Murder in My Heart.

Who am I?

A great big sinner.

I'm reading a biography of a woman who was a Christian. I was shocked when I read her mother-in-law twice tried to kill her. She hated her daughter-in-law because she felt she took her son away.

I was horrified, but then I remembered when I once wanted to kill someone: my first husband. He had cheated on me with the young woman who lived below us. I told him to choose between us, so he went downstairs to tell her he was staying with me.

They started laughing, and I could hear them. I was filled with rage and thought about getting a big knife and going down there and stabbing them both to death. Then I looked at my baby. I couldn't do it because I would go to jail and lose my children. But boy, did I want to do it.

I was a Christian then, as I am now. I talked with God and told him how sorry I was to want to do such a thing. But it was then I realized I was capable of murder and every other kind of sin. I had thought I was free from all that, but I've learned we will always have temptations to do wrong.

After my husband and I divorced, he had his new girlfriend over to sleep at his apartment when my oldest daughter was there. I said to myself, "I would never do that." Obviously, I still had a lot to learn because I did do that a year later with my boyfriend.

I remember when I was in bed with him one night, I said to God, "Could I please marry this man?" I didn't really expect an answer since I was living in open sin. But God did answer me. He quoted the Bible to me. He said, "What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"  (Belial means wickedness)

I was amazed God still thought of me as a believer! I felt I was a big mess and not worthy of being called that. My boyfriend was not a believer, although he went to church with me a few times. I kept dating him, but soon realized he was a wicked person. A very wicked person. I couldn't see that at first, but God knew.

Who is God?

Someone who isn't surprised by our sins. Someone who loves us as we are sinning. Someone who wants to help us.

So, the reason I write about this is to help people who think they are too awful to be Christians. You can't get much worse than I am! I am tempted all the time to think wrong things and do wrong things, but thanks be to God I can take these thoughts and feelings to him and he takes care of them. He throws them into the depths of the sea.

"You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."  Micah 7:19

"Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin."

If You Love Life; Love the Lord.

Who is God?

Someone worth knowing.

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me;

he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant;

their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;

he saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,

and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the Lord is good;

blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Fear the Lord, you his holy people,

for those who fear him lack nothing.

The lions may grow weak and hungry,

but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, my children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Whoever of you loves life

and desires to see many good days,

keep your tongue from evil

and your lips from telling lies.

Turn from evil and do good;

seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,

and his ears are attentive to their cry;

but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,

to blot out their name from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

he delivers them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the broken-hearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The righteous person may have many troubles,

but the Lord delivers him from them all;

he protects all his bones,

not one of them will be broken.

Evil will slay the wicked;

the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

The Lord will rescue his servants;

no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned."

Psalm 34

"For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light."  Psalm 36:9

Who am I?

Someone who has tasted and found that the Lord is good. Someone who has had many troubles, but the Lord delivered me from them all. Someone who knows the Lord always hears me, which gives me great comfort and joy.

Daily Audio Bible

I just finished listening to Daily Audio Bible for January 2, 2016. Brian Hardin reads through the Bible online all year. Today, he spoke after the reading. He spoke about the fall of Adam and Eve and why there was a tree in the garden they could not eat from. This was so moving and helpful to me. I hope you will give him a listen. You will find him here:

https://dailyaudiobible.com/

God's Help in Time of Need.

I wrote earlier about my mother and husband. My husband had a growth on his back that looked like melanoma. He already has carcinoid syndrome and tumors, so we were praying this would not be another cancer, and it isn't! We are very thankful and happy about that.

My mother was starting to lose her short-term memory and I finally talked her into moving in with my husband and myself. She is here now, and I'm very glad. She had been forgetting to take her medication and had gotten weak and sick. Now, I make sure she takes everything. She is too weak to cook, so I'm cooking for her.

I am thankful that God has given me  the strength to do this. I have fibromyalgia and feel tired all the time. But as I pray for strength, God has supplied it. I'm so happy Mom is here.

We had a lovely Christmas because all the family was together. Two wonderful things has happened in our family; my nephew, Ian, has come to God and so has my grandson, Jordan. I thank the Lord he has been working on their hearts and given them the desire to know him.

We wait in hope for the Lord;

he is our help and our shield.

In him our hearts rejoice,

for we trust in his holy name.

May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,

even as we put our hope in you.   

Psalm 33:20-22

Google+

Hello Everyone, Google wrote me and told me only those people who join Google+ will be able to read my blog. I'm sorry about that. Google+ is free however, and is kind of fun. I just thought I would let you all know. Thanks, Belle

A God of Peace.

Phillip Medhurst

Who is God?
He is a being filled with peace.

“Don't worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus”
Philippians 4:6,7

 “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”  John 14:27


“And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful”  Colossians 3:15

Who am I?

This verse has always helped me have peace. But I only realized lately that it is peace that will guard our hearts. It makes perfect sense because when you are at peace you will not lose your temper, harm someone, covet anything, be afraid of anything. Peace is a guardian against any sin.

Remember when Jesus was in the boat with his disciples and a storm came up. Jesus was asleep at the bottom of the boat. The disciples were battling the storm but the ship was in danger of sinking. They woke Jesus and said, "Don't you care we are going to die?"

Jesus calmed the storm, but then asked, "Why were you afraid?"
I remember thinking, "Of course they were afraid!" But, what if the peace of God was in their hearts. Would they still have been afraid? No.

I think the lack of fear is believing that no matter what is happening in your life God can deal with it. If you are in a  storm on the ocean, it is up to God if you live or die, so why worry about it? If your husband leaves you with two children, God will help you, so why be afraid and worried. Peace of mind, no matter what is going on. Yes, that is my goal.

The Wrath of God? Why?

Who am I?

Have you ever wondered about the wrath of God?  What makes God angry?

Well, first we will look at the wrath of me, Belle.

I was reading Huffington Post last night and read an article about Pharmaceutical companies that made me so angry I could understand God's anger at sin.

The article began with Martin Shkreli, and how he has been arrested for conning wealthy investors. He was CEO of a drug company; they never said which one, which seems fishy to me. Here are just a few examples from the article.

"Shkreli took over a company with the rights to a 62-year-old drug used to treattoxoplasmosis, a devastating parasitic infection that can cause brain damage in babies and people with AIDS. He then promptly raised its price from $13.50 to $750 a pill.

Last month, Shkreli got control of a company with rights to a cheap drug used for decades to treat Chagas' disease in Latin America. His aim was to get the drug approved in the United States and charge tens of thousands of dollars for a course of treatment.

And the prices of new drugs are sky-high. Pfizer's new one to treat advanced breast cancer costs $9,850 a month.

... Big Pharma has wielded its political influence to avoid cost controls, to ban Medicare from using its bargaining clout to negotiate lower prices, and to allow drug companies to pay the makers of generic drugs to delay their cheaper versions."

You can read this article at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-reich/of-rotten-apples-and-rott_b_8861526.html?utm_hp_ref=politics

When I finished reading, I was full of anger and pictured Jesus turning over the money tables of these corporations.

In Canada, the government tries to keep drug costs down, but guess what happened recently? My husband got an infection. He already has carcinoid syndrome, a rare form of cancer, so the doctors wanted to treat him with this special antibiotic. Well, there was none available. None available? I didn't understand that.

Then my mother needed another vial of Vitamin B12 because she has pernicious anemia. She said they didn't have any at her drug store. I was surprised, so I called around and yes, there was a shortage. I finally found a store that had two vials left so I got there as soon as possible and bought one.

When I got home, I was curious; why was there a shortage of drugs in this first-world country? I went online and found out the drug companies were slowing production. They wanted longer patent times and more money. They didn't care if people died, became sicker, had pain - nothing. All they cared about was money. Money, so they could buy a bigger house, a fancier car and go on vacations to Europe. Money, so they could buy the finest clothes, the best food and pay the nanny. Money, so their kids could go to the best schools, have the latest in technological gadgets and drive their own cars.

Remember Enron?  I heard a tape of two executives of that company laughing about Grannies in California who wouldn't be able to pay their electric bills. I wish Jesus had marched into Enron offices with a whip of cords.

These people had better enjoy their evil money now, because people who do these things for money will not be going to heaven. They wouldn't enjoy it there anyway because there is no money there. Everyone is equal there; there is love all around and through every being in heaven. Life there is selfless instead of selfish.

Who is God?

Well, he is someone who hates this kind of sin more than I do. His wrath is against sin why? Because sin always hurts people. Always. God does not want us to hurt people. Ever. We can't be that good though without God in us, so if you want to be a better person you have to ask God to come into your life and give you a new heart.

And the word of the Lord came again to Zechariah: “This is what the Lord Almighty said: ‘Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the foreigner or the poor. Do not plot evil against each other.’

“But they refused to pay attention; stubbornly they turned their backs and covered their ears. They made their hearts as hard as flint and would not listen to the law or to the words that the Lord Almighty had sent by his Spirit through the earlier prophets. So the Lord Almighty was very angry.

“ ‘When I called, they did not listen; so when they called, I would not listen,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘I scattered them with a whirlwind among all the nations, where they were strangers. The land they left behind them was so desolate that no one traveled through it. This is how they made the pleasant land desolate.’ ”  Zechariah 7:8-14

The wrath of God is him leaving us to our own devices and reaping the cost.

So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired.  Romans 1:24

But God turned away from them and gave them over to the worship of the sun, moon and stars.  
Acts 7:42

“But my people did not listen to my voice; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts, to follow their own counsels.  Psalm 81:12

Like a stubborn heifer, Israel is stubborn; can the LORD now feed them like a lamb in a broad pasture? Ephraim is joined to idols; leave him alone.  Hosea 4:17

God doesn't want to let people go, but he must accept people's decision not to follow him. He works hard and for years on people's hearts, but there comes a day when there is no use in it and he turns away in sadness. 

"But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgement will be revealed. God "will repay each person according to what they have done."  Romans 2:6

God won't punish people by keeping them alive forever in a place called "Hell." No, each person will be punished according to what they have done in this life. Jesus said, "And a servant who knows what the master wants, but isn't prepared and doesn't carry out those instructions, will be severely punished. But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly."  
Luke 12:48

After punishment is an unconscious death lasting forever. They will be as if they had never been. "The LORD watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy."  Psalm 145:20

This gives God no pleasure, it is something he must do to preserve the universe; to make the universe finally free from sin and evil.  

"For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Lord GOD; so turn, and live.”  Ezekiel 18:32