Looking for Love in the Right Place.

Who is God?

God created us with the drive to love and be loved. I think that is the strongest drive we have next to food and shelter. God created us that way because he is love personified, as the Bible says. He created us in his own image and therefore we love to love, we love to create, we love to enjoy life.

Who am I?

Someone who looked for love in all the wrong places. It is something we all do, I think. First, I looked at home, to my parents, brother and sister. They loved me, but not perfectly. Love felt conditional. It felt they would love me if I was good and did what they asked.

At school, I looked for love in friends. But friends betrayed me and I betrayed friends. There was no unconditional love there either.

I looked for love in boyfriends. But boyfriends would come and go, mostly go. My heart was broken a few times and I broke a few hearts.

I looked for love in my husbands. But it wasn't perfect, unconditional love. There were things about me they didn't like. There were things about them I didn't like. There was conflict, anger, divorce, threats of divorce.

I looked for love in my children and got perfect love, until they were teenagers.

I looked for love in my grandchildren and got perfect love. Then they grew up and moved on.

I looked for perfect, unconditional love when I turned 65. I looked to God and I found it. Finally.

I have been with God since I was nineteen. At first, I couldn't believe he loved me. Then I started to believe it. Then I got mad at him and almost hated him because of the suffering of myself and my family. Then I came back to him. I sort of believed he loved me. Then I had no one to turn to but him. No one at all. So, I spent lots of time with him every day and heard the sermons of Ty Gibson. Now I know he loves me. He loves me so much I'm excited and happy in his love. I love him like crazy. I can't wait to see him, to hold him, to speak with him, to touch him, to kiss him, to  walk with him.

Yep, I finally found perfect, unconditional love in God. I hope all of you, whoever you are, find it too.

God Needs Relationships.

Three of my granddaughters.

Who am I?

Someone who needs relationships.

I remember the first year our children had grown up and left home. My husband had always wanted us to take a vacation alone - just the two of us - so we did.

We took off for California and it was nice at first. At one point, when we were driving down the highway, I said,
"Listen, do you hear that?"
"What?" He said.
Silence.
"That's the sound of no fighting or whining from the back seat." I answered.

After a few days I really missed the kids and felt sad; but I was determined not to say anything to my husband. He had wanted this for so long.

One day, as we were enjoying the sights he said, "I wish the girls were here." I was surprised, and also happy I could share my thoughts with him. I told him how much I missed them too.

Now, I am 65. I rarely see my daughters and grandchildren. They have moved and are living their own lives and that is good. We lived with one of my daughters and her family for 10 years so she could work and I looked after her youngest daughter. My husband and I have lived alone now for a few years.

I was very lonely when we first moved out. My husband has his own interests and all my life was wrapped up in the family. I got very depressed. Well, after some therapy and pills I am doing better, but I did have a real break-through recently. I said to God, "I guess it's just you and me." And I made the effort to go through the day praying more; talking with him more; and all I can say is, "God alone is enough."



Who is God?

A being who needs realtionships to be happy and complete. (I'm guessing?)

Today I heard a sermon on how God created us for relationships. Life feels incomplete when we are alone. It is so wonderful to share life with people you love. Everything is better when you share it, whether good or bad.

We are made in the image of God. I suppose he is also incomplete  without relationships. God is three in one. He is never alone, and I guess he has never been alone. He said it wasn't good for Adam to be alone, even though God came to the garden to visit every day.

One time, I was reading a passage in the Bible about how there will be so many people in heaven you couldn't count them. I actually got anxious imagining these crowds of people milling around. It made me laugh because I know that won't bother me then.

I've always felt anxious around people and I'm looking forward to the day that anxiety is gone. I'm looking forward to being completely  relaxed about relationships and life in general.