Don't Be Afraid of Your Fears.

 

One of my greatest fears has been to become sick enough to go to the hospital. I have social phobia and other mental problems, and the thought of being unclothed and being touched by people horrified me.

One evening, I started to have pain in my upper abdomen and down my right side. I thought it was another kidney stone. I had passed one many years ago and it felt the same. I knew what to do and waited for it to pass. But it didn’t. The pain wouldn’t let up, and in the morning, I called an ambulance.

The emergency was crowded and I was put in a waiting room. I didn’t ask for pain medication. I didn’t even think of it, I don’t know why. But later, they could see I was in pain and they gave me a shot of something.

I was there at 8:30 am and after tests I was told I needed my appendix out. I had surgery at 9:30 pm and it all went well. Then they took me to a room that had one other patient – a man.

I was molested by my father so usually I would have been terrified to be in a room alone with a man. But he had just had heart surgery and was in pain, so I figured he wasn’t a danger. He was arguing with the nurses and then a doctor about his pain medication. He said it wasn’t strong enough. I felt sorry for him and also the doctor and nurses. There are two sides to giving and getting pain killers and I understand the complexities.

After the medical staff left the room, this man began talking with me. He was very outgoing and personable. I’m usually upset when people talk to me, but I wasn’t this time. I felt comfortable, and we shared a lot of information about our lives. Also, he was polite enough to ask me if I minded talking and I told him I was fine with it.

I won’t give any details, suffice it to say his wife was in stage 4 cancer and he had a bad heart. He had just retired and they had bought an RV and kayak so they could enjoy their remaining life together. Then illness struck both of them.

I am not one to preach religion to others. I know most people do not appreciate that. But this man was very sad and contemplating the end of their lives. His hope was gone.

I had been praying silently for God to help me help him, and when he told me what he was feeling about death, I asked him, “Do you believe in God?” He told me he didn’t. He and his wife had been upset by the way religious people treated other people and they had left their church. Recently though, his wife had gone back.

He told me he figured he would be going to an eternal hell. I told him I did not believe God would torture people for an eternity. I told him I study the Bible for myself and make up my own mind what God is like. The Bible says the wicked will be ashes under the soles of our feet and that he will destroy the wicked and their works. It also says death and hell will be thrown into a lake of fire. This means death and the grave will be gone forever. I know there are a few verses that give the impression of an everlasting hell like: “The smoke of their torment will ascend forever.” But smoke is a result of fire and I believe this means the results of sin will always be remembered so that no one ever sins again. All of heaven will know the results of rebelling against God.

We talked a bit more about God and then went to sleep. I was happy I could share my belief in God with this man. My heart felt entwined with his since we were talking about the most important thing about life: why we are here and what happens after death. I thanked God for the opportunity.

I learned a lot by staying in the hospital. Number One: I don’t need to be afraid for God is with me. I didn’t feel afraid the whole time I was there. Number Two: There was a reason for my appendix problem. God wanted me to talk with that man.

What is interesting is that during my stay in the waiting room my daughter phoned the hospital to ask how I was doing. The staff told my daughter they had no one in the hospital by my name. She kept calling during the day and they kept saying the same thing. By the fourth call, my daughter got angry and insisted they look and see if they could find me.

They did finally find me. After the pain medication, a nurse had moved me to a recliner so I could lay back and rest. It was cold in there, so they gave me a blanked with which I covered my body and face. I promptly fell asleep. So, they could have called my name out and I wouldn’t have heard them.

Late in the afternoon, a nurse came and took the blanket off my face and asked my name. So, I guess that was when they found me. All this was quite an experience, and I want to add the nurses and doctors were wonderful and kind.

That’s the story of my hospital stay. My greatest fear came to me and God showed me he is stronger and wiser than my fear. I praise and thank him for everything. He is so much more than we could ever ask or think. He is King and Lord of the universe, my God, my Father, my Brother, my Counselor, my Comforter and Strength.

 

My grandson Died of Heroin.

 

This morning, I felt God wanted me to write about my grandson who died from heroin. It happened about two months ago I don’t remember the date. He was thirty.

Jordan was a kind person. This is what his friends said when his mother called them to tell them what had happened. He was certainly kind to me and my husband. He loved well, which is perhaps what led to his death.

Jordan had an older brother, Craig, and he followed him like a puppy dog through their childhood. They did everything together, had the same friends, and loved the same activities. But when they were in their late teens, Craig started taking cocaine.

Jordan didn’t like the way Craig was living his life. They had arguments and sometimes didn’t speak. Then one night Craig died. He had too much to drink, fell asleep on a soft sofa with his face down and suffocated. I have written about this before. It happened 10 years ago.

Jordan was devastated by Craig’s death. He told his mother that he and Craig had been fighting and his last words to Craig were unkind. He felt great guilt because of that, and as the months and years passed by, he never got over his deep sadness.

I think it was a year later he started taking different drugs to help him through the pain and ended up on heroin. Many times, he wanted to quit. His mom came to live with him for a month while he went cold turkey and that experience was horrible for both of them. Once he was off the drug he could be on our government’s plan of free daily methadone. And he did that off and on for years.

His mother did everything she could to help him, but Jordan wasn’t just depressed, he couldn’t stand to be around people. He went into a rehab facility and only stayed 2 hours. He couldn’t work and my daughter supported him the whole ten years. Food, clothing, everything. She was terrified of him living on the streets.

During this time, my daughter asked me to text Jordan every day with Bible verses and prayers which I did. He told her he really enjoyed the texts. We went through most of the Bible, which I wrote in my own words and shortened it. We were all praying for him.

About two weeks before he died, Jordan told his mom he had started praying. By that time, he was very thin, kind of agitated and sometimes not making sense. My husband said to me, “I think Jordan is going to die.” Then it happened.

What can I say about that? I can’t convey all my feelings, there are too many. I can say God has given us comfort because we asked for that. We all say, “He is out of pain now. He is with God.” That gives us comfort, because we know that we will see him and his brother again. The gut-wrenching pain of losing them is lessened when I pray. It hurts so much I want to scream, but God supports me.

Years ago, I was in a chat room with some Christians and when I told them about Craig and why I knew he was going to be in heaven, a man wrote, “This woman believes God will save addicts while they are still using!” I said, “Yes, I do.”

I know Craig was praying before he died. I know Jordan was praying before he died. They believed in God. “What must I do to be saved?” the Roman jailer asked Paul. “Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” It is truly that simple. And as for those who have died without praying or knowing God, I trust God to do for them what is right. He knows who is safe to bring to heaven.

When the boys were young, I babysat them for many years. I’m so grateful for that time. We became very close and they knew they could talk with me about anything. They both had attention span and learning difficulties. It wasn’t easy for me because they got bored so quickly, but I loved them dearly.

Well, they won’t be bored in heaven. Lol. I’m sure there will be a lot of fun stuff to do there. God put a sense of humor, fun and excitement within us. I picture them snowboarding again on mountains full of powder snow. I’ve always wanted to climb a mountain and I’m pretty sure I will up there. I want to learn to play the piano, harp and violin. I want to compose my own music and I want to dance, dance, dance. I know we will dance there because little children dance as soon as they hear music. They don’t have to be taught. Like all gifts from God, it is wonderful. “Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of the stars.” Trust me when I tell you, God is good and he loves you.

 

 

Update and the Power of Song.

 

(If anyone wishes to copy or print my posts, they are welcome to do that.)

I haven’t posted for quite awhile because when I thought about things to write I realized I had already written on that subject. I felt perhaps I had shared all I had to share. And I might be right about that. So, if I don’t post much, that is why.

My husband’s stroke was a little more than a year ago and he is still recovering. Since then, he has had a bleeding ulcer and an incisional hernia (a thirty-five-year-old abdomen incision had burst open.) Those two events have set back his progress. But he is still doing very well.

I was thinking about King Saul from the Old Testament. When an evil spirit would plague him, he called for David to come sing for him and the evil spirit would leave. I believe Satanic beings cannot stand hearing songs about God. They also hate it when we praise God out loud. I have found in my life that when I am depressed or despairing singing and praising God lifts me up and out of sadness.

My sister in Washington is still waiting on God to tell her when to leave her home and live in the mountains. Meanwhile, she has learned so much about God and being a Christian. She has learned to depend on him and hear his voice speaking to her heart.

I am sorry to see all the division the Covid vaccine has caused. It is tragic people are at each other’s throats about it. I have some family members who live far away who will not get the vaccine. My immediate family is different, we have all been double-vaccinated. I accept what my other relatives are doing; I don’t agree with their position, but I respect their right to decide for themselves. Even though my husband is waiting for surgery and can’t have it because the ICUs in the hospital are full.

 I heard that recently a man who worked for a Christian organization wrote an article in a newspaper on why he did get the vaccine. He was fired the next day, even though this organization says they believe in “freedom of speech.” Well, they don’t really, do they?

 

 

 

Christian Podcasts and an Update on My Husband's Condition.

 

I thought I would share an update on my husband’s condition. It’s been 9 months since he had a stroke and he is doing very well. His mind is working well, it isn’t like before the stroke, but honestly, I can’t tell any difference in him except he forgets to turn lights off. He says he can’t think quickly like before, but now he is retired he won’t have to. When he came home, he couldn’t keep up with conversations among the family, but he has no trouble with that now.

Physically, he has muscle weakness, fatigue, a spasm now and then and he still gets numbness and tingling in his legs, arms and hands. His hands are especially weak. He is using a walker, but he says he won’t need it soon as his legs are getting stronger.  We are both happy he is alive and we are now able to spend our days together.

I have discovered some podcasts that are new to me and I’m enjoying them so much I wanted to share. I appreciate those who produce Christian podcasts. They encourage and teach me as I follow Jesus. I pray God will bless them and their work for him.

I’ll begin a list of the ones that are new to me and end with the older podcasts I have listed to for more than a year.

Our Daily Bread

How to Study the Bible

Theology in the Raw

Compelled

Timothy Keller Sermons

Worthy: Celebrating the Value of Women

Walk it Out with Tricia Goyer

Ask NT Wright Anything

Deep Talks: Exploring Theology and Meaning

Chicken Soup for the Soul with Amy Newmark

Okay, now for the old ones I’ve listed here previously.

Pray Every Day

Don’t Make Me Come Back There

The Paul Tripp Podcast

Front Porch with the Fitzes

Joyce Meyer Enjoying Everyday Life

That Sounds Fun with Annie F. Downs

The Faith and Mental Wellness

Passion City Church DC

The Ponder Podcast

Go and Tell Gals

Joyce Meyer’s Talk It Out

 

 

 

How Long, Lord?

 

The Book of Habakkuk from the Dead Sea Scrolls

Quite a few people in the Bible have asked God, “How long do I have to put up with this?” Even Jesus asked this question when his disciples and the Pharisees (religious leaders) were arguing. Mark 9:19 He was human as well as divine and knows how we feel.

Habakkuk was a prophet during a time when the king and leaders of Jerusalem were especially wicked. This was in the late 500s BC. The Bible doesn’t tell us anything about Habakkuk, but we can see what he is like through his prayers.

“O LORD, how long shall I cry for help,
and you will not hear?
Or cry to you “Violence!”
and you will not save?

Why do you make me see iniquity,
and why do you idly look at wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me;
strife and contention arise.
So the law is paralyzed,
and justice never goes forth.
For the wicked surround the righteous;
so justice goes forth perverted.”   Habakkuk 1:2-4

God answers and tells Habakkuk he will punish these rulers of Jerusalem by sending the Babylonians to destroy them and the city. The Lord had told many prophets this and had warned the people of Jerusalem for years.

God said, “They have built high places to Baal on which to burn their children in the fire as offerings to Baal—something I never commanded or mentioned, nor did it even enter My mind.” Jeremiah 19:5

Isaiah the prophet wrote about the people of Judah:

 “Your hands are the hands of murderers, and your fingers are filthy with sin. Your lips are full of lies, and your mouth spews corruption. No one enters suit justly; no one goes to law honestly; they rely on empty pleas, they speak lies, they conceive mischief and give birth to iniquity. They hatch deadly snakes and weave spiders’ webs. Whoever eats their eggs will die; whoever cracks them will hatch a viper. 

Their feet rush into sin; they are swift to shed innocent blood. They pursue evil schemes; acts of violence mark their ways. The way of peace they do not know; there is no justice in their paths. They have turned them into crooked roads; no one who walks along them will know peace. So, justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us. We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows."
 Isaiah 59:3-9

I’m not so sure Habakkuk was happy with God’s answer. At first, he acknowledges the right of God to punish, but then he told God what he thought of the Babylonians and asked, “Is he to keep destroying nations without mercy?”

Then Habakkuk says something bold,

“I will take my stand at my watchpost
and station myself on the tower,
and look out to see what he will say to me,
and what I will answer concerning my complaint.”

We can also pray like this. We can ask God anything and then wait for an answer. I’ve done this many times and he has always answered my questions. Either he puts the answer in my mind, I find it in the Bible or gives me a dream. My sister Liz asked God a question about 15 years ago and recently got the answer. She laughed about that, but it just shows that God will answer one day. We must be patient.

God tells Habakkuk to write down what he is going to tell him so many can read it. His answer to this question is long and I believe is not just about the king of Babylon. It looks to me like a judgment of the nations of all the world. And he specifically says, “For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.  Habakkuk 2:3

The Pulpit Commentary says:

“The prophecy personified yearns for its fulfilment in "the end," not merely at the destruction of the literal Babylon, but in the time of the end - the last time, the Messianic age, when the world power, typified by Babylon, should be overthrown.”

In verse 4, God compares the wicked and the righteous by saying, “Behold, his soul is puffed up; it is not upright within him, but the righteous shall live by his faith.”  Instead of relying on their own strength, those who follow God live by faith in the strength of God.

So, what does God say? It seems to me I should copy down everything from Habakkuk from this point to the end of the book, but I won’t do that to you. It would be good to find the book online and read it, asking God to help you understand.

Suffice it to say, God tells of the evils the nations have done; how they have hurt the innocent. In chapter 3 he moves on to judgement, when he will come down and allow the earth to be destroyed while he saves those who are waiting for him. They are hiding from their persecutors, but he knows where they are.

When this earth is dying from global warming, which will cause heat from the sun to burn our food and people, then Jesus will return and rescue those who believe in him. This is told in the book of Revelation and is one of the last plagues to fall on earth.

“The fourth angel poured out his bowl on the sun, and it was allowed to scorch people with fire.”  Revelation 16:8

God doesn’t cause the sun to burn us, be he allows the world to reap what it has sown. We have sown chemicals into the earth and sky and one day they will rain down on us. But there is hope in God. He will save those who wait on him. Jesus will come the second time in the clouds of heaven and call us to himself.

“I have made you and I will carry you;

I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”  Isaiah 46:4

 

 

 

 

 

Evil Begins with One Thought.

 

I was watching a British show about Sherlock Holmes the other day and noticed that in the story a whole family was destroyed by one person with one evil thought that turned into an obsession.

The story was about three sisters who lived together. One of them got married and one of them wanted her husband. It ended in murder of one sister and the other two sisters estranged.

That day, I also listened to a podcast called, Joyce Meyer’s Talk it Out. Three of Joyce’s friends talk about a subject that affects their lives. It’s a lovely podcast.

They talked about “thoughts” and how when they were first Christians, they didn’t understand that thoughts are not always our own, but many can come from God or Satan. I had felt the same when I was first a Christian. I would have evil thoughts and was horrified by them. I wondered if I was really a Christian. But eventually I came to see that the thoughts were temptations from Satan.

I do know the Bible supports this theory. I will share some Bible verses with you.

How Satan speaks to us:

The evening meal was underway, and the devil had already put into the heart of Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus.  John 13:2

 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, He was hungry.

The tempter came to Him and said, “If You are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

But Jesus answered, “It is written:

Man shall not live on bread alone,

but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

Matthew 4:1-4

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can make your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world’s darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  

Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and having done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness arrayed, and with your feet fitted with the readiness of the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.   Ephesians 6:10-17

How God speaks to us:

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.   Isaiah 30:21

 But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”  Matthew 16:23

… some of the scribes said to themselves, “This man is blaspheming!”

But Jesus knew what they were thinking and said, “Why do you think evil in your hearts?  Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk?’  But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...” 

Then He said to the paralytic, “Get up, pick up your mat, and go home.”  And the man got up and went home.   Matthew 9:3-7

Jesus said, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. “  Matthew 6:1

How we speak to ourselves:

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone.  But each one is tempted when by his own evil desires, he is lured away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.  James 1:13-15

Like the woman in the Sherlock Holmes story, she had a desire. She desired her sister’s husband.

The remedy to these temptations is easy: quote the Bible, as Jesus did, say to God and yourself, “I will not think about this anymore”, and pray for God to help you to throw that thought into the sea.

The quotes I use the most are: “You are a shield around me, my glory and the lifter of my head.”  “May everything that breathes, praise the Lord.” “The Lord is a strong tower I run to and am safe.” “The Lord is the strength of my life and my portion forever.”

Evil thoughts don’t hang around when the Lord is praised.

The Outcast. Homelessness and Mental Illness.

 

I have a sister who lives at a campground. Some of the sites are for permanent residents and the rest are for campers. She lives in a motorhome. After living there for awhile, she found out a man lived on the property who did odd jobs for the owner of the camp and its residents.

She asked this man if he would clean off the roof and do other tasks for her. She got to know him and realized he wasn’t quite normal. She found out he used to be an executive at a large corporation, but his young wife had died of cancer and he had a nervous breakdown. He told her he was in a hospital for a few months and was better for a time. A few years later, he had a girlfriend who also died, in an accident I think.

After that, he was in a permanent depression and just couldn’t cope with life at all. He lost his job and was homeless for a long time. Somehow, he got a small camper and lived in that. He came to her campground and asked the owner if he could live there by doing odd jobs and he told him he could.

My sister knew him for at least five years but told me he was going downhill. He started going to a psychiatric hospital occasionally. Later, when she would ask him to work for her, he forgot or took a few weeks to do it. Eventually, he quit doing all work.

Around that time, they started talking about God. She bought him two Bibles, one a graphic novel type and another regular Bible. She spoke to him of what God had done for her and how she loved being a Christian.

He told her all the Christians he had met were unkind to him, especially two people at the park. They had promised to pay him a certain amount of money and then cut his pay in half after he was done. He said he had tried to go to churches, but the people there didn’t want him. He said he was surprised she was a Christian because she was nice to him.

A few months later, she found out the owner and manager had kicked him out because he wasn’t working enough and his site was messy. She doesn’t know where he went.

When I think of that man, I think of the word, “Outcast.” Then I think of Jesus, a friend of outcasts and who became one himself. I also think of mental illness and how misunderstood it is.

As I’ve written before, I have a mental illness and my sister told me most of the homeless people she met have had either a physical or mental illness. They are people no one knows what to do with. They are without a rudder in this cold world. People look down on them and ask, “Why aren’t they working? They look healthy enough to work!”

I’ll tell you why. They probably can’t concentrate, they may be terrified of people (like me), they are afraid to work because they know they will make mistakes and people will yell at them, and they can’t bear the thought of that. (me) Their memory isn’t good. They will forget what you told them to do, or misunderstand instructions. (me) They don’t have a car, bus fare, clothing. They are sometimes so nervous they cannot speak. (me)

If I didn’t have a husband to support me, I’d be homeless myself. Well, my daughters would take me in. I am blessed that way. My family understands my illness and loves me.

I’m writing this because I wish so much that the world would do something for these people. I know how complicated that is; although I did read about a city in Canada that built apartments for all the homeless and made it a law they couldn’t live on the streets. It has worked out wonderfully and is actually saving the city money. Maybe it isn’t as hard as we think. We have a terrific Premier in BC, where I live. He is doing a lot for the homeless. I admire him.

Well, I said what was burning in my heart. Here are some verses from the Bible about outcasts.

The blind man Jesus healed:

They answered and said to him, "You were born entirely in sins, and do you teach us?" And they cast him out. 

When Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, He found the man and said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”

 “Who is He, Sir?” he replied. “Tell me so that I may believe in Him.” “You have already seen Him,” Jesus answered. “He is the One speaking with you.” “Lord, I believe,” he said. And he worshiped Jesus.   John 9:34-38

A parable of Jesus:

So, they took him and killed him and cast him out of the vineyard.   Mark 12:8

God speaking to Israel:

If your outcasts are in the uttermost parts of heaven, from there the LORD your God will gather you, and from there he will take you.  Deut. 30:4

I will make the lame into a remnant, and the outcast into a strong nation. Then the LORD will rule over them in Mount Zion from that day and forever.  Micah 4:7

Behold, at that time I will deal with all your oppressors. And I will save the lame and gather the outcast, and I will change their shame into praise and renown in all the earth.   Zeph. 3:19

Whereas you have been forsaken and hated, with no one passing through, I will make you majestic forever, a joy from age to age.   Isaiah 60:15

Those who hurt the poor:

What do you mean by crushing my people, by grinding the face of the poor?” declares the Lord GOD of hosts.   Isaiah 3:15

What sorrow awaits the unjust judges

and those who issue unfair laws.

They deprive the poor of justice

and deny the rights of the needy among my people.

They prey on widows

and take advantage of orphans.

What will you do when I punish you,

when I send disaster upon you from a distant land?

To whom will you turn for help?

Where will your treasures be safe?

Isaiah 10:1-3

 

---

 [DU1]