Do You Trust People?

 

Statue de Jésus assis au milieu de deux enfants, en Virginie

https://pixabay.com/fr/users/ariyandhamma-5933786/

“Now when he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many believed in his name when they saw the signs that he was doing. But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.”  John 2:23-25

Jesus knew better than to trust in man because he knew what their hearts were like. We don’t, and some or most of us tend towards trust. We go to friends and family members for comfort and understanding, and many times we are treated coldly, told of our faults and misunderstood. Sometimes our search for comfort cuts deeper than the scars we already have, leaving us devastated.

We must not let this treatment lead us into despair. We must realize how people are wired. They are not wired to be our therapist. They are not strong enough for us to lean on. They are not wise like Solomon. They are just human beings encumbered by their past, their hang-ups and prejudices.

Lately, I’ve felt really sad and discouraged, mainly because of my fibromyalgia. I’ve been quite sick and weak and I am tired of feeling sick and weak. I’ve been ill for almost 30 years. I’m tired of my mental illness, which I’ve had for the same amount of time. I’m tired of my loneliness, and feelings of inadequacy.

There are other problems I have and I sometimes feel a great need for comfort from someone. But the ones I love so much are going through hard times too, and as I have learned about marriage these years, I cannot expect from people what I feel I need so desperately. I told the Lord, “I know I can only receive true comfort and strength from you. You always come through for me, every time. Help me to stop trying to find this great comfort anywhere else but in your arms.”

Expectations of others is a poison. It can turn your heart from them and they wouldn’t even know why. They are not here to fulfill my needs. They are not here to read my mind and try to make me feel good. My family has had a lot of pain and it’s hard to help each other when we are all so damaged. We are also a happy family. We laugh all the time, but there is in all of us an undercurrent of darkness or a sort of flatness since we lost my two grandsons. It is described in the Bible as having lost the light in one’s eyes.

When Job lost all ten of his children, three of his friends came to console him, but they only made him feel worse. They told him God would not let something like this happen to a man who was a believer. They told him he must have sinned.

Job said, “I have heard many things like these; miserable comforters are you all.

Is there no end to your long-winded speeches?

What provokes you to continue testifying?

I could also speak like you

if you were in my place;

I could heap up words against you

and shake my head at you.

But I would encourage you with my mouth,

and the consolation of my lips would bring relief.”   Job 16:1-5

 

When David was in trouble with King Saul, and his friends turned against him, he wrote,

“For it is not an enemy who insults me;

that I could endure.

It is not a foe who rises against me;

from him I could hide.

But it is you, a man like myself,

my companion and close friend.

We shared sweet fellowship together;

we walked with the crowd into the house of God.”

Psalm 55:12-14

 

These things are very painful and as believers in God we have to deal with these experiences with the love of Jesus. He loved his disciples even when they continually misunderstood him and then deserted him. He didn’t give up on them. He did rebuke them but also forgave them and wanted them to keep following him. He is our perfect example. He will take us by our right hand and lead us forward on the everlasting path to himself.

 

 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”  Matthew 5:3,4

 

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, then we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”  2 Corinthians 1:4         

 

“But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming but also by the comfort with which he was comforted by you, as he told us of your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced still more.”  2 Corinthians 7:6,7

 

“Though You have shown me many troubles and misfortunes,

You will revive me once again.

Even from the depths of the earth

You will bring me back up.

You will increase my honor

and comfort me once again.”   Psalm 71:20,21

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Broken Parts of Our Lives.

 

Painting by Belle Unruh

The Broken Parts of Our Lives.

When I look back on the events in my life that broke my heart, I can see how grief has changed me. The pain in other people’s lives made me want to listen to and help them. My own pain taught me lessons, like how a parent feels when a child rebels and enters into a self-destructive life, and how one feels when someone they love has died. I understand the pain of divorce and mental illness. My heart goes out to those who are suffering and has led me to donate to charities.

Having gone through poverty and a few months of homelessness, I look with pity on people who wander the streets and go through garbage cans. I have a deep desire to give to the poor. Without my own suffering, I probably would have gone on as I did when I was young, happy and carefree, not giving a thought to those who are hurting.

I have seen images of broken pottery being compared to our lives and the caption is usually something like this: “God shines best through our broken spaces.” I decided to paint this image. When I sent a photo of my painting to a friend, he wrote a letter back and told me his story of a broken urn. I want to share this with everyone.

“Around 20 years ago, my wife’s brother was helping us carry items into the house from the cargo bay of our SUV. We had been shopping at a Target Store and had purchased a very large painted ceramic urn that we wanted to use as a decorative indoor accent. We had a hand truck (dolly), but her brother, being a macho man, insisted that he could bear hug the urn and carry it in by himself. We reluctantly agreed to let him do it.  He was 10 feet from where we wanted the urn positioned when he lost his grip and it fell to the floor and shattered.  At first, we thought the urn was a total loss, but it was so expensive that my wife wanted to see if she could salvage it.   Fortunately, most of the pieces were large, enabling her to "work the jigsaw puzzle" and glue them back together. When she finished, we were amazed at the result.

The urn wound up having more character and looking more interesting and beautiful than it was before it was broken. It was "perfectly imperfect." The glue bulged from the cracks a little and turned a tan color, making it appear that the urn was draped in rope.  We have had the urn proudly displayed in our family room ever since with an artificial palm tree inside it. It is a conversation starter. Visitors notice it immediately and remark how lovely it is. They don't believe it when we tell them how it "came together" by accident.”

I believe God allows pain in our lives to make us into better people. Unfortunately, we don’t learn much from a wonderful day at Disneyland. I know death, pain and suffering are a result of sin and come from Satan and everyone shares in that pain. We were given no choice to be born into a fallen world, but God gives us each a chance to follow him. If we do, instead of anger and bitterness at our lot, learning of God’s love for us and the world will melt our hearts and we can learn good from evil.  God’s rescue plan is vast, he has many ways of reaching out to us, and not all of them involve pain. In fact, it was the birth of my first daughter that made me turn my face towards God. I wanted to be a good mother and knew I couldn’t do it without him.

There is a wonderful chapter in the Book of Psalms. It shows in detail how God draws people to himself. I hope you will take the time to read it. Each example of people in terrible trouble ends in praise to God. I’ve shortened the chapter:

Psalm 107

Some wandered in desert wastes,
finding no way to a city to dwell in;
hungry and thirsty,
their soul fainted within them.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way
till they reached a city to dwell in.

Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death,
prisoners in affliction and in irons,
for they had rebelled against the words of God,
and spurned the counsel of the Most High.
So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor;
they fell down, with none to help.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
and burst their bonds apart.

Some were fools through their sinful ways,
and because of their iniquities suffered affliction;
they loathed any kind of food,
and they drew near to the gates of death.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them,
and delivered them from their destruction.

Some went down to the sea in ships,
doing business on the great waters;
they saw the deeds of the LORD,
his wondrous works in the deep.
For he commanded and raised the stormy wind,
which lifted up the waves of the sea.
They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths;
their courage melted away in their evil plight;
they reeled and staggered like drunken men
and were at their wits’ end.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still,
and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet,
and he brought them to their desired haven.

Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving,
and tell of his deeds in songs of joy!

Don't Refuse God's Comfort.

“A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and loud lamentation, Rachel weeping for her children; she refused to be comforted, because they are no more.” 

Matthew 2:18

This verse is also found in Jeremiah. Matthew says it was the fulfillment of a prophecy of when Herod killed the little children in Bethlehem, after hearing of the birth of Jesus, “the king of the Jews.” He wanted to make sure there was no king but him.

The mothers of these children refused to be comforted.

I don’t remember what book I read where the author quoted this and said they could have been comforted by God, but refused.

I’d never thought about what that verse meant, besides a great sorrow. The author said we must allow God to comfort us because if we don’t, sin will follow. I believe he is right.

Right now, in my family, there is a lot of sorrow and grief. My youngest sister’s friend is dying of cervical cancer, my daughter’s mother-in-law is in the hospital with lung cancer, my older sister’s son committed suicide last fall, my grandson is suffering from depression, my mother has colon cancer, my youngest granddaughter has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is in great mental pain, which is giving her mother deep emotional pain.

If we don’t allow God to comfort us and walk through this with us, we will start asking, “Why us?”  “Why me?”  We could become bitter and angry. We could begin to blame and hate God, who has allowed all this to happen and put us in such a terrible world.

Yesterday, when I heard my granddaughter was feeling worse, I felt so burdened and sad. I remembered this verse and told God I wanted his comfort. I needed his comfort. I receive his comfort by prayer, reading the Psalms and remembering what Jesus suffered.

This I know, God has not asked us to go through anything he has not gone through.

“For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.”  2 Corinthians 1:5

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”  Romans 8:17

“But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.”  1 Peter 4:13

“I want to know Christ--yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” 

Philippians 3:10

“…and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.”

2 Corinthians 1:7

The Comfort of the Psalms.

I have written before about how my mother was diagnosed with 90% chance of colon cancer. There is something there, but they didn't want to do a biopsy because she is 90 and it is painful. Even if they did find out for sure, the operation to remove it is too much for her.

So, last week a palliative nurse came by to interview Mom and myself. She was very kind and helpful. My mom keeps forgetting her diagnosis and had to be reminded. As soon as my mother has any pain, I am supposed to call these nurses and they come right over to give my mother drugs and help out with anything else. It is good to know they will be here.

We saw Mom's regular doctor and she has set Mom up with a hospice home, just in case she gets too much pain. Mom will then go to live there until the end. I do love how our government takes care of all this. The hospice care will only be $37 a day. The nurse visits are free. The doctor said they will not let Mother die in pain.

Mom hasn't had any blockage or pain since the first time when she went to emergency. I'm very happy about that. At first she slept most of the day and night, and I just let her. The hospital never let her sleep a lot and neither did the rehab center. After a few weeks of only being awake 4 or 5 hours, she now gets up more often and stays awake for hours. She is doing very well and is happy. I'm so glad God gave us this nice time together.

The last few weeks, I've had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. I'm sure you all know how frustrating that can be, not to mention I was getting more tired. I took half a sleeping pill for two nights this week. It was nice to sleep, but they do make me feel groggy and just yucky. Last night, I didn't take any and didn't get to sleep until 6am.

I don't feel I am worrying about Mom, I think it is just having it in my mind that I do not know when or what is going to happen. Then there are the other members of my family that I think about. Also, I have nightmares, not about my father anymore, but about my family suffering. This means I'm kind of scared to fall asleep because of the dreams.

I used to worry about my family so much I would cry and feel terrified. I am no longer that way. I do trust God completely when it comes to them. I know he loves them even more than I do. I know he is working for them because I have asked him to.

This morning, well 1pm when I woke up, I talked with God about it some more and opened my Bible. I always am encouraged by the Psalms, so I went there. God encouraged me through his words, and I'm so thankful. Later on, I saw an ad about older people who have Parkinson's Disease. I thought that it would be awful if Mom had that. I thought about what other people have to deal with. I felt comforted by God that dying is just a part of this life and he is here with me through it all.
These are the verses I read this morning:

Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy;

in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.

Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you.

(When the Psalms speak of an enemy, I think of Satan as the enemy who tries to discourage me.)

The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground;

he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead.

So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.

(Often I think of what God has done for me and what he has done in the Bible.)

I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails.

Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in you.

Teach me to do your will for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.
Psalm 143

God Inside Our Grief.

Yesterday morning, I was thinking about my grandson, Criag, who died 6 years ago at age 21. We all think of him around this time of year. October is Thanksgiving in Canada. Craig loved Thanksgiving, because he loved turkey. He once asked his mom why they didn’t make all turkeys to be dark meat. We would play games after a terrific meal, and he loved games. His favorite was Gestures. We had to act things out, like Charades, and we would all be laughing long and loud.

November 20^th is Craig’s birthday. His mom went and stayed with his brother, Jordan, for the weekend. Jordan misses Craig terribly. They were inseparable as they grew up. Jordan was like a puppy following Craig around, doing everything he did. They loved scooters, hockey, swimming, bike tricks, paint ball and skate boarding.

I was thinking of Craig yesterday morning. Usually, when I think of him, I am okay. I think of how I will see him in heaven. But yesterday, I just felt pain at the thought of his death – pain in my heart and soul. I said to God, “Oh Lord, pour your peace over my pain.”  Immediately, I felt the pain leave and had peace. My body felt relaxed and I was thankful.

These verses from the Bible, which I read last night before going to sleep, describe what God does for me and for those who ask him.

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.”     Psalm 34:17-19

“I sought the Lord, and he heard me and delivered me from all my fears. They looked to him and were radiant; their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried out and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear him and delivers them.”  Psalm 34:4-7

Pictures of Craig and Jordan.

Lazy Eye.

Hi Everyone, I saw my eye surgeon and I am seeing double because I have a, “lazy eye,” along with the cataract. Apparently, my left eye cannot keep up with my right eye. It lags behind. Lol  It is kind of disconcerting to see cars on top of each other – the same car, I mean.

This is a photo by the Marine Corps. This is a bit like double vision, but it isn't quite so faded in the background.

I’m very happy it wasn’t a mini-stroke. But I’m still going to continue taking a low-dose aspirin every day. Old people like me are supposed to do that; so says the teeny-bopper-emergency doctor.

My mom is in the rehabilitation facility again, but she is refusing to exercise. She says all she wants to do is stay in bed and sleep. I’m afraid she is depressed, but I have to admire her spunk in saying a big "No" every time they try to get her to exercise. I don’t blame her at all. She is 90 yrs. old and just wants to rest. I think she will be booted out soon for insubordination. Lol

Well, if she is, she will go to live in a beautiful nursing home and I'll be there almost every day, just like now. I really enjoy visiting her.

I asked her nurse to get her a psych consult to see if they can help her with depression. She is eating, but not much. I read to her and buy her chocolate bars,  and she likes that. I actually got her to go outside for a “wheelchair bocce” game today.  She wouldn’t play, but she did say she enjoyed watching the others play. This was a good sign. They served ice cream and lemonade afterwards. The people at this place have been very kind since we have come back.

Meanwhile, back in the spiritual realm, God has been a rock, a strong tower, my shield and sword. I have found shelter under the shadow of his wings. I don’t fear evil, for he is with me. His rod and his staff comfort me. The Bible does not lie. As long as we pour out our hearts to him, all the promises of his comfort and strength come true.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”   Isaiah 41:10