Running Away from Home.

Who am I?

I'm a runner.

I'm 65 years old and I'm learning things about aging that aren't pleasant. Along with the physical problems comes the emotional ones. I think I have done a good job in facing this last leg of my journey with God; well, I haven't, but God has. He has shown me a lot about myself. He can do that when you have lots of time on your hands.

One thing I've learned lately is that living in the same city for over 35 years can be hard when you are older. Everywhere I go there are memories, memories of doing things with my children and grandchildren. Happy memories and sad memories. Whether happy or sad, the memories brought tears to my eyes today. I was out and about today, which is kind of rare for me, and everywhere I turned I saw the grandchildren I love so much.

When I got home, I said to my husband, "I wish we could move away for our retirement. I'd like to be somewhere new." I explained to him why I felt this way, but he reminded me we need to be near his doctors and hospital. We do need to be near a hospital, but Vancouver has a good one. The problem with Vancouver is that is where I babysat my grandsons. Happy and sad memories there too.

I realized tonight it is just me being me again. Always wanting to run away from pain; thinking I can find relief in a change of scenery. Running away instead of running to God.

Years ago, when I had a mental breakdown, I ran off to stay at my sister's place near Las Vegas. I ended up staying there for 3 months. It was a nice rest, but the same problems were there when I went home. After that, we would all joke about me "going Vegas" when I was depressed. Yes, there was that possibility! At least I had somewhere fun to go!

Who is God?

Someone who is used to having people run away.

Adam and Eve ran away and hid from God. I think God has an advantage in the game of hide & seek, so of course God sought them out and found them.

Jonah ran away, but God wouldn't let him go. For some unknown reason, God wanted Jonah to preach to and save some sinners. Sinners whom Jonah hated! And I guess that's why God chose him. God has a good sense of humor, and he will do some strange stuff to help us learn to love.

Elijah ran away because he was afraid of dying. God ran after him; he gave him food, water and rest until Elijah was ready to talk things out.

All of Jesus' friends ran away when Jesus was arrested because they were afraid they would be arrested too. But Jesus told them beforehand it would happen so they wouldn't be too ashamed or discouraged. Then, when they didn't believe the women who told them Jesus rose from the dead, Jesus sought them out and entered the room where they met each day.

God is pretty humble. He runs after us every time. He's pretty patient and loving too. I'm so glad we have a God like that. One who will chase after us and maybe say something like he said to Elijah, "Why are you here?"

Why Do (some?) Christians Act Like Jerks?

Who is God?

Someone who accepts and loves you as you are. Someone who has saved you from death. Someone who wants to have your company, your friendship and your love forever.

"For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 

If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. 
It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. 

If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames."     1 Corinthians 3:11-15

I believe these verses are talking about the works of a Christian. As you can see, there are all kinds of works from all kinds of Christians. 

Some things we do are worth gold; some things we do are worthless. Yet, because the person had faith in Jesus' death for him, he will be saved. For we are not saved by works, but by faith in Jesus alone.

"So it is clear that no one can be made right with God by trying to keep the law. For the Scriptures say, 'It is through faith that a righteous person has life.'"   Galatians 3:11

Who am I?

A sinful Christian.

Why are some Christians irritating, awful people? Even the best of Christians can be annoying. Why do we sin by not loving enough? Why do we lose our temper? Why aren't we perfect? Why aren't we more like Jesus?

There are hundreds of reasons for this. The main reason is we are all sinners living in a deeply fallen world. We all come from unique backgrounds with weird family members who can mess us up pretty badly. We join different churches and have different pastors who teach different things. We are born with screwy DNA. 

Some of us are dumb; some are smart. Some of us take years to learn things (me); some learn very quickly. Some are born with a sweet disposition; some of us are born angry. Some were abused; some had ideal childhoods. 

Paul says this about his own struggle with sin:

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am un-spiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 

For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. 

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. 

Romans 7:14-25, 8:1

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God Knows All About You and Still Likes You.

Who am I?

Well, someone who didn't really finish the last post. I forgot to write how the appointment with my mother's doctor went. She said my mother needs scans and x-rays so we will be waiting for those tests to be done.

Mom is over the flu, thank God, but has a slight nausea every day now. No matter what we do it won't go away. But she is eating and drinking better, and I pray God will help her through this hard time of waiting.

I am all over the flu now too. I'm still not smoking, and by God's grace won't start again.

One other thing I learned through this illness. Previously, I had been feeling sorry for myself  (big surprise) because of my fibromyalgia. But after not being able to get out of bed for days, I'm so thankful for the relative good health that I do have!  I mean, I knew things could be worse; everyone knows that. But experiencing "worse" and then going back to your own type of normal is a big deal. It makes you feel grateful.

Who is God?

Someone who helped Mom and I get to the doctor. Someone Mom and I pray to together. Someone to turn to when the way is hard (or easy). Someone who comforts the sick.  Someone I trust my life to and the lives of my family. Someone who knows us better than we know ourselves. Someone who is my strength, my spirit and my song.

"You have searched me, Lord,

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—

when I awake, I am still with you."

Psalm 139:1-18

Climbing Out of the Ninth Circle of Hell or Enjoying the Flu with God.

Well, I'm slowly recovering from the worst flu I've ever had.  My daughter, Christine, wanted to come visit us but I said, "Unless you want to descend into the ninth circle of hell, do not come near this house."  So, she didn't.

The reason I'm writing about this is that I've been reading a book about suffering and the author says we should never minimize the suffering people are going through by quoting, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28

I wouldn't quote this verse the day after some tragedy, no. All you can say is how sorry you are and ask if there is anything you can do.

Maybe later, if someone asks you why there is suffering etc, you can study these kinds of verses with them. I do know that this verse has helped me. And how is minimizing pain always a bad thing? Ignoring it is bad, but hey, I try to minimize my pain as much as possible.

The author goes on to say that God does not bring some good out of every little thing we suffer. Crappy stuff happens to us and we just have to suck it up. I disagree. At the very least, we can learn patience and trust in God with every trial we have.

Yesterday, I was beside myself with guilt and worry about my mother. I took her to the doctor once, but then became too sick to get out of bed for days and she wanted to see her doctor again. I felt so guilty telling her I couldn't physically do it. But I made an appointment for the next day.

So last night, I was struggling with God, telling him I felt like screaming and crying about the whole thing. I felt I was not taking good enough care of my mom. I felt like I was letting her down. Then I remembered something I read on the net about Corrie Ten Boom. Apparently, she said something like, "I say out loud that God isn't strong enough to help me in this trouble. Then I laugh."  So I started thinking, "God isn't big enough to help me with this sickness and my mother," then I laughed and felt better. Of course he is big enough. I told him, "You are big enough, God." Then I felt such peace.

Oh, thanks be to God for everything he does is wonderful and full of love and strength and goodness!

I forgot, I also stopped smoking during this trial of pain and illness. I'm happy about that too.

Are You Good Enough to Go to Heaven?

Who Am I?

A person who wants faith.

"I'm a pretty good person," said someone I once knew. "I'll probably go to heaven."

Well, if we are saved by being good, I doubt any of us would go to heaven. Years later, that same person apologized to someone in my family and said, "I was a monster." He had come to see what he really was and "good" wasn't it.

Who is God?

Someone who can save us from death and give us eternal life. (And giving us a fun time up there.)

We are saved by one person who was good: Jesus.

He asks us to seek him and to follow him. After seeking and learning about him, if we want him and ask him to live in us, then we are saved. We are saved because he died for us and his own good life covers our bad life.

This is called, in religious circles, "Righteousness by Faith."

I've listened to a lot of talks on this subject lately. It is very easy for Christians to slip into, "Righteousness by Our Own Works."  Christians can focus on how they live their lives so much that they forget who they asked to run their lives for them. In religious circles this is called, "Legalism."  Legalists always judge people harshly. And not just other people, but they judge themselves harshly also, so they are never happy because they are never perfect enough. I know this because that is who I once was.

Now, I have a tendency to flop between faith and legalism. Just when I think I'm living my life through faith, not works, I find myself running to legalism once again. I was raised in a pretty legalistic-type home and church. It is ingrained in my brain, "If you are good you will go to  heaven, if you're bad, you won't."  By the time I was a teenager, I figured I could never be good enough to be a Christian, even though I wanted very much to be one.

My older sister felt the same. She said to me once, "Why be a Christian when they can keep you out of heaven on a technicality?" Like me, she felt it was hopeless to even try. After learning about living by faith, she did come to God. Her favorite preacher is Joyce Meyer, who has also been an inspiration to me.

This is what Paul wrote on faith vs works.

"If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about—but not before God. 

What does Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”
Romans 4:1,2

So, believing what God says is part of faith. If we were saved by our good deeds then we would have something to boast about. But we aren't. Actually, any good we do comes from God anyway, who is the maker of all that is good.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..." James 1:17  (Don't you love the name, "Father of Stars.")

Paul goes on to write:

"Now to the one who works, wages are not credited as a gift but as an obligation."

 "However, to the one who does not work but trusts God who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness." 

David says the same thing when he speaks of the blessedness of the one to whom God credits righteousness apart from works:

“Blessed are those

whose transgressions are forgiven,

whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the one

whose sin the Lord will never count against them.”

Romans 4:4-8

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23

"Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."  John 4:10

Eternal life is a gift. But just like gifts on earth, you must hold out your hands and receive it.

Am I Casting a Shadow or a Light?

Who is God?

Someone to take your troubles to.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken."
Psalm 55:22

"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8

Who Am I?

For the second time this month, I heard some Christian advice I need to follow. This is the advice: Always share your strong feelings with God before you share how you feel with another person. If you are hurt, depressed or angry, talk with Jesus about it before you breath a word to anyone.

The people who said this explained that a lot of people cannot bear your pain; that it is too much for them. There is probably nothing they can do to help, so go to God. He can bear everything.

This reminded me of the times I was feeling so hopeless and depressed about who I was and what I was going through. I shared some things with my daughter that upset her terribly. I wish I had kept quiet. I've many times shared my deepest pain with my husband. I think this has been hard for him to bear.

I've learned lately that God is enough. I can share these thoughts with Him and he helps me. It just helps to rant and rave about something with God to. At least I get all the feelings out there in the open. Since I know he accepts me and can help me with all things, I usually don't feel the need to tell anyone else. I think I wanted sympathy and understanding; but God has all that to give me too.

I've also read that sharing your dark feelings and thoughts casts a shadow over the lives of people you talk with. I don't want to put a shadow in someone's life. I want to do the opposite; I want to glow with God's light. 

Grace in the Old Testament.

Zerubbabel  was a governor of the Persian Province of Yehud Medinata, and the grandson of Jehoiachin, penultimate king of Judah. Zerubbabel led the first group of Jews, numbering 42,360, who returned from the Babylonian Captivity in the first year of Cyrus, King of Persia. The date is generally thought to have been between 538 and 520 BC. Zerubbabel also laid the foundation of the Second Temple in Jerusalem soon after. 
( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zerubbabel - abridged)

I was reading Zechariah, and came upon a vision God was giving to him. God wanted the people to build a new temple in Jerusalem. This was one of the visions:

Then the angel who talked with me returned and woke me up, like someone awakened from sleep. He asked me, “What do you see?”

I answered, “I see a solid gold lamp stand with a bowl at the top and seven lamps on it, with seven channels to the lamps. Also there are two olive trees by it, one on the right of the bowl and the other on its left.”

I asked the angel who talked with me, “What are these, my lord?”

He answered, “Do you not know what these are?”

“No, my lord,” I replied.

So he said to me, “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty.

What are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will become a plain; and he will bring forth the top stone with shouts of "Grace, grace to it!"    Zechariah 4:1-6

What the Lord said in these verses moved me. "Grace, grace..." I thank God for his mercy and grace.

Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible
"with shoutings, crying, 'Grace, grace unto it'. As the people of the Jews shouted, when the first stone was laid in the foundation of the temple, so it is here intimated that their acclamations would be very great when the last stone would be brought in, and the building finished; which they would ascribe to the grace, favour, and good will of God to them.

So likewise, as the work of conversion is wholly owing to the grace of God, an abundance of which is displayed in it; when it is finished in the hearts of all the Lord's people, and the last man designed to be called by it is converted, and so the spiritual building of the church finished; this will be attended with the shouts of angels, who rejoice at the conversion of every sinner, and much more when all the elect are gathered in; and the acclamations of all the saints, for the marriage of the Lamb, will now be come, and the church be ready, as a bride prepared for her husband; see Revelation 19:6. 

"Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts": that is, that as the candlestick was supplied with oil, from the two olive trees by the side of it, without the help of any man, to pour in the oil, and trim the lamps; so the temple should be built by Zerubbabel, not through the multitude and strength of men, but through the Spirit of God, animating, exciting, encouraging, and strengthening them to go through the work." 

"The temple was a type of the church, and Zerubbabel a type of Christ; he was so in the high esteem he was had in by the Lord; he was chosen by him; made as a signet, and was precious to him, in his titles and characters, a servant of the Lord, and governor of Judah, and in his work, in bringing the Jews out of captivity, and in rebuilding the temple. 

So Christ is the chosen of God, and exceeding dear and precious to him; is his righteous servant, and Governor of the church, or King of saints; and who has redeemed and delivered his people from the captivity of sin, and Satan, and the law; and is the builder of his church; who has laid the foundation of it, and will bring in the headstone; and which church is built up in all generations through the conversion of sinners; and that is done, not by external force, by carnal weapons, or moral persuasion; but by the sword of the Spirit, the word of God; and not by the power of man's free will, but by the efficacious grace of the divine Spirit..."

(http://biblehub.com/niv/zechariah/4.htm)