"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." 1 Cor. 10:13
When I was younger, I thought this verse meant God would never let anything happen to you that you couldn't handle. I was wrong. I kind of missed the word, "temptation." I assumed somehow the verse included problems and trials.
The first time I had a mental breakdown, I thought of this verse and realized my interpretation was wrong. A lot of our interpretations of the Bible are wrong - not that anyone ever wants to admit that.
So, a few days ago, I could tell I was falling apart mentally once again. I felt weak, my head fuzzy, my stomach upset. I felt myself sort of leaving myself and becoming two. Yep. I needed help and I needed rest.
I called my counselor of old (2 years ago), sweet Barb, and made an appointment. She saw me the very next day. My husband went to the nursing home and told my mother because I couldn't come and visit for awhile. She was so kind and good about it. She is used to the place now and says she is happy. Thank you, God. Thank you dear Father.
It has been a sad and difficult year. My mother broke her hip, was in the hospital for a month, came home for a month, I injured myself caring for her, she went back in the hospital because I couldn't take care of her, the hospital was mad - said she wasn't sick, which wasn't true. She almost died twice in the hospital. They put her in rehabilitation while she was still weak and sick. She couldn't even keep her head up waiting for meals. She lay her head on the table, yet they said she wasn't sick. Fuck. that is what I have to say about that.
Now, she has finally gotten stronger and is eating normally. I've been to see her constantly until I had a cold and couldn't come for 2 weeks. Finally, the cold is gone. She is strong enough to take to dinner. Hallelujah! I take her out to lunch, out for dinner, her memory is getting better.
So NOW is when my brain says, "Okay, that's it. She is okay now and you can shut down and quit working." At least, that is what I am guessing my brain is saying. I slept 12 hours last night. I'm like Elijah running from Jezebel. I need to sleep and eat and then sleep and eat again. And if that is okay for Elijah, it's okay for me.
What can I say about the Lord now? That he is wonderful, he is marvelous, he is a great friend, comforter, father, brother, king and God. He is here, right beside me like always, holding my hand and giving me peace and joy, even though I am sick. It has taken me a long time to see God in the hard times, but I'm finally doing it. He is smiling with me right now, as I write this. He sent a message to me through my daughter. He said, "Your mother will be saved."
I had been worrying about that because of how strange she had been acting. Everyone said it was dementia, but I wasn't sure. Now, I'm sure. God has graciously told me Mom is fine. She is sealed by the Holy Spirit. I will live with her in heaven. Thank you, Father.
