My husband
loves the dozens (actually, a lot more than that I think) of Christmas movies
that are found on Netflix and Amazon Prime. He has always liked action movies
too, but lately he has focused on these Christmas movies. I find most of them
sappy and badly written, but some of them are really good.
Last night,
when we were watching one, my husband said, “I like these kinds of movies
because they show happy families. I grew up in an unhappy family so it’s nice
to see.” I’m so glad he told me that, because as tough as my husband is, and
anyone could tell you he is a tough guy, I wondered why he liked these movies.
I know
someone who loves crime shows. But she only likes the ones where the criminal
is caught. She wants to see that person go to jail or executed. I think she
gravitates to these shows because in her childhood, her life was threatened by
a family member in the middle of the night. She would wake up with a sharp knife
at her throat.
I like to
read books or watch movies about real people who have overcome great difficulty:
abuse, neglect, an illness. I think I am always searching for answers how to
overcome my past.
Years ago, I
used to have a recurring dream. My father and I were in a bus; he was driving
and I was in the passenger seat. I looked over at him and he was laughing
maniacally while speeding along the highway. Then I would wake up.
After years
of therapy and talking with God I began healing. One night I had the same
dream, except this time I was driving and he was in the passenger seat. I was
feeling peace.
I have
healed quite a bit, but I’m not cured of my mental illness. I still have
problems with how I see myself. I still have automatic thoughts that plague me.
But I am better, by the grace of God who helps me every day.
I have to
ask him for that help. I can’t sit back day by day leaving God out of my life.
I need him. If I don’t give myself to him each day, I start waking up wishing I
was dead. I start getting depressed and hopeless. He keeps me from all that by
prayer so that even if these thoughts pop up, I know he will help me. I just
say, “God, I don’t want to think that. Give me something good to think.” And he
does.
May God help
all of us who have psychological problems. They can be devastating, but may God
give us strength to walk through them.
