and from others.

God is your Father, do you think He would ever hurt you? He just cuts you off from those things you love in the wrong way. You cry like a baby when God removes something or someone from your life, but you would cry a lot more if you saw the eternal harm your wrong attachments cause you.

You do not see with the eyes of eternity. God knows everything. Nothing happens without His consent. You are upset by small losses, but do not see eternal gains! Don’t dwell on your suffering. Your over-sensitivity makes your trials worse. Abandon yourself to God.

Everything in you that is not already a part of the established kingdom of God needs the cross. When you accept the cross in love, His kingdom begins to come to life within you. You must bear the cross and be satisfied with what pleases God. You have need of the cross. The faithful Giver of every good gift gives the cross to you with His own hand. I pray you will come to see how blessed it is to be corrected for your own good.

My God, help us to see Jesus as our model in all suffering. You nailed Him to the cross for us. You made Him a man of sorrows to teach us how useful sorrow is. Give us a heart to turn our backs on ourselves and trust only in You."

Shall I Wring My Hands, Cry with Fear, or Trust God?

Photograph: Luis García (Zaqarbal), 

In ancient Judah there was a king named Jehoshaphat. Unlike some kings before him, he believed in God. One day 3 kings from 3 other countries decided to join together to war against Jehoshaophat, take his city and country and share the riches.

Jehoshaphat called all the people together to the city and the temple of God. He prayed about their situation and ended his prayer with, "Our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

After the prayer, a prophet named Jahaziel told everyone God had heard their prayers, he said:

“Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s."

"Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel.

"You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’ ”

The ending to this story will be the ending of our life stories if we praise God and wait for him to fight our battles and to defend us from our enemies.

As they set out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the Lord your God and you will be upheld; have faith in his prophets and you will be successful.” After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying:

“Give thanks to the Lord,

for his love endures forever.”

As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated. The Ammonites and Moabites rose up against the men from Mount Seir to destroy and annihilate them. After they finished slaughtering the men from Seir, they helped to destroy one another.

When the men of Judah came to the place that overlooks the desert and looked toward the vast army, they saw only dead bodies lying on the ground; no one had escaped. So Jehoshaphat and his men went to carry off their plunder, and they found among them a great amount of equipment and clothing and also articles of value—more than they could take away. There was so much plunder that it took three days to collect it. On the fourth day they assembled in the Valley of Berakah, where they praised the Lord. This is why it is called the Valley of Berakah to this day.

Then, led by Jehoshaphat, all the men of Judah and Jerusalem returned joyfully to Jerusalem, for the Lord had given them cause to rejoice over their enemies. They entered Jerusalem and went to the temple of the Lord with harps and lyres and trumpets.

The fear of God came on all the surrounding kingdoms when they heard how the Lord had fought against the enemies of Israel. And the kingdom of Jehoshaphat was at peace, for his God had given him rest on every side."

The key lesson is trust God and praise him as you are trusting. This is all God asked of the king and his people. Don't wring your hands and wonder why God is letting this thing happen to you. I used to do that and there is no good in it. Trusting and praising God brings power, peace and happiness.  

God and Our Hearts.

The following verse was written about Jesus.

"And He will delight in the fear of the LORD, And He will not judge by what His eyes see, Nor make a decision by what His ears hear; But with righteousness He will judge the poor, And decide with fairness for the afflicted of the earth..."  Isaiah 11:3,4

Most of us judge a person by what they do and what they say. Some of us think we are great judges of character, but honestly, we're not. We simply don't have enough information.

"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."  1 Samuel 16:7  

God judges by seeing a person's heart. What is their intent? What childhood and background did this person have and how did it affect his actions and thoughts? 

I've written about my grandson, Craig, who died one night after drinking too much. He also had a trace of cocaine in his system. He lay face down on a sofa and smothered. He was 21, and a young man full of emotional pain. 

I have said I believe my grandson was saved by Jesus because in his heart he wanted to live better. He wanted to tell teens at high schools not to go on drugs, even though he was doing them himself. He told his brother he wanted to one day have a wife and kids and he wanted the same for his brother so they could always be close and their children grow up together. He was attracted to what was good.

 At his funeral, we were amazed by how many people he helped in his short life. People came who had been in elementary school with him and told us of how Craig had helped them - with school work and also coping with life.

But there was a dark side to Craig, his pain also made him lash out at people. He did some really bad things. He told me once, "I regret so many things I did."  But the problem was, he kept doing them.

Well, the point of me writing this is that one day this year, I was on a Christian site and a man there took a dislike to me. (How is that possible?) lol  He read my post on Craig and came back to the Christian site and said, "This woman believes drug addicts will be saved!"   

The church I grew up in would probably say that a drug addict would have to change before he could be saved. But since our standing with God is not by our works but by our belief in him, I do believe people who are doing wrong will be saved because as the Scriptures say, God looks on the heart. It is our heart we will take to heaven with us when Jesus comes. If our heart loves what is good, (even if we can't do it) we will be very happy in heaven where all is good and beautiful. 

My grandson had a friend who wore spikes around his neck and arms and was pierced on his face. He wore black all the time and I guess some people would be afraid of him. But he was one of Craig's nicest friends. His father was a Hell's Angel and had beaten him all his childhood. All of Craig's friends either had no fathers or mean ones. When you see a young person who looks scary, remember that God sees his childhood and his heart. 

Let's not judge people by what they do, what they look like or what they say. Let's leave all judging to God. Only he is wise enough to judge a human heart.

Why Did God Send A Flood?

I've heard some people say they think it was awful for God to send a flood and kill all those people. I've heard the same about Sodom too. I've always accepted God's judgement on those people because I know he is wise, loving and just.  Personally, I wouldn't want to live next door to Sodom and I doubt you would either if you read the story. (It isn't about gay people; it's about rape and murder.)

As I was reading Genesis along with a Bible Commentary, I found out there are those who say it may be that God foresaw the inhabitants of the world killing each other off; that their death was inevitable. The original Hebrew could mean that.

The Bible says, "Then God said to Noah, "The end of all flesh has come before Me; for the earth is filled with violence because of them; and behold, I am about to destroy them with the earth."

Pulpit Commentary

"...while a third, that the end spoken of is the issue to which the moral corruption of the world was inevitably tending (Keil, Lange), does not materially differ from the first."

"has come before me" ...is in the contemplation of my mind as an event soon to be realized" (Murphy), with perhaps a glance at the circumstance that man s ruin had not been sought by God, but, as it were, had thrust itself upon his notice as a thing that could no longer be delayed.

There was one man on earth who was not evil and violent: Noah. If God had not intervened, perhaps the violent people of the earth would have killed him and his family and then each other.

"The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time."

Genesis 6:5

Thank God we cannot say that of the world today. There are many people filled with the Spirit of God yet in the world; there are many people who have not given themselves over to evil completely.

I do see this similarity between now and Noah's day: violence. Violence is filling the world more and more, or at least it seems so. But there is also something new: global warming. The Bible speaks of days of immense heat. Are we going to destroy ourselves as the antedeluvians were going to destroy themselves through violence?

This is written about in Isaiah:


 The earth mourns and withers, the world fades and withers, the exalted of the people of the earth fade away. The earth is also polluted by its inhabitants, for they transgressed laws, violated statutes, broke the everlasting covenant. Therefore, a curse devours the earth, and those who live in it are held guilty. Therefore, the inhabitants of the earth are burned, and few men are left.   Isaiah 24:4-6

"Lift up your eyes to the sky, Then look to the earth beneath; For the sky will vanish like smoke, And the earth will wear out like a garment And its inhabitants will die in like manner; But My salvation will be forever, And My righteousness will not wane." 

Isaiah 5:16

"The fourth angel poured out his bowl upon the sun, 

and it was given to it to scorch men with fire."   Rev.16:8

One of the last plagues on earth is the sun burning people. God won't be doing it to us, it will be the result of losing the layers above the earth that protect us. It will be the result of the sin of polluting the earth.

What did Jesus say about this time:

"For then there will be a great tribulation, such as has not occurred since the beginning of the world until now, nor ever will. Unless those days had been cut short, no life would have been saved; but for the sake of the elect those days will be cut short."   Matthew 24:21,22

"And the nations were enraged, and Your wrath came, and the time came for the dead to be judged, and the time to reward Your bond-servants the prophets and the saints and those who fear Your name, the small and the great, and to destroy those who destroy the earth.   Rev. 11:18

"Of old You founded the earth, And the heavens are the work of Your hands.

Even they will perish, but You endure; And all of them will wear out like a garment; Like clothing You will change them and they will be changed.   Psalm 102:25

We are now destroying the entire world with our pollution. Our only hope is in God, who will change our hearts into a heart like his: forgiving, loving, giving and compassionate. Our only hope for a new life in heaven is to give our life to Him who made us and died for us. 

“Then will appear the sign of the Son of Man in heaven. 

And then all the peoples of the earth will mourn when they see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven, with power and great glory.  

And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.   Mathew 24:30,31

We may die before Jesus comes for us; or we may be alive when he comes to save us from a dying planet. We don't know, but we can know him who knows everything and trust him as he leads us. We can find peace and shelter under the shadow of his wings.

Therapy with God.

"For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace."   Isaiah 9:6

This has been a difficult week for our family. My cousin's husband died in a car crash and a loved member of our family is detoxing from heroin. I didn't even know he smoked heroin. I didn't know a person could smoke heroin. I thought you had to inject it. Apparently not.

Needless to say I've been filled with sorrow about both these things. The man who died was around 55 years old. He and my cousin had a wonderful, Christian marriage. They did everything together after their daughter grew up and moved out. They loved to travel and went to Australia, Europe and Alaska. They were going to go to Arizona after Christmas.

The family member on heroin is a young man we all love. He lost his brother 5 years ago, and began using heroin on the anniversary of his death in September. He refuses to go to counseling, which would help him learn to cope with losing his brother, so what can we do? He refuses to go to Narcotics Anonymous and rehab, so his mother moved in with him this week while she weans him off heroin.

I have been praying for everyone and for myself so I won't slide into a depression. But I couldn't sleep all night after hearing all this. I didn't ask God to help me sleep. I just prayed for help for everyone, but I didn't go into detail.

I was feeling pretty grim the next day, and knew I had to do something. I realized I shouldn't just pray regular prayers; I should talk with God about everything in detail so I did. I could feel the weight lift from my heart as I shared my thoughts and feelings.

 I talked with him about my sleep patterns too and how they upset me, because I hadn't been talking with him about that. I've been understanding more and more how I just need to talk with God. Talk, not pray, just talk.

Talking is what you do in Therapy. I always learned something new about myself and my life in therapy, just by talking. I also felt better after a therapy session. I could see the way I should go more clearly.

Isaiah wrote that God is our Mighty Counselor.
I believe it.

He also called him the Prince of Peace.
Yes, he is.

"You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory."  Psalm 73:24

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you."   Psalm 32:8

I must add to this post that when my youngest daughter heard about the young man in our family, she was feeling very sad. She was on her computer, went to look at Pinterest, and on the first page she opened she saw this:

God is fighting for us and our families.

An Apple Tree and A Lily.

Photo by:  Sarah Stierch Sarah Stierch (CC BY 4.0)

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Marker-Miller_Orchards_B.jpg

The Song of Solomon is a song of being in love. The man in the story represents God or Jesus. The woman represents those who believe in him. I think the main idea is that we should fall in love with Jesus, that we should be infatuated with him so that he is constantly in our thoughts.

The woman in love says, "Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, So is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, And his fruit was sweet to my taste."   

I've walked through many forests in Canada. If I had ever seen an apple tree, covered in apples, in the midst of a forest, I would have gasped. I would have felt happy and excited; I would have run up to it, picked an apple and sat down under its branches to eat, just like this woman says.

Trees of the forest are wild things. If you needed to eat in the forest you would have to know your mushrooms, roots and bugs. There isn't much edible there. These are not trees that give nourishment to humans. 

But an apple tree? It is different than all the other trees in the forest. Just as Jesus is different than all the men in the world. He nourishes us and his fruit (love, joy, peace, gentleness, kindness) is sweet to our taste. 

What does Jesus say we are like?  "Like a lily among the thorns, So is my darling among the maidens."   Solomon 2:2

He sees us as a beautiful lily that is surrounded by thorns. I found this so interesting. Those who love God, or are wanting to love him, are in a world of strife, sin and chaos. We can be hurt by the thorns of those who don't know God. We are in a precarious state, but as Jesus said, "In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."   John 16:33

An apple tree in a forest and a lily among thorns are things that stand out. They are beautiful; they are different; they are our God and they are us.